Absolution
by chinochan-inulover
Summary: His love laid masked, even to himself. Hers was always clear. Suddenly all his previous reassuring epiphanies fall into him with the knowledge that she might not come back, and he'll do anything in his power to get her back and achieve Absolution.
1. The Falling of an Epiphany

**Absolution**

_There's a hole in your soul_  
_Like an animal_  
_With no conscience_  
_Repentance unknown_  
_Close your eyes_  
_Pay the price for your paradise_  
_Devils feed on the seeds_  
_That are sown_

_Depeche Mode- A Pain that I'm used too_

I-The Falling of an Epiphany

Inuyasha had been having a good dream, a really good dream, and it was one of those dreams that one just couldn't tear himself from it, it was too good, and to real…_it had been real. _It was one of those dreams where one's mind shows him the most delightful things during slumber.

This, when Rin's stupid morning clock device absolutely _destroyed_ his hearing, by ringing so loud.

At breakfast when he yelled with her, his ears were still hurting. Sesshomaru slept right next to her, how could he bear it? A long and somewhat suffering look told him things he'd listened to millions of times. _Sacrifice Inuyasha, for the most treasured thing they are worth it._

Yes he knew it backwards, all the quotes his brother always repeated time after time with that almost concerned gaze looming over him, in such similar eyes, and yet so different ones, but damn it he could even spell it backwards- yes, that was how much Sesshomaru said it. And the worst? Those wore one of the very few things the bastard said. Always so quiet and… it was like he was plotting the whole time.

"I don't care you stupid brat, just turn that shit off! Why do you even work? You don't need to!"

Rin narrowed dark eyes on him, and then clapped her chopsticks murderously at him.

"Look shithead, I work because I want to, normal people like to feel useful once in a while… guess you wouldn't know what I'm talking abou-"

"Not really. I am not normal" the youngest of demon heritage snarled as he clamped down his napkin against the table and grew closer to her, brows furrowed and lips thinned. That damned bitch! Couldn't Sesshomaru keep her in her place? An arrogant smirk stretched his lips "I am most amazing, thank you!"

"You're a little parasite that's what you…"

"Sesshomaru keep your bitch in her pla…"

"Enough! Both of you! Behave!" Sesshomaru wasn't yelling or shouting, but his tone commanded it for both of them to shut up. He was alpha and he'd be respected.

Before the _shujin_ of the mansion could say anything else, his mate huffed and grabbing down her elegant bag, Rin went to work in a bad mood.

Sesshomaru bestowed ferocious eyes upon him.

But before he could speak Inuyasha waved his clawed hand at his older brother and ate the rest of his _miso._

"_Yeah yeah, _I already know… _impudent whelp, idiot half-breed!_ Just keep it down, your woman's stupid alarm clock made my ears bleed."

"Inuyasha, Do you not know that I sleep next to Rin?"

The youngest flicked an ear towards his brother and then unglued his golden eyes from the rice to meet his similar. He looked positively shocked.

"You better do, I won't have no child of her, wear my name, if they ain't yours!"

Sesshomaru, used to his brother antics, merely rolled his eyes.

"I do sleep next to her and to that infernal device…"

"My thoughts exactly…"

"And yet I tolerate it."

The youngest, snorted and looked at his brothers in his all too young casualty-that matched his, his age of twenty one year old.

"You're a pansy."

To his lack of fortune Sesshomaru actually smiled. And he'd only seen him smile, or rather pull his lips up, when things in company were really good, when he'd get laid ( and it had to have been an amazing fuck) or when one of his adversaries died, preferably at his claws.

"You, pup, you'll sooner than you know lose what you treasure."

"I treasure no one!" He replied immediately, stiff, in reaction to his brother demeanor.

"Sometimes when you lose an important thing, you go and buy yourself a new one, just the same as the one you lost. Then you find the one you'd lost but you still keep the new one, because its new, prettier, shinier...Over the time you didn't have the thing you'd lost, you attached yourself to what you went to buy to replace the lost one. Sooner or later you'll have to choose. I just have a feeling it'll be sooner than you know."

As his brother spoke he couldn't help but notice his somewhat amused expression, but still intense gaze, as he sat at the head of the long table where they ate every meal. His amber eyes narrowed and he rasped.

"Yeah? And what's the choice?"

He played along and didn't pretend he didn't know what his sibling was talking about. Every-fucking-body in the whole fucking world knew. The dream he was having before that bitch of an alarm clock woke him, had taken him to three nights ago and he again remembered those luscious curves, every crevice of her velvet heaven, that he'd decorated, every feature of her pleasure twisted face, every twirl of her sweaty locks, every sound of her lust- of her love.

He was the one who felt nothing but lust for Kagome.

Sesshomaru didn't reply, and brash he stomped out of the door furious with that briefing in the morning updating about his life and summarizing it so well. Kami-sama sometimes he really hated Sesshomaru. Why didn't he mind his own business?

Entering in his BMW's with a scowl, his tires screeched as he pulled out of the garage and rammed the road away towards college. The forest and the sky, then the people and the colors, they all became a big blur, as stepped down on the pedal, his foot angry and heavy

As he parked his car, Sesshomaru's words along with the drumming ring of that device still hung on his head. He knew the bastard wasn't right. But for him should be no hard choice, he was just fucking around for a while longer- _quite literally. _His choice would always be his first love, the one he should love, the one he was sure he had been born to love. Although their lack of relation beyond appearances never surprised him as much as it did others, he was just happy to be at their side, that she allowed him at her side. Kikyou was the one he loved, the one he cared. The only one.

And with this epiphany on his brain, completely enlightened about his feelings and choices he got out of the car and , returning some greetings and darting some seductive glances around campus, started walking towards his friends spotting Sango, Miroku and Bankotsu and… Kouga? KOUGA? Fucking KOUGA? What was he doing there? Where was Kagome? It wasn't jealousy he kept telling himself. It wasn't, he repeated. He was just happy she wasn't there, so that he didn't have to see her being all nice and cozy with the damned mangy wolf. Kami, _him_, he really did hate.

A stretched of his lips again became one of those characteristic cold, arrogant smirks of him. _She couldn't probably walk straight after that night. _Male pride, filling his lungs, and he wished he hadn't taken a shower to the mangy wolf could smell her on him, all around him, crying like the crazy she was when he was inside her, begging for more, creaming from him.

Squeezing his eyes closed he grimaced as he willed his hardening length, down. Yes it was good she wasn't there. Satisfaction was just about to ebb away to curiosity, when he found Sango in his face.

She smelled of tears, and she was lacking the habitual sardonic demeanor that was Sango. She looked positively desperate, and she was looking at him as if he was her last hope. His eyes darted around her head to find Miroku's troubled eyes falling to the ground when he tried to hold their gazes together. Bankotsu was musing, but his face long and hard. Kouga was so red in fury, his fists clenching so hard blood dripped down the valley of white knuckles.

"Have you seen Kagome?"

"What? Something you can't tell me, and gotta tell the wench? Why the long faces stupid heads? And why is wolf-shit here? I don't know where the bitch is" He swallowed a lump that had lodged itself in her throat and he didn't even know. Sango's eyes lost the glint of the last hope and she punched him hard on the shoulder – where she could reach, her eyes tearing again.

He and Miroku had known Sango since they're little, now they're dating, but they're best friends. And he'd never seen Sango so desperate and sad except in her father's funeral.

She was going to punch him again when Miroku hugged her from behind, warmed her and welcomed her in his arms, grabbing her vengeful fists. And she broke down crying. Crying so hard she rocked from head to toe with each sob. And the only thing she screamed, when he tried to sooth her too, and help her along with Miroku- who still didn't meet his eye- how they'd done in her father's funeral 4 years ago, was…

"You bastard!"

She and Kagome had grown pretty attached to themselves. Pretty maybe wasn't the term, they're like sisters. As he and Miroku were like brothers. Kagome had moved to Tokyo from Okinawa when her father had died to live with her Grandfather, mother and cat in that shrine near the _mori no Inuyasha. _That was how they'd met, he'd gone to visit his precious forest and found her there.

And Sango sobbed, she didn't let him touch her, fumbling to get out of Miroku's arm, who seemed as broken as her.

"You bastard! You'll rot in hell." She rasped with a voice that had no more shoud, so much had she bawled already. Then she adopted a very composed and proper demeanor and said slower and lower. "I don't know you"

And she ran away.

Miroku looked at his girlfriend's retreating form and waited for the impending question, the one forming in the lips of an astonished Inu hanyou that now, watched his back, as he wasn't sure what reaction he'd have if he looked at Inuyasha. Would he hate him, like Sango did right now? Would he pity him, because he didn't even comprehended what he truly felt? Would he love him more, as the brothers they were, because he'd be… crushed?

"What the fuck is this about?" the voice was angry. Inuyasha didn't enjoy not knowing what was happening, of course not, they're treating him like he had killed someone. Man he wished Kagome was here, she'd support him, as always, he was sure she would.

Miroku's voice was shallow and hollow as he spoke to a quiet Bankotsu.

"Would you please see to Sango?"

Bankotsu's dark blue eyes, as he nodded solemnly, encountered Miroku's, and then the Inu-hanyou's, probing for some strange knowledge. Then he turned on his heels and walked away just like Sango had gone. Kouga was long gone, somewhere between Sango desperate questioning and her unilateral shouting match.

"Look" Miroku still didn't look at him, but he wasn't about to pry about that, right now he just wanted to know what was going on. "What the hell is going on in here?"

Still not looking at him, Miroku sighed and pocketed his hands, his chest constricting.

"Kagome's missing."

"W-Wha…?"

The revelation was as heavy as a block o concrete in his chest, then he felt dizzy, the world was spinning. Where was he? He didn't even felt like he was in his body anymore. What had he just said? Kag…Kagome? _Kagome!_ ? Before the realization of what Miroku had just spoken settled in, Inuyasha was already hearing it again.

"Kagome's missing since Thursday, She didn't return home, she doesn't pick up her phone… Sango knew you had been…" he swallowed the thickness of his throat as he remembered sweet azure grey eyes the owner, smiling at him and saying

"_Sango likes you Miro-kun, I'm sure of it!"_

He didn't want, couldn't look at Inuyasha, but he was to quiet… No he'd tell her the rest then look. How would he tell him that, if he was looking him eye to eye? He was afraid for his head and for his friend. and he was courageous for nothing.

"Higurashi ba-san … called Sango this morning. The police found her car …in the Sumida-gawa"

And just like that he felt his epiphany crush so hard into him he felt like he needed to vomit, claws embedded in the wall he heaved his stomach content, his eyes shedding red tears, reflecting the color of his eyes.

He was Youkai, disheveled and eyes glazed over with tears, as he clawed at his chest trying to find what was, that in him kept aching so much, not just merely aching… It was being twisted knotted battered, ripped to shreds,

Tears vomit and the fat drops of his blood fell to the ground in a puddle of misery, and there he saw himself. A monster.

And when Miroku finally turned around he found a broken man, looking at him begging for pity, relief of his sins. Repentance and regret filled his misery stricken face. He sought Absolution. He needed a reassurance, that wouldn't come.

His fault in did, Miroku was still compelled to hug him and cry with him, and so he did. He just didn't dare to say it would be ok. It wouldn't


	2. Strangelove

Disclaimer: I don't own either Inuyasha or _Strangelove_, those belong to the amazing, marvelous Depeche Mode- I think I could possibly fit in almost every music of theirs a story of Inuyasha and Kagome. The title of the chapter is Strangelove, because the song was my inspiration. I mean just look at the lyrics!

A/N: It was supposed to be a two-shot but … I still have things to say, and I didn't want to make oversized chapters like the monstrosities in Risaishi. Therefore I think that this two-shot just acquired a three-shot status.

Strangelove

_There'll be times  
when my crimes  
will seem almost unforgivable  
I give in to sin  
because you have to make this life livable_

_Depeche Mode- 'Strangelove'_

Sesshomaru frowned down looking at the waking Tokyo that unraveled under his sight.

This time he'd a big problem in hands.

He was older than Inuyasha, and therefore he'd learnt some time ago how to notice family bonds, even if they hadn't emerged and hadn't been done and completed yet- the bond that was to be between his younger brother and the woman-child, Kagome.

That had been what had passed when he'd seen Kagome for the first time in one of the many occasions, Inuyasha had brought her home. He knew his brother previews affair with the race-psycho that was Kikyo, and how she dumped him every time she sporadically realized he was a hanyou. Truth was that girl had never known what she wanted. With Kagome, the opposite attitude was evident. Kagome had always shown profound devotion to his brothers. And because Inuyasha had suffered so much, when a child, Sesshomaru thought that she was indeed the best for him, she was kind and loving but she had a temper that matched his- she could make Inuyasha happy.

Despite that, Sesshomaru was also aware of the things Inuyasha did to her, the humiliations he made her go through, he slowly destroyed her, stripped her of dignity to making her his slave, to making her keep coming back to him again and again whenever he _needed. _And if he hadn't sensed the sizzling edges of the would be bond, Inuyasha's youki crackling in powerful red with Kagome's soothing peaceful pink reiki, he'd never believe they're meant to be together for centuries.

But now, he had never been so sure. When he had received that call from Miroku, his voice trembling and failing as he explained him through the phone the circumstances in which his brother had collapsed, he had been sure of what he so tangibly felt but so often would found himself questioning due to Inuyasha's actions. Kagome was to be his mate. In his opinion she should already be, _She should already be _he affirmed to himself, convinced more and more of his younger sibling's lack of good judgment _If she was, this would've never happened. Inuyasha would have never permitted it. _

But now his dear otouto, the grown figure of the chibi little boy who'd one day grabbed his aniki's trousers, scared, tears brimming his eyes as he pleaded for haha-ue or chichi-ue... was a shadow.

Slim and elegant pale fingers gripped the bridge of his aristocratic nose, deadly claws prickling the tiredness of his face. How could he help Inuyasha? It was impossible! If she had fallen to the Sumida, she couldn't possibly alive… could she?

_Well, it is not impossible._

But that was such a distant notion, the thought that someone could survive to such fall and such force of the nature… it was not rational. What would he do? Inuyasha couldn't stay locked in a room full of ofudas in every exit, powerful, and that what demanded Miroku replacing them every day for the rest of his days.

His mind focused on his own mate...How could he ever get back in two feet if sweet Rin ever died? How could a man replace true love? It was nearly impossible, although many could. But for youkai it was ever so different… the one the Gods had chosen for a youkai wouldn't ever leave his mind, spirit, heart… After they're joined they're the very essence of each other.

As mother sky gave birth to the sun again, Sesshomaru considered his options. Inuyasha was his blood, and chichi-ue had left him in his guard, he couldn't let him do something stupid, but then again how not to do something stupid in a situation like this?

A groan left his tired lips at the same time that nimble pale arms cushioned his back against exposed breasts. Then a mane of black silk draped through his shoulder and chest mingling with the silver that was his precious hair. Rin's breath aired over his neck and he was in that moment, even more aware of her frailty. That breath could be stolen away in a heartbeat, and he had the enemies to do it. In spite of being quite selfish to think about his own mate who was perfectly well, while Inuyasha grieved the lost of his; he couldn't shake the thought of his mind. Rin was his most treasured belonging.

"_Koishii_ "she said "Come to bed. The sun hasn't risen yet." Her voice husky from the sleep he lacked of.

"I'll go"

A sigh followed his statement, and she looked at him with knowing eyes.

"Are you thinking about Inuyasha?" her voice fell, she too pitied his brother. It was the truth. Although not a Inu-youkai bitch, Rin had the bond, and therefore she could feel mate emotions as strongly as her partner. He didn't answer, and Rin came to stand by his side, his long muscled arm clutching her shoulders to his side strongly. As her doe-eyed also surveyed the landscape Rin finally decided, after some seconds, put her mouth into it.

"It must be unbearable. The guilt. The sudden knowledge that she was his mate… could it really be, love?"

He furrowed perfectly shaped eyebrows in musing and then spoke.

"I…don't know." His face abruptly filled with surprise, concern. "He can't stay that way…"

Rin's eyes brimmed with tears just as it had happened when she face her brother in law bound to a bed with ofudas , writhing in pain as the red still took over his eyes, his fangs, enlarged, had broken his lips, blood trickled down his chin… And tears rolled down his cheeks. He'd looked at her and begged her to get Kagome. His _mate _he'd said. She was powerless, and so was Sesshomaru when the same request had been directed to him.

"I know. We have to do something."

Her answer had no malice. And her husband and mate knew it but it was the last drop in a week of deep frustration due not being able to help his kin. Inuyasha and Rin were all that was left for him, and although he'd never admit it about his brother, he loved him since he was a child, foreign to the world he belonged to. Therefore, he snapped. If the large window walls of his apartment in Tokyo weren't so resistant he'd have shattered them- which could be dangerous seeing he was in the thirteenth floor- when his fists slammed down on it with rage and his forehead joined them, making a misery triangle stamped against Tokyo, still covered in shadows.

"Don't you think I've contacted everyone I know? Of course we have to do something! Do you think I like to see my brother like this…?"

"Sesshomaru, I…" she broke her own sentence with the heaving of a sigh. Then he felt a soothing hand trace patterns along his bare back, her warm cheek coming to rest above one of his shoulder blades. Then a kiss followed.

"We'll find a way to help him, love. Be sure of it."

Her answer warmed him and he chastised himself for having answered in such a rude manner. Taking his hand in hers he twirled her to his chest and held her thigh, back against the cold glass that he'd just punched before.

"I'll do anything in my power."

"I know, love." Her soft voice tender and kind, exactly what he needed made him weak and he succumbed to her.

"I love you, Rin"

"I also know that, love."

* * *

"I still can't understand though!" Inuyasha's best friend languidly lounged with a troubled face in a living room that wasn't his. His partner looked at him with annoyed eyes.

"I won't ever forgive Inuyasha"

"Sango…"

"No!" she refused to hear anything at all about Inuyasha, and although she had been worried as hell when he'd to be bound in his own house, she'd again crumbled to the floor crying both for her best friend and sister's cruel fate, and for Inuyasha's stupidity that had ended her life and endangered his own."You know better than anyone else my motives are valid."

"Sango he is an induced coma right now…"

"Shut up!" the glass from where she'd been drinking her casual coke leaning against her couch and watching TV with Miroku was thrown to him and almost grazed his golden earring. Nervously combing his short ponytail Miroku turned sad eyes from her, but cleared his throat.

"He suffered too…He's suffering right now…"

"Miroku don't test me…" Her eyes were freezing when they met his amethyst gaze. He almost shuddered but she already knew how much it affected him when she was angry, he wasn't ready to let her know that he was really scared of her sometimes. "I know things you can't dream of. You can't imagine what she suffered… But she stupidly, so stupidly and blindly in love with that stupid jackass kept … kept coming back…"

He never doubted her.

"Inuyasha was merely confused… imagine what it is to find out because she died, that he was also in love with her, that she was his mate, to be aware of his vile acts against her. He's ashamed of himself… I'm sure of it. I know Inuyasha."

Inuyasha had always been, since he remembered walking, talking and groping, his best friend. He knew… he knew that man he'd grown to had little to do with the scared little child he'd known younger, but that didn't mean he didn't have to defend him.

This time Sango's eyes glinted with fury, one of her hands came down to slap the surface of the low hibachi.

"Miroku he has left her spread open to go meet the stupid bitch. He has called her name while being with Kagome; He treated her with no honor and no dignity- to him she was a thing. He even slapped her once, when she dare say to him the truth: that she'd seen his precious Kikyo with another guy." Panting harshly Sango faced Miroku with a knowing bitter smile on her face and then her demeanor changed to longing, her eyes flew to the wall above the TV.

"I wish I could've made it stop."

She whispered wrapping fighter arms around her knees.

"Don't tell me that he suffered. He's a bastard… But he'd not the only one to blame. No. I am too. I should have never let this continue… The weight of guilt I wear is the weight of the tears she has shed over the time when she came here to cry on my shoulder." Her head shook in sour realization "I was weak and stupid… I thought he'd be able to change. But no… that stupid whore, was all he ever wanted… Kagome was a play thing… and now… now she's dead" bottom lip quivering Sango embraced her boyfriend and a great sob tore both their insides. Miroku's comforting hands soothed his back as Rin's had done for Sesshomaru.

"It's not your fault Sango… it was…fate."

She didn't pay attention to his words, instead his shirt was fisted in trembling hands and tears bloodied it.

"She's dead" Sango whispered as if although it had happened a week ago, she was only now beginning to comprehend it. It had downed on her like a brick against a window, shattering. "She's dead…" And heart wrenching sobs emblazoned her phrases, broke them. "She called me that night saying she was doing something stupid, that she'd regret it but that she couldn't stop it… You don't understand Miroku… she tried to tell me but I said she was exaggerating like always. She knew I was drunk, so she said she'd tell me other time…"

Miroku could only cry for her, and for the destruction he saw around him. Still he believed, no one else suffered more that Inuyasha now.

* * *

His _alpha_ had locked him. The room was so overwhelmed in ofudas that the walls crisped with spiritual power, and that was why the walls had the burning marks of his punches.

His hands were bloodied and raw; he could see in some places his knuckles under the melted flesh. Red fire eyes and turquoise iris surveyed the room with wrath and he watched the puddle stained floor with his blood like a sheath covering it. The spiritual power slowed his healing process, but he didn't care, now Inuyasha welcomed the pain he deserved with open arms, called for it, kissed it in the mouth like a strange lover who he'd give himself too.

This room contained exhibit of three kinds of injuries. The one he had brought on himself by trying to break free from his jail- the dungeons of the western shiro- he'd tried to smash himself against walls, had punched them, and kicked them. These were the walls that prevented him of searching his mate. He refused to believe…

Then it contained the proof of his self mutilation. He'd bitten his own fingers, trying not to claw his heart of his chest, because it hurt so much he'd felt tike tearing it apart. He missed her; he missed her already so much- he'd never been more than four days without Kagome, and seven miserable days had passed. He couldn't believe she was …

And it also was embedded in the worst injury he had. The grief that threatened to tear him apart, made him roll in the ground, trying to ease the heaviness he felt in his body that didn't even let him get on two feet. No, he denied the possibility of her being dead.

But he could never deny the guilt that was constantly choking him, that prevented air to his lungs- only the amount needed to make him live and suffering.

Now hazy minded, and with his vision painted the red of anguish, Inuyasha saw more clearly than ever. She had been his mate and he'd demeaned her, humiliated her. She could never love him. And although he couldn't accept her supposed death, he'd never marked her convinced of his love for the other bitch- although he'd had that urge many, many times, over the time he'd fucked her- and because she didn't bore his crest upon her skin he'd never be sure, he couldn't feel her live, her breath in his lungs, like he had to make himself sure they're in hers.

He had to make himself sure because he needed her alive, and he'd to be alive to search her. And if he believed her truly dead, he'd die too. Although they're not connected in flesh, she's the only one he'd crave yearn, long for as long as he was alive, she was water to mitigate his eternal thirst now that he was sure of what she was for him.

Silver hair sizzled and burned when the head where it was attached connected strongly with the wall behind it. A _crack _marked the violent opening of that same skull that would heal itself eventually, he had no more tears to cry, he had no more blood to shed, he'd no more throat to howl and scream, because the lack of her made his body ache and blister.

Now that he was full demon he'd clarity, and he chastised the hanyou junction he was for the lack of good judgment, and although they're not marked mates, now that he'd had her he felt the missing of her body against his sweaty, groaning, circling him. He _needed _her, it wasn't merely want. She was the beating of his heart; she pumped blood into his vein.

His sight glazed over when his eyes fell over the only thing his alpha had let him keep. Talking was harsh for him in his youkai form but he still felt the eminent need to growl a mutter of her name as he buried his sensitive nose in her shirt.

Despair had never clung to him so harshly, had never filled his pores in such agony, threatening to take hold of his spirit and overwhelm him so much with guilt.

The guilt, the guilt he felt over ever having stepped out of her embrace that night when he'd had her so ferociously.

And he remembered it clearly, as if the memory lived beneath his skin, behind his eyes, tattooed in his ribs and heart.

_Flashback_

_Inuyasha looked angrily at his cell phone, Kikyo had said she was going to meet him at Insomnia lounge in Shibuya. Then when he'd gotten there, she'd called him saying she didn't want to meet him anymore and that she'd call him later, and she'd hung up. _

_So his idea was, relief, that being Kagome._

_Taking his sophisticated cell phone to his mouth and waited._

"_Ya-Yasha?" her voice was sleepy and groggy and he looked at the clock in his wrist, looking from the inside of his BMW to the road that would take him to her house. The Higurashi shrine. A smirk stretched his hasty lips when he saw 2 AM in the black Seiko watch. _

"_You asleep?" he rasped_

"_Uh… yeah… What's the matter?"_

"_Nothing at all. I was just wondering if you want to have a drink…"_

"_Actually I have to study tomorrow morn…"_

"_Hey! C'mon it's Friday night. I'll go and get you." She seemed uncomfortable when she answered and that annoyed him. Kagome should never be uncomfortable near him. But still her response was affirmative and he gave it no more thought._

"_Sure… I needed to talk to you anyway. But I'll bring my car. "_

"_Fine then, meet me at Insomnia in Shibuya" _

_He hated when she wanted to bring her car, and didn't even thought about what she had said about talking. That was the most distant thing in his mind right now. Bringing her car meant she said she'd end up on her stomach in his bed sheaths and would leave right after. He didn't care though that was what he needed tonight. Not playing tonight. Relieving the ache Kikyo's rejection had left in his loins. She'd already hung up._

_Redirecting his car to shibuya ward, he found Insomnia comfortably and sat with a brand-new double whisky in a white plush couch, waiting for her._

_And when he started to see male heads twirl to the door, and some jaws slackening, Inuyasha twirled his too in a swirl of beautiful hue of silver, knowing it was her. He'd never been so possessive with someone as he was with Kagome and a growl made its way out of his throat when he saw her coming in with one of those damn pleated mini-skirts that could've belonged to a seirufuku if it wasn't so fucking short, knee length white socks and high heeled black shoes and one of his white shirts open to reveal a tight white wife beater. Gods she was so hot, his skin was on fire. Her hair was ever so disheveled and it curled to her lower back, the shiny locks hued by the soft blue light that filled the cocktail lounge._

_Big blue-grey eyes rose from the floor to him, when he was suddenly in front of her, one arm circling her waist and smashing her body against his. She tried to shake his hold, aware of the amount of people watching them from the corner of their eyes, but he pulled her harder to him and growled in a low baritone voice._

"_What bitch? You're mine; it's a good thing they're watching."_

"_Inuyasha…" she complained, just by using his name and escaped his hold directing herself to the counter. _

_Annoyed he followed her there, and then to the table where he'd waited for her and where he'd left his whisky. _

_Half-hooded eyes gazed on his and her sensual alluring voice soothed his ears. Kagome was the perfect cure to any time of frustration._

"_So… I haven't seen you in a while" Of course not, he'd spent his days last two days with Kikyo. He shrugged her indirect question and answered nonchalantly that he'd been busy. She narrowed her eyes on him and then avoided his look. Taking a sip of her margarita. He observed with a sheath of dark lust over his amber eyes the way her plum lips embraced the glass and shivered. _

"_That's nice." Her voice was cold and measured and this time it was him who found himself narrowing his eyes on her .What the hell was wrong with her?_

"_What about you?" if she needed to loosen up then they talk drink and dance, But he needed to have her tonight. _

"_Nothing much I went to have lunch with the girls and Hojo-kun the other day…"_

"_You did what?" he growled, his glass of whisky rolling to the floor, the rest of the topaz liquid spreading in an ominous stain._

_She avoided his reproofing glare and stirred her drink with the straw._

_Slamming two bills of 1000 yens on the table he stood up and walked to his prey slowly, his intention of punish her for what she had just said covering his features. Kagome's eyes again found his as he stopped looking to a distant couple and met his dark lusty and punishing amber orbs. Suddenly a clawed hand was on her arm and she was being dragged out of Insomnia. New thing she knew she had been slammed against his BMW. His boy immediately covering hers._

"_What did I say about meeting with that boy?" his voice harsh and she displeased eyes looked away again with a frown. The same demanding clawed hand came up to make her gently look at him. Their noses almost touching. Another clawed hand making his way to the inside of her wife beater._

"_You said I was forbidden." She sputtered, and then her poise became more confident. Her chin high as she spoke again "But I don't really think you have anything to with it. It's my life. I mean I don't forbid you to meet Kikyo, Gods forgive if I ever say anything about your girlfriend- who you cheat with me- ever again right Inuyasha? Wouldn't want to be slapped again" _

_Her voice had a bitter edge to it that he'd never heard from her and it shook him to his toes, his hand moving from her chin to her throat, his claws burying in her skin without breaking it this time, as he reassured himself that she was still there, under his body, under his control. His body shaking as he remembered the time when it had been his hand throwing her against the bad, when she'd said something he said it was the true about Kikyo._

"_I don't know where you're going with this Kagome, but you're not leaving my side."_

"_No." she agreed, her eyes straining to the side again, a stupid tear fleeing from her sad gaze as she softly whispered. "Because I'm addicted, because I'm too weak."_

"_Good."And his lips clashed on hers, punishing, raw and aching, drawing red welts on the plum skin of her once pure petals_

_When both minds returned from the lust filled fog they had been swimming in since they both had parked each car in front of the __Daikanyama Heights , Inuyasha was opening the door and giving her time to breath the familiar scent of his house. Then they're on each other again… his hands disposing her of his shirt, ripping her wife beater in two, so that she'd leave with one of his shirts again, as he led her to the room she knew so well, they tripped over objects in the floor, in their hurried pace, her hands worked him off the black shirt he wore quickly without snapping a single button, deed he wasn't able to perform._

"_Yasha…"_

"_Say it" he ordered between nips to her bottom hip and to her long and elegant neck, which she bared to him willingly, wantonly. Her nimble hands encircling his neck, pulling him closer, making him feel the hardness of her nipples in his skin, his hands now searching the zipper of the skirt. He actually enjoyed her skirts, they showed off her long shapely legs, legs he also wanted always wrapped around him. _

"_I won't" she whined in his ear, her tongue stretching out of her mouth to lick it, but suddenly, she found her back meeting his crimson satin comforter. He growled and smirked at the figure of her, naked from the waist up, the zipper of her skin open and the garment slid of her forever long legs when he pulled it. His taunt firm body leisurely covering hers, one of his hands dragging itself from her leg to her crotch where he found her silk lace panties soaked with juices, the fruit of his control._

"_You know you won't have it of you don't say it…" The hanyou sign sang as his fingers dived in her heat, inside her panties., her back arched off the bed to met his lips, and he grabbed a nipple, sucked on it like a hungry babe as the other hand kneaded the other breast. Her legs rubbed furiously, her cheeks were tainted in red, as was her chest, her hair was even more disheveled and her plum lips were even more appealing shaped in a sensual 'o' but…_

"_Open your damn eyes, little girl, and say it or you won't get it." He growled in her hear, his jeans too tight for the rocking hard erection that sat between his legs as his finger circled her nether lips and clit, eliciting loud moans from her throat , a throat he laved with kisses, nipped on with a satisfying sense of control, even if he was getting blue balls, he was going make her say it, she was so wet, her slit stick and sultry, and he fell in love once again for that sin. _

"_You know I can make it worse. Say it." _

_But her hand had escaped his control, and was no easing him off of his belt and trousers, taking his bulging hard on in her hand through his boxers, clutching it tightly and giving t along with the squeeze and firm jerk. He hissed and rolled back his eyes._

"_Bitch, let go of that, you'll just have it when you say it." His voice was harder and husky, lust drowned him every time he opened his eyes and saw her, the little once maiden that he had tainted so many times._

"_Think how hot and wet it is inside baby" she moaned to his floor when he inserted a finger in her the palm of his hand pressing against her clit, she shook uncontrollably, bucking against his hand. "Don't you want to have me on my hands and knees? Or do you want me to ride it tonight?"_

_He growled in her ear and bit her when her sultry words travelled to him and he rocked his hips and his erection in her hand, his body shaking. But he was too stubborn to give up; she was always the one to give up. _

_Golden eyes met blue-grey hooded one and he knew she was going to be hard today; therefore his body began the heaven's descent, his mouth now, hovering just above the dark silk of her panties. His rough tongue tasted the wet silk and both she and he rolled their eyes backwards. He tasted her arousal and immediately he'd to take that silken barrier of to merge his tongue in hers, needing to feel her fluid running down his chin._

_Burying his nose and mouth on her shaved velvet heaven a growl ebbed in her flesh and she cried out loud, a hand pushing his face deeper in her as tears escaped her eyes , his hands massaging her, from tight to breast where he found a hard nipple waiting for his caresses, the other hand holding her leg up from the back of her knee. His fang pinched her nerves and she cried out to the ceiling again. _

_Above the small patch of dark curls he enjoyed her pleasure. The pleasure she herself had admitted she was addicted. So was he…_

"_Onegai! Onegai shimasu! "She groggily rasped out loud, her eyes glazed over. For a moment he stopped his ministrations and licked his lips, his chin resting on her pelvic bone, but one of his fingers, from the hand that had been supporting her leg made its sneaky way to her wet folds and caressed them, her lashed fluttered but she didn't yield. _

"_What else?"_

"_I won't see him again"_

_With a cocky smile he slid his body along hers and kissed her passionately, her taste savoring her desire for the hot specimen over her. _

"_Please Yasha…"_

"_That's a good girl" he kissed her again and a hiss eased his length into her tight passage, her velvet crevices were pillowed and warm and wet, so wet, sticky._

"Fuck" _he swore under his breath as her hips bucked against him._

"_Keep your eyes open, Kagome. Or I'll stop." His voice was an order she could no longer deny. She needed his, needed him. He was an addiction. She knew he wouldn't be able to stop now that he'd began to grind in her, a airy sigh leaving her lips as she admitted to herself that she wasn't able to deny it to him. And she opened glazed over eyes to him._

_Hooking the back of her knees in his elbow junction, she looked aside to meet the view of her knees, and down to meet the erotic sight of his hard and thick length plummet in her aching soaked boy. Flesh met flesh and he groaned near her ear:_

"_You're so wet for me, so ready… How does it feel?_

"_So good baby, so good… "She whimpered, a tinge of hysterics to her talk, as if she was afraid he would stop. Her arms desperately closed in on his neck, her hands escaping to his sweaty mane of silver strands. _

_His trusts evolved from deep and measured to the harsh frantic fucking he knew she liked. She mewled louder and he groaned harsher when he felt her snug entrance close in on his shaft._

"_Who do you belong to?" he required from her._

"_I love you" but her answer was soft and sincere._

_He kept quiet for the rest of the rut, almost affronted with her familiar admission. Even as she dressed, grabbed her car keys and left without saying goodbye. He'd no idea it would be the last time he'd see her._

_End of flashback_

The taste of blood sheltered his tongue and he realized he was biting himself again. No it wasn't the last time. Looking down at his dirtied jeans he acknowledged the bulge in his pants but embraced the pain that it would give. He couldn't touch it. Has stupid as it seemed, he couldn't do it.

Disgust and self-loathing filled him as he returned his hand to the brisk air and noticed the fang marks on its palm. A hand that'd been in so much contact with her, so many times. He was madly jealous with his body suddenly who'd come closer to her, than his mind ever would. Because he'd believed the love he nurtured for the other creature, the other lying stupid bitch was the real thing. He could never go mad because Kikyo… but Kagome… he was doing it successfully for her.

He no longer sought for absolution of his sins, he just sought for a goodbye. Because even though he believed her alive he'd too many things to repent for… to even think in absolution. Kagome should never h ave to see him again.

He sought for the peace that would come from closing himself in a dark room without her forever. Gloomy pain slashed him like a thunder and he screamed, new tears blazing his sight.

"Kagome…" he murmured again pressing the cloth against his nose.

But he'd get her back.

_Pain will you return it  
I'll say it again - pain  
Pain will you return it  
I won't say it again_

I give in  
Again and again  
I give in  
Will you give it to be  
I give in  
I'll say it again  
I give in

_Depeche Mode- 'Strangelove'_

Chino-chan

When economical crisis strike, let's review, its freeee!


	3. Damaged People

Disclaimer: I own neither Inuyasha nor Depeche Mode- although I'd love to… (Martin is a genius and Dave is pure sex!)

AN: I'm sorry for having to make up a place. But I just have to, to make the story fit. All the other places like Insomnia lounge in Shibuya and Daikanyama Heights in the same ward are real places. Also, in the last chapter there are plenty of mistakes, and when I end this story I promise I'll edit it. I confess that Depeche Mode are my biggest inspiration to write KagXInu, most of the times involving sex and angst.

Also I know I promised you only one more chapter, but it was impossible to scramble everything in this one, therefore I think I need one more chapter and then maybe and epilogue. Enjoy.

**lll - Damaged People**

The night entered sharply through a gap that Miroku's soft peach curtains hadn't covered. The light came from the moon, which was voluptuous that night in its round forms- it was full.

Two figures in a bed were contoured by that weak light that moonlit the room. Peace had fallen over their bodies languidly and now they enjoyed sleep when most people could find release of their inner demons. So could they.

They couldn't however escape when the ringing of the phone, that at 2:44 AM sharp broke the quietness, brought both the male and the female body laying in that large king-sized bed up, trembling and winded.

Dark amethyst met cinnamon and her hand was faster than his to reach for the phone that was also nearer her, on the night table. Groggily her voice communicated.

"Mo…mochi-mochi"

"Sango?"

The woman who had picked up the phone, rose the device to see the caller ID since she was to inebriated with sleep to distinguish that voice from the ones that had plagued her dreams.

"Rin? What's the matter" her worry tumbled in on her, as she for a moment, begging apologies at Kagome's soul, thought about broken Inuyasha, who'd looked more like her childhood best friend than in the last fourteen years.

"Well… I know you're really pissed about it… and I understand. But Inuyasha … You see Miroku told us to tell him if anything changed. And Inuyasha kind of… woke up."

"What? Wasn't he in an induced coma?"

"Yeah he was. But he woke up today at nightfall, we saw it through the cameras when we got here. This shouldn't be happening. The incantation … the ofudas… look… can you guys just come here to the shiro? I know it's a little far… but…" the young lady's voice broke in a hushed sound that seemed wet with tears.

"Oh Sango… he does such things…" Her voice clogged with sadness and Sango was suddenly before a situation that she thought unsolvable. She was disappointed with Inuyasha, she'd always thought he'd man up and take care of Kagome, she'd always thought he'd be honest with himself, and choose her. And he had let her down, thus she thought he deserved everything he was getting. He'd brought this on himself- she thought.

But… Kagome was such a kind person… what would she say if she ever saw her innermost feelings? She'd as disappointed as she was with Inuyasha. Besides, he was her friend… and she loved him, she was worried about him. And if his situation was something like Miroku had described… then yes he must've been going through an awful, irremediable agony.

She was torn apart between helping Inuyasha and not helping. But her thought hadn't much thought in it. It was simple: he'd fucked up. But he'd been fucking up a lot since long time ago, and it wasn't for not forgiving him when she herself had never done against the illicit encounters. Encounters, they should have never had, she should've protected Kagome better, and she knew Inuyasha was darkening on the inside, but she just wanted them to be happy.

To her, Kagome could save Inuyasha, and her best friend had been so madly in love with the hanyou…

"Sango? You still there?"

"Yeah… We're going."

Miroku's eyes travelled through the darkness to find hers and he found there a shining of worry that he didn't expect to. Was Inuyasha okay?

* * *

_You know what I need  
when my heart bleeds  
I suffer from greed  
a longing to feed  
on the mercy in you_

_Depeche Mode-Mercy in you_

The darkness was ebbing away. But she didn't want to let go of it. No… her body was drained of forces…There was something pulling her upwards from the comfortable numbness that had invaded her bones since she didn't know when- it just seemed like forever now.

No she didn't want to leave this darkness, she was happy but she noticed the lack of pain in her heart, as if it had always been the only thing there. And she knew that going upwards was being drown all over again, but in sorrow, instead of deadness.

She'd rather live in the empty darkness that in the tourbillion of feeling she knew she had once, at some point.

She just couldn't remember why?

Why was it? Why was there a whole in her chest? Has she suffered a lot? Had someone hurt her? What had happened?

Again a surge of live coursed her body, bur she recoiled her immaterial body recoiled from resurrection. Why come back? Here she didn't have to suffer ever again, whispered the voiced hidden in the gloom.

Then why did a little piece of her heart, which was so much smaller than the large hole that perforated her chest, thrummed with such power? Why did it feel like it was absorbing those surges of powers? Why did it long? Whom did it long for?

Upwards it was cold, cold was beginning to seep into her veins, it chilled her and she quivered in fear. What would she find above the warmth of the calm darkness? Why did she want to find more and more... but she felt so safe here… and safe was so good. She had never felt safe had she? Upwards there was only pain and suffering, she wanted to bury her mind in the murkiness of the numbness, she wanted to join those dark voiced that lured her. Then why did her little thrumming device, lodged in her perforated chest, thumped wildly nudging her up, pulling her back.

Most of all… why didn't she want to come back to life?

_Flashback_

_Her screams escalated to scaring highs, her back arched, her arms around him, she found completion as she always found whenever he explored her depths._

_This were the moments she wanted to repeat to him how much she wanted him, how much her heart longed for him, how much she wanted to reach out, touch him, pull him inside her body to shield him against any and every adversity. _

_Her love could swallow mountains, the whole world, if it meant she'd be allowed to share this with him._

_Although she knew, she was no fool, that he sought relieve in her body, for the pain that had been caused for his love of another._

_It was sad, and degrading, and humiliating- and she'd tried to tell him sooner that she couldn't keep this going on. But how to escape yourself? She wondered._

_Therefore when his lips had clashed with hers, in a powerful bust of lust, Kagome had decided that this was the last time- she loved him and this wasn't healthy for him, to be stuck to such a pernicious addiction. She wanted him to be happy. With her pain, she could live, not with his._

_He growled in her ear, his nose scrunching as he sniffed her long swan neck arched backwards, as she rose the marvelous waves of the orgasm he'd gifted her with – her mouth babbling his name in broken syllables- and he pumped, and pumped and pumped, relentless, aiming to please both himself and her._

_And as he came to his peak, roaring and sucking on that special place where shoulder met neck, that he cherished so much, his seed, thick and glorious, spilled in her womb, and she gave an humanistic growl one more time for the sensations he caused in her that rocked her to her very core._

_Two moments passed before he exited from her, now sagging and exhaust, and threw his back to the mattress. Not a word came out of his lips since her confession- one she knew she shouldn't have done, but again, she couldn't control it, and he'd heard it too many times._

_She was now surer than ever. She had to leave. And by leaving, leave Inuyasha be, to live his life. What could've been happiness was left behind that night, when after that movement of his, sprawling on the mattress, she grabbed her clothes and began to dress her fragile and broken body._

_The brunette woman could feel his golden eyes on her, watching as she molded the knee length socks to her calves, as she squirmed into the pleated mini skirt, and as she rose her mass of ebony shiny locks from the collar of his shirt that had imprisoned it. She grabbed her car keys hurled to the ground in the throes of passion and stopped, shaking. _

_When she turned, her eyes lingered on him, a sweet watery smiled met his nonchalant demeanor (she knew very well he hated when she left… had to fight his demons alone). She closed her precious eyes and took a deep breath of the new life she'd chosen for her- a life without Inuyasha._

_He never moved, nor did he acknowledged her, when she turned, or when she started to walk away without a goodbye or an explanation- this were things they normally shared after what had happened- it was as if he too understood that something was broken. She, she was broken inside. She grabbed her cell phone, already near her car, flipped it open and waited for Sango to pick up._

"_Kaggy?"_

_Her tone of voice denounced Kagome's best friend, and the young girl frowned, half worried, half amused._

"_Are you drunk Sango? "_

"_I may be…" her dragged words made Kagome want to laugh. _

"_Look I have something really important to tell you. Tomorrow I'll meet you in your house."_

"_What? Why? What's up?" Suddenly Sango's voice seemed more sober, and Kagome truly smiled in gratitude. But she didn't muster the courage to either tell her now in front of Inuyasha's apartment, or to tell her at all._

"_Don't worry Sang. I'll tell you tomorrow promise. IT's just. I have decided to do something I cannot escape from doing anymore. I think I'm going away."Saying it out loud was like having a thousand bricks falling on her. Reality downed on her like a maniac, and she understood she was saying she was going to live without Inuyasha. What a scary thought!_

"_What? Kagome are you crying?"Kagome denied it shaking her head, as if her sister could see it, but another sob ripped her chest and she cried harder "Kagome Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong?" Sango seemed immediately frantic._

"_Enjoy your party Sango…" she mumbled, as the cell phone was flipped closed and she smashed it against the ground._

_After that it had been all too quick. She'd entered her Toyota, hastily and perturbed, and had begun to drive home. The bridge came near, but she was too lost in sobs, in weakness to hold the steering wheel in her hands, her view was muddied with salty wetness, and the car swerved to the right, she didn't knew how, but she found herself in the Toyota flying above the Sumida, then come to an abhorrent descent._

_End of Flashback._

**"Inuyasha!"**

Raven air splashed the air when a head came up, in a frenzied way, blue-grey eyes searching the space they found around her. She didn't recognize anything, but she was so, so hot. Her body was on fire.

She was in a frantic, she wanted mother, she wanted Sango and Miro-kun… and she wanted Inuyasha… Gods, she wanted Inuyasha.

But the Inuyasha she wanted didn't exist. She wanted a love that was safe, where she could shield herself from the rocks life threw at her, the terror that had struck her before she'd plunged underwater filled her mouth with large mouthfuls, and she felt like she was drowning all over again…

Damn that thundering device in her chest, which now she knew thumped for her beautiful Hanyou, who by now was furious with her, no question- he always was the one in control, he'd never appreciate it that she'd been the one to break up their … so called relationship.

Kagome whished the dark numbness back.

A voice above her boomed.

"She's awake! Okaa-san! She's awake!"

Another voice, deeper, hushed, older, female answered the first voice in a much more measured tone.

"Quickly Jinenji go get her some cold water and a cloth, she's burning up."

She tried to speak but her throat ached, it had lumps, her voice had done enough damages, when it had screamed his name. But the owner of the voice- who she still couldn't distinguish because her vision was blurred, but who seemed a old woman, by stature she could acknowledge a little woman. – noticed her ill trying, and shook her head, all she could see was a dark blur denying her the need to speak.

"Child, you must not speak you are too weak."

"Whe-Wher..?" she rasped out, her words seemed like sharp stoned ripping her throat to shreds, it burned like hot blood, and she was still so hot, she had no strength, her eyes rolled back and she fell back in a darkness that this time was no comfortable coma. It would be a restless sleep.

The man and the old woman that had found the girl by the river. Unconscious, frozen to death, her skin an eerie blue, her lips true blueberries through where no air passed. She neither shook nor trembled and they immediately had understood that it was no good thing.

Happily, Jinenji the young male was a horse-hanyou that had learned with his father the arts of healing through herbs. Therefore Kagome had been carried to the house of both, who live isolated from everybody. Life in the city was impossible. The country… it was harsh, because not all hanyou could look as good as the sons of the Inu Taiyoukai who'd once ruled all the youkai. No Jinenji had inherited a strange mixture of his mother appearance, and his father's. But, truth be said, his heart thundered in his chest as one of the bravest, the kindest.

Never in his mind, had he thought about leaving the ningen there.

Now laying in their humble but clean and esteemed house, Kagome was a sleep and Jinenji observed her.

"What are you doing?"

"Okaa-san, you scared me… "

"This child is not for you Jinenji, she'd already claimed, in spirit if not in flesh. And it's a powerful one …"

The kind man, which really looked like an equine with his large physique and long face, and bulged eyes like a horse, turned his head aside, avoiding the harsh words of his mother. He knew she was always realistic, the most realistic possible, but it hurt and sometimes he forget how harsh and cold she could be.

Why not keep the beautiful girl? Maybe she'd value him, learn to respect him. He would know how to respect her. He was sure he could even love her… She was indeed beautiful. Raven tresses, pearly skin, blue-grey eyes,… he'd not seen much of her it was true, she had passed most of the time in that strange coma, but he was sure she was a kind person.

Why not keep her?

Because that name that the girl had released, the only one she'd released through the whole time, was a very important name.

And nobody else had it.

What should he do? If she belonged to the prince… What could Jinenji do? He was his subordinate. Lord Sesshomaru and the Taisho household in general took care of any and every matter concerning youkai in Japan in governmental and imperial institutions. It was best if they talked it over, when she woke up.

* * *

"_Take me the fuck out of here, Sesshomaru " _

An aggressive growl coursed the room where Sesshomaru had made him stay. His hands crashed once again against that glass that separated him from the rest of the house, in the dungeons of the shiro, one softer than the other clutching a cotton soft pink camisole, an electric current slapped him in the colors of Miroku's power.

His red eyes sought the wisdom of his brother's yellow ones. Sesshomaru sighed and looked at Miroku. They both wanted to help. Rin had stayed upstairs with Sango. Because Rin could not see this again, and neither could Sango see for the first time. Miroku refused to allow it.

Blood poured on the floor and walls, and even this glass wall, with the form of his hand or not, in puddles in an almost flood. He looked too pale, had refused each plate of food that the servant had brought, and the remnants were smashed against an unbloodied wall, in a pile. His chest showed no sign of being slashed open with his claws every time he thought of her. And that pissed him off further, but his hands, his long claws, covered in dried blood, as his hair, assured him it was truth.

"Otouto, you've to reverse to your hanyou form"

"**No**! She's mine and I want to search for her! She's not dead you idiots!" His fist pounded harder, harder, harder against the glass that shook, but didn't yield. He hissed the words, biting his tongue.

The two males on the other side of the glass looked at their best friend and brother and felt their chest heavier. Was he deranged? And he didn't even know the possibility of suicide that he'd shared with Sesshomaru, and seemed more or less plausible for them both. The women would never believe it. Inuyasha would kill him to even suggest that she'd kill herself, but it was plausible, after what she'd said to Sango… But he had to know the truth. Sesshomaru looked at him quizzically.

"Inuyasha…" Miroku started. The youkai that had turned back to them to tenderly smell the small remnant of Kagome's scent in her surprisingly immaculate blouse. Hot red eyes fixed on Miroku, in a scary angle, over his shoulder. "You can't live in an illusion."

"She's not dead!" he growled furious his fists beating the glass over and over once again, the power in Miroku's ofudas churning the skin and flesh of his knuckles, smoke rose in a sinuous way, but he didn't care

"Someone has her!" His eyes turned from angry to frantic to hysteric, he looked like he was going to burst, his body crossing the horizontal length of the glass wall, to back again be in front of her.

"Someone has her and she's not marked, I have to search for her, and punish her for running away"

"Inuyasha, I have my best men and every Taiyoukai in the world under notice that a woman with her description is to bring here. You can't be released or you'll end up killing some ningen."

"I don't care! I have to get her back!"

"She's dead!" Miroku growled, his humanistic growl, be it, but he growled and also smashed a hand against the unyielding glass.

"Do you want to know Inuyasha? She's dead!"Miroku was red; he seemed unfocused with rage as his eyes bored on Inuyasha's surprised and antic orbs. "´She called Sango, broken with sobs, drowned in tears, she said she was going away, and whose fault is that? Let us all guess, Kikyo turned chilly again, denied you. So who do you call? The only person you know you can use at your will. Kagome's there, you fuck her and she walks away. And you claim she's yours? This is your chance. You don't have to worry about Kagome anymore because she's _fucking dead!"_

The response that came from Inuyasha was unexpected. His eyes returned, slowly, to Kagome loved gold, his stripes faded, his fangs and claws recede, his head became clearer, unblurred with thoughts of her. And then Miroku's words sounded again in his mind. His eyes filled with pain and tears, and his body fell through the bloodied wall, his arms wrapped around the cotton simple blouse and he curled a little, his eyes away from his visitors. He'd never felt so vulnerable, weak, unprotected, nor so empty.

"That's not true. Can't be." He mumbled."She wouldn't leave me Miroku."

Miroku sighed to prevent the tears that always floated to his eyes whenever he saw the man he knew, broken, and kneeled directly across him, separated by the glass wall.

"You hurt her"

"I didn't mean to. I just wanted relief, and I couldn't let her go"

"But you hurt her nonetheless."

"But-but…" his chin quaked and his shoulder hunched, and suddenly Miroku found the little hanyou who'd been scurried out of somewhere because of his heritage. _Damp_, _damp_, made his tears as they landed in his clothes, as they did now. "She said she loved me"

"And you? You've tasted unrequited love, Kikyo doesn't love you, Think about that feeling in Kagome and what you did to her."

Golden eyes closed in a grimace of pain. He'd taken that feeling, which in his mind's eye was her heart, used it then slashed it, broken it, shattered it; fragment it, until nothing was left. He'd destroyed her. And if she'd wanted to leave him, she'd every right to do so. He was the one that should've died though.

"Sesshomaru" His older brother turned cold eyes at him, but he knew better, as he tried to win the sobs and the tears as he spoke, he was sure Sesshomaru was not indifferent. As different as they were, and as uncaring as he'd been in the beginning, Sesshomaru had taken care of him, and they're brothers, it was blood.

"Give me Tetsusaiga."

"No. I'll not give you a weapon." The hanyou seemed aggravated.

"I won't kill myself, stupid, I just don't want to transform again. All I can think about is getting her back to punish her." Avoiding both stares, he swallowed the self loath. He looked at a distant window, filling his skin with moonlight.

"I still have to search her though. I'm hanyou, I won't kill senseless, and you can't stop me." Those amber pained eyes turned to them "I can't believe she's dead, and I'll never believe it. I have to believe I'd feel it in me if she was …"

"You're not marked, nor is she. We can't know if you'd feel it like marked mates or not, because no one ever found himself in your situation."

Inuyasha shook his head and whipped his head to face his brother, with mad furious eyes.

"I know it! I know my blood would die with hers. She's mine! She lacks a stupid mark, to show off whom she belongs to, but that's just that! She's my mate"

As always unresponsive features carved the older Taisho's face. Then a long hand came from the darkness. Sesshomaru caressed the closed glass.

"This Sesshomaru understands." The other hand of the Taiyoukai had sneaked to the side to insert a few numbers in a device that solicited for a code to raise the glass barrier between Inuyasha and freedom.

* * *

Humans knew almost nothing about youkai administration.

Sesshomaru had a few Taiyoukai as his servants across the globe. They're lords of countries and regions, then they also had their subordinates that took care of the youkai matters in a smaller range, then those had their subordinates, which did the same. Eventually everyone was under Sesshomaru.

It had been like this for centuries now, before Sesshomaru it had been the previous Inu no Taisho, before him his father and so on. The Inu clan had always been the leading one, had won every war against rebel who had wanted to take that place like panther and moth youkai.

This was why Inuyasha was a prince. This was why he'd almost unlimited resources.

Just out of his imprisonment, the hanyou rested his head against the cold tile of the walls of his bathroom. Gods he missed her, although he didn't' feel with such intensity as when he was a full youkai, he felt a strange need to balance the youkai and ningen feelings in him… this balance kept pain and anger counter balancing, and it was good. He was glad the new moon had been previous to that night with Kagome. He would have probably killed himself if he was human, then again, maybe not, had he been human, he would still not understand she was to be his mate. A warm tear joined the stream of water hammering his body. He licked it way, but the pain lingered.

The only thought that kept him up was the need to find her; to be sure she was ok. As long as he didn't accept the dark concept of her dead it was ok, it would be ok.

When caged, he'd thought about never hurting her again, and for that to cut all ties with her, as soon as he knew she was ok. But at that time, his thoughts had been fuzzy, and he certainly had been as crazy when that thought surged, than when he thought about strangling her because he had thought she'd run away.

He couldn't face anyone's question about his hope, Inuyasha believed his Kagome was alive and no one would make him change his mind.

As his hands pulled clean clothes over his body he thought seriously about Kagome. He'd been disgusting to her, it was truth, self-loath had already eaten away his loins, but could she still love him? Something bad had happened to her that he didn't doubt off. But she'd always loved him; she would still love him right? They could be happy! He wanted to make her happy, so badly, this time, he needed to show her how much she meant to him, how much he _loved her. _

On his futon in his shoji surrounded bedroom on the shiro, laid a piece of clothing, pink, a little ragged and wrinkled, but it was clean. Kagome's shirt had been worn to the end, by his nose, and now it emanated no scent. Like she, he thought bitterly.

A soft knock on the door made him turn sharply, annoyed by the interruption to his melancholic thoughts. Then Sango came in, and he swallowed hard. She had his best friend, had been so for years, but she also loved Kagome, thus she despised him now.

He waited for her to speak but she didn't. After she entered she'd closed the door somberly, and walked towards him, eyes fixed on the ground. Then she just stood there, quiet, eyes avoiding his, but he could feel the hate radiating from her.

He almost thought about inquiring her about that sour look. What reasons had she to be like that? It was worse for him, none of them could imagine just how much so. In his mind no one could be as tired, hurt, agonized as he was. That was what he thought.

Until he felt her punch his gut. Sango was pretty powerful, coming from a leader Taijyia clan, and being unannounced, that hurt like a bitch.

As he doubled over, and send a clawed hand to search for the wall and for the comfort of some balance when he couldn't get straight after that, her voice drifted in the air, cold but nervous.

"You almost made me lose my two best friends Inuyasha. She's dead, and you're almost killing yourself…" her watery eyes finally released the heavy hold they had on his beautiful floor and connected with his, ferocity in them like he had never seen before in Sango. "You better come back from this stupid quest."

He lost the grip on the wall and stumbled forward. Two hands pulled him up, and crushed his aching body against hers. Before he knew how his claws were tangled in Sango's clothes, sobs tearing his insides apart, as he felt the rage ebbing away to leave only the melancholic pain of his crimes against his mate, his goddess, his everything.

And after they'd both collapsed to the floor, Sango crying with him, and soothing him as she coursed her way through his silvery hair, avoiding as always the ears, Inuyasha was able to lift golden eyes from the pit of dark misery where their light had fallen and promise her something he had every intent of fulfilling.

"Sango, I'll bring her back to us. I promise you" The fire in his eyes matched hers when she asked him to return alive, to return to them. " I'll prove you she's not dead… And then I'll prove her …"

"Yasha…I…"

"No, it's okay. You were right, everyone was right when they warned me. I was so selfish about shallow superficial things, I couldn't even see what she meant to me…But I promise you, I'll change it, and she'll see... she'll see I'm worth loving."

Kagome would be back in his arms, and this time she'd not only be truly his, but she'd love him in return as she did before, aware that the love she felt was not a mistake. It was truthful and beautiful sitting in her heart, waiting for him to rescue its dignity.

_Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss  
Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand  
Before I could even start to understand_

It's only when I lose myself in someone else  
That I find myself

_Depeche Mode- Only when I lose myself_

Chino.

Review!


	4. A Question of Time

A/N: Well then here we are again! One more chapter! This one is a bit boring, at least I think so, but it's necessary to do the sequence, and the story wouldn't work if it wasn't here. I have at least two more chapter to write ( don't ask me how did it get these long, I have absolutely, no idea!) I'm enjoying myself a lot, writing this one fic, and the next chapter it's already started. **Now give me a piece of your mind!** Do you think they'll meet in the next chapter? How do you think that'll be? What do you think Inuyasha should say or do to her? What do you think Kagome should do or say to Inuyasha? Review! Don't be shy! Who knows your idea won't enrich the story? Review with your idea!

Thanks all of you that have been following this! Chino.

Disclaimer: Don't own ear-man! ( nor Depeche Mode, who I still totally love)

**IV- ****A Question of Time**

_I've got to get to you first  
Before they do  
It's just a question of time  
Before they lay their hands on you  
And make you just like the rest  
I've got to get to you first  
It's just a question of time_

_Depeche Mode- Question of Time_

One month since she'd ended up here, three weeks had passed since she'd been enjoying this simplistic life. Here in the forest where Jinenji's mother had her little house, she lived peacefully with both the old woman and her strange son.

She practiced her Kyudo, something she'd given up at such a long time ago, when she was sixteen, she also got to prepare herbs and learnt how to distinguish them with Jinenji's help. He was very kind, in spite of having a strange physical appearance, he liked to help her or simply sit back and watch her do things. Sometimes it was odd but most of the times his company was welcomed by her.

The old woman was, in the least weird. Short-tempered and ill-mannered; had once been a beautiful maiden who had fallen in love with a ba-youkai. But she'd forever blame her hanyou son, for being scurried out of the small village near the sumida, she used to live in. People couldn't, did not know how to accept such a strange little hanyou boy as he'd been, they certainly could accept him even less now.

About what had brought the petite woman there, she reflected as she bended to pluck some plants out of its roots nested in the earth, Kagome almost refused to think about it willingly. Since she'd to dream about the previous moments of her live time and time again, she couldn't move on. And each time she saw pained, abandoned golden eyes in her mind's eye, her resolve crumbled and she felt compelled to come back.

But truth be told, she was in love with him as in the beginning of it all. She may had had this idea before of leaving him, and probably this outcome, the accident and ending here with Jinenji had been fate, but she would never stop loving her inu-hanyou, and even now, right now she missed him so much that it was a feeling that crawled under her skin, seemed to ate her very insides. But, she convinced herself, that this was the right thing to do. They're both damaged people attached to each other by some bizarre addiction. But he loved Kikyo, and she'd let them be happy. Be happy, to her, was all Inuyasha ever deserved.

The winter's wind slapped her kimono against her skin, her raven tresses flew wildly too, and she hurried to prevent the effort of an afternoon – her herbs- to fly.

Jinenji Got up from his sit in the ground where he'd been watching her and smiled kindly, lifting the basket from her and leading the way, not saying a word. He wasn't a talking person, but his gestures most of the times were enough. Thus she followed him silently, more or less satisfied, as satisfied as one got when broken inside.

"Ano…Kagome-san?" he broke the silence, and that made her wonder. If the silence was ever broken, was because she asked him something, urged him to talk. What could Jinenji want to say? Despite all of those thoughts, she immediately rose her beautiful gem eyes to meet with his of a strange bulbous proportion, in sea-blue.

"Hai, Jinenji-kun?"

"Jinenji knows Kagome-san is tired of living in the country" his big bulbous eyes never once turned to her; they kept searching for the route that would take them to the small house in the forest. Kagome blushed immediately and tried to deny it. With a kind smile and shaking her head and hands her voice shook in nervousness:

"Ii-iie Jinenji-kun, that's not true…!" Jinenji didn't stop walking but kept on talking accompanying him in his giant steps.

"You see, you and Naoko-baa-san have been very kind for me and I could ask for nothing else."

"But you're still in love with our prince."

His voice never changed tone, his knowing smile never faltered, his eyes never met hers, and his hands never stopped carrying the herb basket. But Kagome, she wavered.

To her mind, came the night when after a week, and when she was sure Jinenji and his mother didn't want to hurt her and were happy just by having her there, for some change, she told them their story.

_More particularly to Jinenji who'd wanted to hear her, after the old woman had left the room to go sleep in hers (maybe pondering, if she too should have "Fled from unrequited love" all those years ago, as the Kagome told them that that was what she'd done. Those words alone, made her leave the room)._

_Anyway, Kagome had told Jinenji how she loved the one who'd hurt her because he took advantage of her for his own pleasure, for his own relief, how she meant nothing to him, how he loved another. He'd heard her through the night, had hear incidents, she'd cried in his thigh. And finally when the flames of the bonfire in the middle of the ancient room slowed and didn't lick the walls so high she asked him if she could stay._

"_Hai" he nodded, but then went back to his musings, and as she observed his strange skin tone change under the flame's magic, she decided to ask._

"_Is something wrong Jinenji-kun?" Jinenji then turn in his rags and directed her a sharp look, one she was sure no lies would pass through._

"_How much does Kagome-san knows about Youkai administration?"_

"_Uh…" her throat clogged. She knew only that __he__ had a somehow important, very, very important place in that. He was some kind of prince. She had never been interested in it, neither had he… But why would Jinenji ask? The only think she knew was … "I know there is a protocol, although I don't know it, and I know the Inu-no-Taisho is your ruler."_

"_And yet, Kagome-san doesn't seem to think that it is important to mention that the man who broke her heart, is our prince." She looked petrified at him, her eyes of a frightened grey and his eyes met hers again for some time, but he looked at the blazing embers. He knew she was surprised, but he'd heard her call his name. And his name had been specifically ordered by his father, she remembered Inuyasha once telling her as much, and now Jinenji told her as much._

"_The previous Inu no Taisho, Toga-sama, mated Izayoi-sama some time ago, and from their union came Inuyasha-sama. They died in an unfortunate situation. Toga-sama was killed by Ryukotsusei, and Izayoi-sama died afterwards in what is only normal for mates. The responsibility of taking care of the, then 5 year old, Inuyasha-ouji-sama was given to Sesshomaru-sama. These stories are known by all the youkai community. When you screamed that name it was impossible for me to remain ignorant."_

"_I'm very sorry Jinenji-kun, for not having told you. I just don't want to go back, I'm … serene here."_

_Jinenji then smiled at her quietly, gently, one of his monstrous hands, ruffled her hand slightly, and she wanted to cry for this good giant who'd, she was sure, let her stay._

"_Kagome-san can stay, but Kagome-san can't tell Okaa-san of this story. She's very afraid of the youkai law, and if she knew we're breaking it, then she'd not only throw Kagome-san out, but also she'd punish Jinenji."_

"_Domo Arigato, Jinenji-kun "She'd said to him, her grey eyes brimmed with tears of gratitude._

"_Kagome-san, can stay," he repeated , more to himself then to her, lost in his musings "but has to be careful with the orange eyed man."_

Back then, when only a week had passed from her refugee time, she didn't answer anything else; also because she was tired and truly grateful to Jinenji to even ask more questions.

But now as they walked the path to the simple but much esteemed house in the forest, which they could find between the greenery and the canopies of trees because of a single strand of smoke elevating in the air, she couldn't stop the restlessness due to his statement, she also couldn't lie to him.

"Jinenji-kun, what I feel for Inuyasha, has nothing to do with me staying here. It just feels good to be here, it's quiet and calm…"

"But you miss the city."

A sigh left her plum lips and she muttered.

"Hai." She turned to him and looked deep into her eyes "I have many curiosities Jinenji-kun."

"Expose them, then."

"Why can't I- if I don't want to be discovered, - go out alone? I doubt I would found you prince in this ward. And, who is that men that I have to hide from when he comes here? Is that the orange eyed man I have to beware of?"

Jinenji sighed and offered her a kind of pained and knowing smile that got to her heart. They're almost reaching the house, but he stopped and sat on the ground, like he'd been doing before, and she was confronted with his image, he'd been renounced, rejected, beaten, and taunted, like many other hanyou.

Oh! How she missed hers.

More than her family, more than her house, more than the city. Did they think she'd abandoned them? His eyes didn't meet with hers again.

"The orange- eyed man is Kigatsuku-san. And he is one of the workers for Sesshomaru-sama. His job consists in giving a monthly document to youkai. It's month pass, it means we've passed inspection- Zouyoshousho. To be accurate. He sends reports to Sesshomaru-sama if something is off with some youkai. Now we hanyou have to present every fortnight, or else we'll be hunted. It's no big deal, there's always a houkenikken, a house of presentation, nearby. But they don't like me to walk to the city, I attract too much attention. Therefore Kigatsuku-san usually comes here."

"Wha-What? Is Youkai law that strict?" she inquired. Never Inuyasha, or Koga, Ayame… or even Sango – that was a taijyia and should know this things- had explained this to her. She thought it was pretty damn interesting. Jinenji plucked some wisps of greenery from the ground and rolled them between his fingers. Then he plucked some more and threw them in his basket.

"Yes, but most youkai agree with it. Don't get Jinenji wrong Kagome-san, Youkai society is not a democracy, but we have had a good generation of rulers so far. The Inu clan is the only Household that could rule over us."

Jinenji smiled again, and she thought that in his unnaturally rose cheeks she saw a blush, and smiled too.

"Anyway. The last time Kigatsuku-san was here, he said that he couldn't come here, he didn't gave Jinenji an explanation, but he gave me this."

His hand buried in his tattered and wrinkled clothes and when it left them a silver necklace came into view.

"Kigatsuku-san gave this to Jinenji; he said that it would make Jinenji human for a few hours, like in the night of the almost round moon."

He extended it to her a d she grasped the accessory. It was a silver chain, heavy and thick. She didn't like it; a course of energy shocked her hand when she touched it and she let it fall to the ground.

"Jinenji is going to the city tomorrow; does Kagome-san want to come too?"

Forgetting the fallen necklace she shot to her feet and ran to him. In both her hands she held one of his much larger one.

"Arigato, Jinenji-kun." A tear fell in their hands but she smiled "Domo arigato"

* * *

_You have to prove her Inuyasha. She has to be proud of you. _

This though had become a somewhat obsession mantra in his head. Through the day, he went to college, and then came home, to the shiro since he couldn't enter in the Shibuya apartment since she had disappeared, because it still smelled like their coupling, and did his prince duties (he would spend at least two hours every day, signing papers and writing letters). But at night… he would spend his nights travelling over Tokyo and the amount of space in Honshu he could run to find her. However he was no longer rational, he never even followed the Sumida anymore. The prince just run through buildings and forest, a desperate cry forever clogging his throat, and sometimes, to the moon he howled her name, in hope she'd hear it and forgive him, and most of all, come back to him.

But these actions were starting to take a toll on him. He was always tired and even grumpier than the usual. Sesshomaru and Rin had moved to the Shiro for him not to be alone. He rarely even talked to them. Sango and Miroku were a regular visit, and to them he talked, he had made a promise to Sango, and he and Miroku were like brothers, they talked, and shared moments, like before.

No. Nothing was as before. Nothing ever would be. There was a hole in his life, he now, was calmer, he didn't snapped with them, but he was mellow and distracted, always lost in his melancholy, in moments in the past that had brought him so much joy. Whenever she had been nearby… He missed her so much; he missed cuddling in her lap and smell her pure scent more than anything. However she wasn't here and he was fading away little by little, in a silent cry for help.

Help that didn't came, because she didn't come back.

Where was she? Was she… ok? A month had passed… didn't she care? Why didn't she come back…? Was she dea…?

That was the limit for his thoughts and before he fell again in that cell of glass beneath him, in the dungeons of his own shiro.

"Inuyasha-sama, did you hear anything of what I just said?" He was suddenly pushed from his thought when the voice of his chubby panda-youkai secretary drifted to the air, a little higher than usual.

"Sorry Yukiko, could you repeat that?"

"Inuyasha-sama you seem tired, maybe I should book you the Spa…"

"No. None of that girly shit. What were you saying? What's in schedule today?"

"Well…" the chubby woman, a little older than himself, maybe in her early thirties, cleaned her throat and looked nervously at him, her thin eyes showing concern over what she'd seen on the book.

"It's nothing…sir."

Yukiko had heard the rumors about what had passed in the shiro a month ago. They're correct. But what should she do? Inuyasha hadn't said a word about it to her, of course not, she was only the secretary, but she wanted to do the right thing, and right now she had "Kagome's birthday planning" with a big cross on it, and in bold capital letters "TAKING KIKYO OUT". What would the right thing be?

"Nothing? Funny, I'm sure this day's important." He narrowed golden eyes to her and extended a tired yet firm clawed hand. Yukiko swallowed audibly and took a step back.

"Give me that Yukiko."

"But… Inuyasha-sama…"

"Damn it! Give me the book Yukiko" he growled through clenched teeth as he got up and advanced to her. His beautiful whitish silver hair stroking the air in swishes. His order was the most tranquil he could muster. And surprised, Yukiko obeyed, and gave him the book.

It was with a perplex glare, that Inuyasha horrified himself over what he found. With a choked voice he managed to ask.

"Why would you mark this thing on the same day Yukiko?"

"You…you told me to sir. You told me that Kikyo-san couldn't go out in another day, and I should cancel everything I had for this day. Anything at all."

Grasping it so tight, Inuyasha was afraid he would rupture the leather cover of his agenda, he read it again. Collapsing in a velvet chaise longue, he was awestruck.

"Get out" _because I need to cry._

"Do you need anyth…"

"Get the fuck out!"_Do it quickly, I can't hold it in much longer._

She ran to the door, stumbling in a red carpet and closing the oak doors audibly. He paid attention to none of it. A tear fell from his tired eyes and he choked on a sob. Curling in the chaise longue his whole spirit paralyzed in that book.

_I did it over and over again didn't I Kagome? How can I ask you to forgive me?_

Absolution would never be granted. He wouldn't dare asking for it.

But he loved her so much. Now that she wasn't here, he lived their time together over and over again in his mind, and fell in love with her every time he remembered, how kind, how generous, how genuine she'd been over the time they'd get to know each other. And then how passionate, how devoted and desperate she'd been to receive his touch to lick his anguishes away, to simply hold him, to share his pain, to make him forget it. To love him.

She was the most amazing woman in the world.

And he'd forsaken her, when she could have anyone else in the world. His possessiveness rose when he remembered how many times Koga the ookami no ouji had tried to steal her for him. But she had always refused his advances with a kind smile and eventually she returned to his bed, to his arms, her lips would return to his. She could've anyone at her feet; instead she'd choose to heal his wounded heart, injuring herself in the process of doing so.

Getting up quickly and walking to his desk he removed from a drawer, the tattered wife beater she'd worn that last night and which he had ripped, that Miroku had saved when he'd gone to his apartment two weeks ago.

He smothered his air passage with it, as if it was a filter and turned his whole world in her, as he closed his eyes, sat back and relished in her scent permeating him.

A knock on the door shook him from his misery and he immediately ordered to enter, reestablishing the ragged piece of clothing to the drawer and turning amber orbs to the door.

Any information about her whereabouts could come, at anytime of the day. He'd to be always available; therefore he cleaned his tears with his sleeve and took a deep breath, his amber pained eyes focusing on the door. Who knew if it wouldn't be someone with news that would make him jubilate?

A man with orange eyes and dark hair that came to his shoulders finally entered and bowed deeply from the waist, waiting for his acknowledgement.

This was Kigatsuku, an owl youkai who worked with Sesshomaru for as long as he could remember. Head of one of the most important houken ikken in all of Tokyo, Kigatsuku was in charge of surveying a certain area and granting the most… difficult Zouyoshousho. Like in Jinenji's case, the ba-hanyou would attract too much attention if he directed himself to the city. Therefore he'd been assigned an hour and a day, and every week Kigatsuku himself, would go to the small house the hanyou protection had given to him. And his mother after they'd been scurried out of the small village they used to live in.

What could Kigatsuku want?

"Kigatsuku, what are you doing here?"

"Inuyasha-sama" the man that appeared to be in his mid-thirties but who Inuyasha was sure was maybe in his mid two-hundred or something like that was one of Sesshomaru's best men, he had served their house for many years and was one of the most trustful subordinates they had. Weary orange owl-like eyes fixated on his golden ones and he started to explain "My lord, the militia gave me indication that there is a panther menace in my ward."

Inuyasha's eyebrow's downed dramatically over his eyes. A panther threat? Right when Sesshomaru wasn't here? And especially when his own mind wasn't here either? It was somewhere he didn't know with her, faraway, a runway…

"How do they know?"

"There has been a secret cell working in Okinawa for some them now, the militia has been keeping tabs on them without their knowledge. We found out they are preparing a rebellion starting in Ōta to then expand to all of Tokyo."

Golden eyes narrowed and he looked through the grand windows on the castle's cold walls.

"We have to prepare a counter attack then. Call some military forces to meet you at the ikken."

Kigatsuku swallowed and advanced, Inuyasha offered with an extended hand the chair in front of him. With a drained expression Kigatsuku accepted and faced him very stern demeanor.

"Inuyasha-sama, most of our special forces, are focused on the searches for Kagome-sama…"

Inuyasha's eyes immediately hardened on the owl man in front of him. What should he do? His heart his very interior didn't consent that he'd stop searching for her, that was like admitting defeat, and he'd never be ready to do that… But he had to do something about the panther menace… The youkai community was under Sesshomaru's power, and he was now replacing Sesshomaru for as long as he was in Kyushu.

"Call the closest, my brother is in Kyushu and he should be warned, tell someone to deliver the message… no, wait. I'll do it. Just send half of the search team to Ota and the other half will keep searching. The panther clan has decreased over the years, and they don't have half as many members as they had." His claws thundered in the hard surface of his wood desk. His eyes in synchrony with his mind, because right now, this was serious and they had to focus.

"Shouldn't we arrest the ones that we already know are planning this? Toran, Shunran and Karan have been the leading ones, they've been in the past and they're now…"

Inuyasha was left to thought for some seconds.

"I don't think so. Arresting them without them doing anything will only serve to stir their clan and others that will think we're being unfair. Order them to follow the rebellion since their hide-out and when they come to Ota and start the insurrection, arrest them all."

Kigatsuku's eyes brightened at his young lord's wisdom and cold head, something he'd never witnessed coming from Inuyasha-sama, he was very young for a youkai, barely twenty years old, merely a pup, but he'd learnt well with Sesshomaru-sama who was indeed the best heir for politics. He assented and waited for dismissal that would come in a short nod from the inu-hanyou who was now currently mused and enthralled in his thoughts. After he got up and when he was reaching the door however, there was a hesitation, and Kigatsuku stopped. His shoulder-length midnight hair whipping with the force of the movement as he turned and addressed his lord.

"Inuyasha-sama?"

Inuyasha got out of his daze and looked at him expectantly, as if to ask why he was still there.

"Jinenji will be coming to the city tomorrow; I gave him a magic infused medallion. I have to be there, can't forsake my place there, Kami knows that those cadets, barely out of the military school, don't know how to do a thing without orders. I fear however that his security will be threatened."

They knew how Jinenji affected Inuyasha. He was also a hanyou; he mirrored the situations Inuyasha, throughout his infancy, had suffered, except he still suffered them. He unlike Inuyasha, hadn't proved his power to anyone, _he had no power._ And the attack to a hanyou now could prove to be as prejudicial as the panther threat.

"I'll assure everything will be fine with Jinenji" The dog-eared man offered in a monotonous voice.

Kigatsuku assented and got out, thinking just how he was going to do it.

Inside the office Inuyasha grabbed his cell phone and called Sesshomaru.

It took at least five rings for his older brother to pick up his cell phone. And when he did, he didn't sound pleased at all:

"_What?"_

"_Keh, what are you pissed about? You're on holidays!"_

"_Listen baka, I've told you before I'm not on holydays! I'm doing diplomacy, which is your work, except you don't want to get out of Honshu." _A pregnant pause followed as Inuyasha tried to erase his statement from his mind. Of course not, how could he do it if he had to stay here when she was found…? She was going to be found… by him or by some other forces, she was going to be found, and she'd come back. Swallowing hard he ignored that comment and went on.

"_Not too bad you have to come back then."_

"_Why is that?"_

"_We have a situation. Ota ward is under the threat of a panther insurrection."_

"_I see" _He said after being quiet for a while _"have you done what has to be done already?"_

"_Yeah... I called half of the forces here to stop them… the other half is still on the search team."_

"_Inuyasha…"_

"_Don't start ok? I've told you before Sesshomaru, she fucking alive!" _The frustration of a month slamming down, with his hand on the wooden desk and it splintered under the force of his anguish. He took in a harsh breath and drew it back out in a choked plea for help. Help that still wouldn't come because she wasn't there. She wasn't with him.

"_Look, if you really believe that, then start searching for her because as long as the panther threat is hanging over our heads… You don't understand… you weren't born yet but there has no limits to their revenge. They'll take everything from you…I'm glad I have Rin with me…"_

"_What are you saying?"_

"_If you believe she's still alive, then I believe it too. Maybe you're right, maybe if she was indeed dead, maybe you'd still dead too, but is she is… pray to the Kami that you'll find her first"_

He swallowed hard in acceptance of his advice and closed his eyes, his head falling in the supportive hand that was balanced in the splintered wood of the desk.

"Understood."

The signal went out.

Inuyasha looked in a daze to the carpet under his tabi clad feet. How had things gotten even more difficult?

Still he couldn't, wouldn't let those panther get their mangy paws on Kagome. Too many people had abandoned him, to many times. He wouldn't them. Even if they didn't harm her, he knew panthers, even if Sesshomaru thought he didn't, he knew, they'd make her hate him if she didn't yet. They'd a way of getting into people's mind, to twist thought and feelings into dark monsters…He'd never let that happen to Kagome, they wouldn't even get to touch her.

He'd get to her first.


	5. Tick tack

Tic-tack

* * *

The following day had born stunning. Although it was winter, the sun shone in the sky offering no heat but the heat one gets to know their day is brightened by the Kami. The birds, and small animals, and all of life in the forest chirped happily around the small house that belonged to Jinenji-kun and Naoko-baa-san.

She woke up as always, nestled in the futon, her first thought of the day, and for the rest of her life: Inuyasha.

As her eyes blinked the sleepiness that may have lingered from her eight hour sleep she analyzed the clock in the wall.

**Tick-tack**

The noise had always been a nuisance, but she was guest who didn't knew her future, thus she wouldn't impose her will to anyone there, she too chokes on gratitude to even think to so. Nevertheless it annoyed her and hung over her, always, as if it was a bad omen, constantly tickling her with the knowledge that the simplistic life she was living couldn't, wouldn't last forever.

**Tick-tack**

Her dainty feet found the zori sandals Naoko-baa-san had lent her, and she got up. It was nine o' clock and she was sure by now both she and her son were already awake for quite some time now. She thought it was very kind of them not to wake her, but then again it made her feel bad that they let her sleep in, after all she was a guest… But her body was always strained lately as if something was pulling her… Anyway, it was a stupid notion.

Dressed in a cotton yukata, she felt the cold licking her bare legs and forearms and reached for her kimono, neatly folded next to her pillow. Quickly dressing it over the yukata, and knotting a fast obi at her waist she dragged her sleepy feet away from the house, outside.

Naoko-baa-san and Jinenji-kun were waiting peacefully for her. The old woman that seemed older by the day, as wrinkles carved her age deeper and deeper by the second, was smoking a quiet pipe, her lips puckering to blow small rings of a white polluting fog. She sat in a boulder near a tree, and absentmindedly stared at the bright sky above her long nose. Jinenji-kun seemed a little anxious, and twirled in his, sweaty and pink colored hands, the silver chain that had been given to him by the orange eyes man, who he had, the previous day, called Kigatsuku.

In his bulbous eyes laid a thread of slight unhappiness and nervousness that should have startled her, but it didn't. She was too happy to go out, and her happiness consumes her. As much as she liked the country, there was still a big part of her, her origins, that connected her to the city, and she couldn't forget who she was, as much as she'd like to do so.

She'd like, however, to ask Jinenji something.

Warm blue eyes that rivaled the striking sky, caught his edgy orbs in a darker color, and she got closer, bowing to Naoko-baa-san in a quick "Ohayo gozaimasou Naoko-baa-san", and finally settled in front of Jinenji-kun.

"Ohayo, Jinenji-kun"

His cheeks once again, seemed to her, flushed by a blush when he answered her a good morning, in the same way, but she didn't pay attention to that as her smile widened, warm and loving and she asked:

"What time are we leaving? I'd like to take a bath"

Jinenji replied shyly that he was thinking about leaving around ten o'clock, but that he could wait for Kagome-san, of course. He wouldn't mind. He wasn't so anxious with going either.

Kagome furrowed her brows and ignored baa-san, as she urged him to start walking in the direction of the house silently, but with that worried frown of concern marring her features, Jinenji-kun complied silently, accompanying her.

"At ten is fine for me, but… are you upset Jinenji-kun?"

Jinenji kept his mouth locked until they reached the door, and after they entered he uttered a great sigh, his shoulder slumped and his gaze fell in the chain. Then very slowly he lowered it over his head, and his whole appearance changed and he looked more with Naoko-baa-san than ever.

For a moment, Kagome was taken aback, not with how much he looked like his Okaa-san, nor with the change _per se_, but with the clear reminder of the nights of the new moon, with her lover under the lonely stars, or in his bedroom, darkness seeping in, as he let her see him change.

Black would tint the powdered silver she loved, something between amethyst and grey would replace the liquid gold in his eyes. The ears she loved, the ears that had first summoned her attention, to the man who she'd helplessly fallen in love with, would lower to the sides of his head, and his loved claws that always made her shiver and tingle all over would shrink to regular human nails.

He was always gentler those nights, but she didn't love him more because of that. The Inuyasha she loved was still in there, he just needed more reassurance those nights, and she as always offered it to him at the price of nothing. However she had never forgotten that the Inuyasha she loved was _hanyou. _This was who she loved- both youkai and ningen. In these nights he also would like to hear her say how much she loved him. Ningen Inuyasha would often ask for her to say it.

Her eyes refocused when Jinenji, with his now nimble but still male hand, waved her out of the trance she had been, lost in memories. What good did memories do? They were nothing but past. Moments meant nothing if she wasn't there anymore.

"I'm sorry Jinenji-kun. What were you saying?"

"I …I asked Kagome-san if it looks… weird?"

Kagome again smiled. Talking to Jinenji-kun was like talking to a child and teaching him not to be afraid of himself, of the world. It was hard.

"No Jinenji-kun. It looks… different."Then reconsidering her choice of words "different… but okay."

Jinenji smiled for a second then he faltered and looked at his own hands, long hair that he used to wear in a topknot toppled over his shoulder to meet his weak chest. He was almost as tall as he'd been before, but he was so much thinner. His cheekbones the only thing enhanced in his face besides his big nose. His eyes were the big change, so much smaller and now a dark brown.

"It feels weird." He muttered, looking displeased, poignant.

She smiled again, in kindness and approached him, her small thin and white hand, touching his ragged garmented shoulder that went at least a head higher than her.

"It's really ok Jinenji-kun. You don't have to worry, it's still you on the inside" she assured gently; he smiled too, and hurried her to her bath.

After that they'd hurry up to the city and Kagome would be displeased with the happenings that would follow

**Tick-Tack**

* * *

Inuyasha looked worried at Kigatsuku, then to his watch.

"Wagakimi, you seem worried, is everything alright?"

_No. All my fucking life is a wreck and you're asking me that? _

He ignored the owl-youkai and tried to focus his mind in what he was going to do.

But he just couldn't focus his heart, who kept cursing him for not searching for his beloved, instead of being here.

He actually liked doing the military, in spite of hating doing the political part of the job. But right now he felt vulnerable, weak as if at any time now, someone could burst through that damn shoji door and affirm they had found her dead body.

A shuddering sigh left him, with a little of his force.

In fact he was here today mostly with the function of protecting Jinenji, he trusted Kigatsuku and he was sure that as soon as the panther entered the city and he was informed of it he'd do anything that he was suppose to do, therefore he was now waiting for Jinenji to arrive, and for Kigatsuku to give him his special Zouyoshousho, to then escort him home.

Kigatsuku was more agitated than him though. How could this be so? But he was. He'd walk the entire room, arms behind his back and hands linked, his eyes darting back and forward to then fall symbolically over a cell phone atop his desk.

Inuyasha inwardly scoffed at his antics and got closer to the much older man.

"Shouldn't Jinenji be here already?"

As if waking, he jumped, and tried to recover, from the already profundity of his mind, what Inuyasha had just said. Taking a deep breath and exhaling it in a heavy sigh he averted his eyes in a gesture of insouciance that was allowed to him because he was a loyal servant.

"Jinenji promised to be here at one thirty my lord." His voice distracted, as his gaze again fell in the Motorola, atop all of his papers that rested in the wooden desk. He looked on the verge of melt down.

"Un" nonchalance met nonchalance at Inuyasha clearly non elusive commentary, and they both stayed quiet for some time.

Then Kigatsuku sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose and Inuyasha snapped.

Twirling briskly to the man, now seated in the chair behind the desk, his eyes burning coals on his he asked furious, anger seeping into his words. He was seething.

"What in the damn world could be so fucking sad that you're all sighs all of a sudden?" narrowing eyes cut him the response he was going to give to the young prince, and he lowered his head. "I've lost my fucking everything, and I'm still here, ain't I? I have a duty and I'm not complaining about it! And I should be looking for her, not here hearing to you sigh!"

Kigatsuku wasn't fast to recompose himself. Instead he stuttered and gaped like a dead fish surprised at his lord's snapping. Quickly remembering that he was beneath him in rank Kigatsuku hurried then to make his apologies.

"Sumimasen, Inuyasha-sama." He gulped and explained "It is that our contact person should've called me some time ago…

Inuyasha seemed to ponder it, and ultimately consider it a true motive for worried sighs. He looked at his subordinate warily and gave him his back for a second, facing the window that showed busy Ota.

"I see. Well, tell me about it. What were the plans?"

"My lord, Sanman-san was supposed to call me as soon as the panther left the lair. Its one fifteen, the panthers were supposed to leave at twelve thirty. He has been there since yesterday. I talked to him last night, but today in the morning he was very quick, and then afterwards… he hasn't answered ever since."

Inuyasha growled. Why in the hell did everything always go wrong?

"Give me that phone!"

After punching the green button to dial the last dialed number and pressing it again, he waited as he received no answer from the other side.

"Shit. They could already be here. How can you let something like this happen?" Inuyasha slammed the device in the table, proceeding to smash it under the brute strength of his hands. Seeming momentarily edgy the hanyou shook his head and avoided Kigatsuku's eyes, as he mused over an answer.

"Forget it," he mumbled absentmindedly, pacing the floor "it's not your fault."

"Inuyash…"

"Summon the troops and tell them to meet me here in half an hour."

"Jinenji-kun thank you so much for the lunch, it was fabulous!"

* * *

All of the young woman was bubbling, blubbering bliss. Her eyes shone as they travelled from shop to shop, from restaurant to restaurant, as she watched grimaces, smiles, long faces and distracted faces. She had missed the buzz of the city, the clamor of the engines rumbling through her, getting out in her fingers and toe in quakes.

The man who walked besides her smiled kindly, lost in a world of illusion. If he was human, would Kagome-san have him? Would they be able to live a life like this? Peacefully walking together, besides each other, holding each other as they fell?

No. He himself knew it was an illusion. But he had grown to love her in that month, and he lived for these moments now.

It was one and precisely seventeen minutes, as they neared the houken ikken after lunching in a small but cozy and delicious restaurant some blocks away, and after having Kagome-san visiting shops and analyzing clothes, after she watched museums and crowded streets. They made him jittery, chary, too many people, and they all seemed to stare at him. Despite that, with Kagome-san everything seemed possible, as if she was a shot of immediate courage through his veins.

She wore the same clothes she was wearing the day of the accident, now washed and cleaned, high boots, a black skirt and a men's shirt. He guessed it had belonged to… _him_, but she didn't mention it, and neither did he. Of course not. He was living an idyllic chimera, walking side by side with her on the street, Jinenji refused to ruin it. A heavy black coat that belonged to himself, adorned her whole outfit, and curvaceous body, protecting her.

His efforts however wouldn't spare them of trouble.

As they got near and near the houken ikken, which Kagome could see, a mirrored building, all in glass, and very tall longing for the sky, just some feet away, the deserting woman fell an ominous presence falling over her head, making her brows furrow in a tension frown, her lips fell and she looked at Jinenji, suddenly, paralyzed in that spot by the alarm she felt in her stomach, knotting, playing…

"Kagome-san…?"

"It's… okay." The building was merely some feet away, and she knew he needed the Zouyoshousho, or the orange eyed man would come looking for him. For Jinenji's sake, she had to be strong at least once in her life. Jinenji needed this, and she knew he wanted her there with him.

Finally when she'd been able to convince herself that this presence was nothing but fear in her head (why, she didn't understand), she raised her eyes to meet Jinenji's dark, now small, orbs and he faced her with a smile.

"Kagome-san has a strong reiki, and the building is infused with youki, and youkai magic. Maybe it's better if Kagome-san stays here, and waits until Jinenji's return. Jinenji won't be long."

She was too weak to say no, and he had explained it rationally. Yes she'd stay here, and wait for him. A warm smile tugging her lips, and consequently his. He could go on. She'd be here when he got back, she assured. He seemed for a moment displeased, then offered her his usual collected and quiet smile and he went on. For as long as she could, Kagome followed.

Then when she could see a thin shield of magic involving the building she was unable to keep going, her head was dizzy, and her eyes blurred, and she said a faint "Ja ne, Jinenji-kun" as she watched him disappear through that barrier

Wearily she leaned against a building some feet away from it and clutched Jinenji's coat to her nimble body. She was visibly thinner since her landing in the rural life, and although she hadn't starved, she recognized it in the bony appearance of her hand, her face had sunk. She had the appearance of a sick person, then again… wasn't she?

The ba-hanyou, temporarily ningen, was wary of leaving her there, so alone and unprotected. But it was necessary for him to go get his Zouyoshousho, he couldn't avoid it, and he wouldn't bring her in there either in a building full of youkai. Youkai that were eying him from the corner of the eye, of course that the chain didn't change his aura nor his scent like it happened in the almost full moon naturally. Hanyou's were not youkai society favorite members, except for Inuyasha-no-ouji, who was respected by most of it. But he remembered he had a powerful woman outside, beautiful, kind waiting for him outside.

Inuyasha-no-ouji was never here. But there was a lot of youkai in the establishment and she was wanted. He couldn't let her in there knowing they probably all had a photo of her memorized. Jinenji didn't really want to keep something that belonged to his lord. No, he wanted to keep Kagome, sweet kind loving gentle Kagome who had treated him even better than Okaa-san did, and she had been the only human ever that had been nice to him.

Eyes on the ground he followed a path he had done some times already, directly to Kigatsuku-sama's office, path which was never questioned by anybody, thus making him assume that the owl-youkai warned people that he'd coming that day. Also, that'd be a good explanation to why people seemed to be so aware of him- not all demons had such a strong sense of smell, or could feel reiki and youki as well.

Blowing a weary sigh as dragged his feet on the stairs, wary of the amount of people that'd be accompanying him in a possible elevator ride, Jinenji's thoughts flew back to Kagome-san and Inuyasha-ouji-sama.

It was his duty to report to Inuyasha-sama and tell him had found Kagome. He was by no means dumb, and he'd heard youkai talk- a lot of them came to the forest to purchase medicinal herbs- they said Inuyasha-sama had gone on a rampage when he knew she was gone. Most of them had heard it from the servants of the shiro who knew little already, and Jinenji knew Inuyasha-sama. He knew he'd send search teams after her, never believing her dead, as he was sure, that in the end of a month, her friends believed her. By now they should've found her car in the Sumida.

But then why not tell his prince all he knew? That she was well, healthy, strong, just… broken inside?

Because of that.

Kagome-san had told him how he'd hurt her, taken advantage of her. How could he hand her to him, when she'd been the only human to treat in kindly, besides Okaa-san? He just couldn't do it. Even if he had to suffer the consequences. Yes, because he was sure Kagome-san would come back to her charming prince- She still loved him. When he heard her sob through the night he was painstakingly, sorrowfully aware of it. But for now Kagome-san was safe, with him, where she would be treated as a princess, when where she in fact was it, she was treated like dirt.

As he came face to face with the metal doors of Kigatsuku-san's office doors, his throat coiled, and a delusional pinch almost made his now human figure double over. An ominous presence loomed over that day's fate. Gulping down his rising anxiety he knocked on the door.

The hollow sound reverberated in his mind, and for some still seconds, all Jinenji could hear were those steady beats as if it was a heartbeat. Then it stopped and the door was opened.

At first he didn't get it. When he entered, Kigatsuku-san was sitting in the desk directly in front of the door, and didn't even seem to notice his arrival, he was too engrossed with whichever call he was making. Then his eyes fell on the entity that'd entered the door, and he almost stepped back.

Hardened sun kissed eyes closed on him, and the second higher person in youkai society raised a brow expectantly, as the door closed itself behind the ba-hanyou turned ningen.

He was so surprised with his prince's presence that he'd forgotten to bow. Doing so, low, as lower as one gets without prostrating oneself. That bow was reserved only for strangers, and he had known Inuyasha-sama for a very long time.

"Keh. Raise baka." He asserted turning his back on him and throwing his visibly exhausted body towards an armchair that creaked under the sheer intensity of tat movement of a numb body. Then lifting rigid eyes to him, he asked a question, in a voice that too Jinenji seemed somehow more mature and adult.

"How's life treating you Jinenji?"

"Not so bad o-ouji-sama"

_I know what Inuyasha-sama once threw away._

"And you O-ouji-sama, if O-ouji-sama doesn't mind Jinenji's asking?"

A shallow, hollow and empty of humor bitter laugh filled the crispy autumn afternoon.

"Not so good…" his eyes turned aside suddenly lost in concentration… "Not so good" he murmured again to himself, very slowly, no expecting an answer.

Inuyasha-sama looked paler and thinner, but he also looked tougher and hardened inside. He was the image of a very austere man, severity glowing in his glare, in his lips, all of him exuded sternness.

"Inuyasha-sama, the troops have been summoned."

"Where are they?"Inuyasha turned briskly to his subordinate. Jinenji watched.

"In the other side of Ota" Kigatsuku replied diffidently. Was that fear in Kigatsuku-san's eyes? He was older than Inuyasha-sama, and he'd seen them together before, they seemed to have peaceful, based o equality, relation…weird, that was.

"Jinenji you can have your Zouyoshousho" Inuyasha assured, one elbow propped on the arm support of his chair, not facing any of them. Jinenji bowed in acknowledgement, but the prince wasn't finished yet. "However, complications have surged. There's a panther threat on Ota today. You can't leave the building"

Reflexively Jinenji's right foot went behind him and he almost tripped on is alarmed state. Inuyasha noted his demeanor with nonchalance.

"B-But O-ouji-sama… Okaa-san is waiting for Jinenji…and…"

"I came here today to guard you on your path home."

Inuyasha explained, eyes on his, and Jinenji felt like he was searching for a truth that would soon be discovered… It was all crumbling. He actually felt like the building had started rocking and heavily distorted rocks and stones had begin to disintegrate from the main building and were to fall on him. This lie couldn't continue it. Especially not when Kagome-san was out there alone in a panther threatened place. Alone… Damn it! He didn't have a great sense of scent, but even _he _could smell O-ouji-sama in Kagome-san.

Snow began its unearthly descent to the ground, except they didn't see it. Not when all the air was sucked off the room with Jinenji's next actions. Very slowly, his now turned human hand sought his most treasured possession, since she had given it to him, in his pockets.

"Inuyasha-sama" this was the most informal form of addressing a _peasant_ so to say, could you to speak to him. Jinenji had never worn it. Finally from his too large hot thick jacket; Jinenji removed a plastic bag, sealed. Then opening it, always avoiding the royal golden eyes of Inuyasha, he took off the handkerchief that Kagome-san had patched for him. He'd had the caution to seal it in a plastic bag to escape Inuyasha-sama's keen nose. And because he rarely took it out of his sight.

Now he exposed it to his lords, whose eyes turned to big saucers and that searched for support in the chair again. Pain and surprise stricken eyes found Jinenji's and he uttered a soft word.

"Where?"

Jinenji sighed and turned his face. Turned his face on the promise he'd made to Kagome-san of never telling, of letting her stay, and to his chimerically future.

"Outside" A whisper. In spite of his sadness in doing so, when Jinenji's now warm deep brown looked at Inuyasha-sama's golden ones, he truly comprehended the way Inuyasha-no-ouji-sama clung to every breath he took as if in the next one it was possible for him to find his motive to exist. He understood then, that no pain could be vaster than his. That no love could be greater than his.

He was on fire as if an itch had spread through his skin expanse and he had had the maniac urge to scratch but couldn't, because of his claws. He looked mad, his eyes darkened and his body trembling.

"At the end of the protective shield. She couldn't enter." He whispered.

He knew somewhere deep in his mind, he knew he was going to be punished. He knew it, but at that moment, he didn't care.

There were only two things in his mind. That what he'd predicted was happening, at last, putting a short end to his joyful week. And that maybe, just maybe he'd see the thing he'd always wanted to see, since a week ago… Maybe she'd smile now. He thoroughly hoped he wasn't doing a mistake, that he wasn't submitting Kagome-san to misery.

* * *

A scream tried to be torn from his lips, but it came out as a quiet ask for help, muffled and choked by his need to see her, to touch her, to make sure she was alright. Never had he felt the eminence of the possibility of her death, as strongly as he was feeling now that he knew she was alive.

His feet almost didn't touch the ground. All he could think was that he had to dash through six floors. And that she needed him, he was sure, she needed him. And he knew because inside him something pulsed thrummed, awoke. A mating call? How strong their bond was! They weren't even bonded physically yet, and in spite of that their souls were still linked in a strange mingling of anguish, agony and love…

Trusting any and every thing he found in his way to connect with the walls with such strength that maybe he had made some dents and broken some bones, he ignored every malicious thought that tried to take hold of his head, of his body. No, she was alive, and she needed him. And he loved her so… He needed her too; he couldn't ever live without her. Never again, no, Never, ever, again!

Finally coming out of the emergency stairs that had made possible that his arrival had been quicker than any elevator, he almost fell, almost tumbled over a dozen of people who also wanted to get in the elevator which had just arrival at the ground floor. But he couldn't wait and his leap over that group was amazing, spectacular, in the landing that he'd known it was going to be difficult, his face was planted on the ground with a large thump. But he didn't ever stop. If he stopped then Jinenji maybe wouldn't have said it, it would all be dream, no _maybes! _He was **sure** of it!

Doors of cold metal were thrown apart by his sheer viciousness and hit the glass walls, with an extremely noisy and ugly shattering, glass shards adorned the cement ground as he crushed them even more, to the point of dust, disorientated without knowing where to go.

Feeling Tetsusaiga at his side as a way of comfort, the hanyou prince closed his eyes in the single only moment he'd allow himself of quietness as he searched inside himself for his instincts to lead him, taking him to her. As if it was a spark a sudden _awareness _pulled him to the right.

It wouldn't take much to get to the end of the protective shield, and somewhere in Ota he could hear the thrumming of soldier feet, lined up and ready to battle at his side, what meant that half an hour had surely past, what meant she'd been here for all this time... Alone and unprotected

But this was his fight, his woman, his honor…_his self-forgiveness._

Would he get to her on time? And what should he say to her, then? _Hey I suddenly and finally realized I love and that you're my one true mate. I'm sorry for using you mistreating you and making you suffer?_

How would she believe in something he'd never acted on? How was she supposed to still love him after he'd broken her?

Again those thoughts fluttered out of his mouths as a cry of possession tore his doubts apart. That didn't matter now. Thick desperation grabbed him with ferocity as he sped up, and drew the salvation yearning blade from its scabbard. All that mattered was getting to her in time.

Would he?

**Tic-tack**

* * *

Well no Depeche Mode this time. I honestly hated this chapter but it had to exist and I had to get it out of my way and my system. So yeah, here it is. I won't update for some time because I have two tests next week, and one of them its _history_ which is great- but my teacher is like the most strict and methodical person ever, she's like always "I've told you before, if you don't use your Marxist concepts well, if you don't articulate them with proletarian work conditions, then it's not right…" bla bla bla bla.

Aff

Writing this chapter has been though but I'm doing an effort to not abandon this fic like I do with all my other ones. So please give me suggestion and reviews if you want to see it move forward. By the way, thank you to all of you who've read and reviewed, or just read, thanks so, so much guys.

The next chapter is already initiated (27 words already, yay!)

-Chino


	6. Collateral

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and the Inu-taichi don't belong to me. They belong to the mangaka, Takahashi Rumiko. I own only Kigatsuku.

A/N: well one more chapter, heh? I see that you quite enjoyed the last one. Well, I'll tell you this. This chapter was the one I had the most fun writing. Not that it's funny. Not at all.  
I thought I was going to and it sooner, but yesterday I went to a concert and got drunk in both buzz and alcohol and well, I couldn't quite finish it in that state. Anyways, I think this will surprise you. It surprised me!

**Collateral **

_I'll never be a saint  
That's not a picture  
That your memory paints  
Not renowned for my patience  
I'm not renowned for my restraint_

_Depeche Mode- The sinner in me_

Warnings: Dark, Gore and Angst.

Ten minutes passed since Jinenji had gotten in. Kagome fiddled with her skirt's hem, apprehensively.

It wasn't just hat protective barrier that was messing with her precious reiki. No. It was something more, something from inside was pulling her in. And the more she wanted to go after Jinenji into the depths of the crimson shield, the more she wanted to get back, and retract, almost with a painful will to retch, and heave her stomach's content out, the pressure in her aura was almost excruciating.

Coiling in the wall where she'd chosen to wait for Jinenji, the brunette beauty admired the view from across the street where a café stood very shy and almost hidden in structure, and then as if to affirm it's presence perforated by an all-wall window where people could be seen talking languorously, they almost seemed to move in slow motion. Or was it she? Was _she_ slowing? A big truck crossed the road with impious velocity and it shook her out of her musings.

Holding Jinenji's-kun protective dark jacket over Inuyasha's cold shirt she repressed a melancholic sigh and leaned against the wall, leisurely passing her own nimble fingers through her own hair to disentangle it, since it had flown everywhere with the truck's rush, prepared to see those same lazy people lounging in the café.

However when she once again looked at the source of her curiosity she was overwhelmed by surprise when the auras surrounding those same lazy persons threw colorful, big shadows in the walls, ceiling, the street, as if in an ocean of warmth and coldness, different scents, different musing- all converging in its own color. She shook her head and closed her eyes harshly, pinching the bridge of her nose. When she opened them it was worse, the shadows crisped around the figures ,much smaller than the colorful shades, they moved restlessly as if searching, contrasting in perfection with its own figure.

Somehow she knew each one of them, which sat there, had one. She didn't knew how but somehow she even knew details if she found herself focusing on the swirl of colors. One was anxious, other was tired… They all seemed edgy and it made her wonder: seeing the yellow of the second guy in the counter change to orange as if someone had just lit a match, and the pink shadow that was strangely shaped like a dog, or a wolf, of the redheaded waitress turned duller. Was she nuts? Had she finally gone hoo-hoo?

She had never been to Ota, and now as if in a revelation, all the buildings, even the cheerful shops where she and Jinenji had gone after lunch, even that small restaurant, they now seemed oppressive along with all the other structures, the other houses and edifices, if they're closing on her all with that same powerful feeling that tried to crush her and that came from the houkenikken.

Auras? Youkai auras, nonetheless! How was it that she was suddenly able to feel them, their inner turmoil, and deeper feelings? It was as if she had an open window in her chest and all that unexpected information was entering. It was unbearable.

She forgot everything – and ran.

Kagome didn't know this ward, she didn't know the streets (Jinenji-kun had been guiding her). What she indeed knew was that she wanted to get away from this oppressive buildings and youki that were trying to get inside her, fill her, and make her explode. Why was she receiving them all of a sudden? She'd always been sensitive to races, and feelings. But she had never actually seen them; she had never actually been sure that what she through she felt was real, because she could see them. She had seen the passionate rose in the café… the contempt and relaxing green of a child walking around her parent's seats.

She didn't understand it, and she didn't want to be overwhelmed like she was sure she was going to be as soon as she got closer or if she stayed just a minute longer.

How, she didn't know but it was as if her mind had been manipulated and she found herself in an empty small street with its exit covered in bricks. A dead end.

However in the back of her mind there was something that stimulated her to continue, the urge almost made her feet move again, absentmindedly, a little too lost in all of this, she wondered if she was indeed being manipulated and if that power was entering through the same window that had opened.

Too late to think now. Two dark tinged auras appeared from the shadows. One in front of her, maybe three feet away, the other was in the entry of the thin street, maybe eight feet away. She considered running, but there was no escape, and when the owner of the dark soul in front of her walked closer, and out of the shadows, the first thing she noticed was a cruel mannerism, stretching her thin villainess lips.

Then she stepped completely out of the dark and a Kagome was confronted with a woman, thinner and taller than she, wearing a lavender dress to her feet, blue hair swirling around her form, the cruel malicious smile never vanished. She also felt the presence behind her step closer and then, the scared woman was surprised by a long bow from the blue-haired demoness.

When she got up she smiled and came even closer.

"Hime no miko" Kagome frowned and gave a step to the right to try and run from these two so much oppressive feeling, it was black perforating white and she was beginning to feel nauseous. Not to mention the voice that had murmured the way to the dead end in the back of her mind was just like blue-haired woman's. Her tormenter pretended she hadn't noticed how confuse Kagome was and continued talking. "I am Toran, and this is my sister Shunran. We are panthers my lady and we are ever so pleased to make your acquaintance."

The voice was smooth and soft, very determined though. This Toran person seemed very aware of what she was doing, and the fact the she was playing with it, and with her emotions, was pissing her off.

"A pleasure O-hime-sama." The other greeted from behind, making her twirl without thinking to face her. She had brown coppery long hair, a white daisy behind her ear, and a dull green sweatshirt and shorts. She was smaller and less powerful than Toran.

"We would like to ask you to accompany us…"

"Whe-where?" she stuttered, with another wave of power trying to invade hers. This time it was Shunran's power forcing her window.

An easy smile crept up the daisy adorned panther, and she walked slower.

"Why do you ask O-hime-sama? Are you afraid?" her voice seemed to sound hazier… that didn't make sense but it was as if it was splitting in two and she could hear both her voices but not what she was saying, although she did understand it. How confuse was that?

"Why do you keep calling me that?" she forced through her aching lungs, head, body, her strength was weakening, and her knees gave way... Strong clawed hands hauled her up, burying cold like ice talons in her sides, as the cold tricked down her sides, the color seemed eerily duller, and the voices, as if she could see them, in a crazy _sfumato_ effect. Indeed surreal she tried however to focus on what was happening around her.

Toran's amused sarcastic voice interrupted her haze, also split in two and confusing her even more.

"Why but Kagome-sama, you and Inuyasha-sama are mates, aren't you?" She could feel the coldness seep into her body through her gashes in the sides, where her talons were still hurting.

But nothing hurt as much as her voice saying those words. What would she answer to that?

_No? _That they're lovers? They weren't anymore…

_No? _That he loved another? He'd always love her. How humiliating, to admit it…

_No? _That she'd run away? She was a weak coward, unable to move forward or backwards…

_No? _Because she'd given up on him, tired of being used in the place of the woman he really loved?

Simply _no_ because there was nothing else to say, because not even she comprehended anything beyond that _no_

Therefore she kept quiet, until Shunran again touched her shoulder.

She snapped immediately

"What do you want? What could you possible want?"

"O-hime-sama, for too long we've been ruled by those dogs"

Toran's initial tone faking exhaustion, at the word "_dog"_ it intensified, rasped angrily. Shunran nodded and plucked the daisy out of her hair, crushing it in her hand to dust. When she opened her clawed hand again, she smiled at Kagome and blew the white glittery dust in her hand.

"The age of panthers has come. You're but a mere pawn"

The world turned even foggier. Everything changed color and was upside down, and then there was nothing but darkness. A darkness so cold she felt she could never find her way back. It seemed to her that a dear voice achingly called her name, but she laughed inwardly, knowing it was certainly a taunting illusion. Or was it her, calling for his help?

Silly girl, you should've known.

He should've known it would never be that easy. But he was too absorbed and anxious to find her. He was too fearful.

His first opponent surged when he was immediately out of the protection crimson sphere.

With a cruel laugh and a vengeful eye to him, Karan jumped from the skies. He was sure; she'd been expecting him… What made things worse.

She rather enjoyed his panicked look. She knew he was looking for the ningen that Shunran and Toran had gone to find. Through the entire city there were hidden rebels ready to attack, waiting for the sign that would be given by one of the Panther devas.

He tried to pass through her, around her, but she was decided not to let him and lit up a barrier of high orange hungry flames behind her, blowing on her hand afterwards, with a pleased smile as the remnant smoke ebbed away.

Then with her hand still so hot that it burned some hairs of her short spiky red hair, she finally greeted him, with a mocking western bow. From beyond the barrier he heard the crashing of cars as they stopped in mid road, to avoid going through thirsty hell flames. Her rich voice was snide.

"Finally we meet my lord, I am…"

"I know who the hell you are" Without even noticing it, his claws were already longer, deadlier and he crackled his knuckles in a violent warning, growling with his fangs bared and all. "Now get the fuck out of my way or I'll break every bone in your body"

She laughed impishly and purred, a tail sticking out of her shorts noticeably when she bended at the waist, hands in her knees, and long and curvy claws also ready to attack.

The swirly motions of her tail distracted him a little at first but then he was at her again. His vision meeting wisps of angry red, and he grabbed Tetsusaiga harder, brandishing it directly in her direction.

"Take out that fire, konoama, and get the fuck out of my way…"

"What are you going to do my lord? Kaze no kizu me and you'll blow out all the cars that are behind me…You wouldn't do that would you? After all, you, your disgusting family always loved ningen _so _much."

"Get the hell away from me!" The pressure behind the cry was so loud it brought tears to his eyes…Kagome was just inside his reach, and he was being held back.

No! Too much aching he'd gone through! Too much regrets… Too much pain. He'd too at least make sure she was ok. Absolution was at stake.

Kaze no kizu wasn't the only attack his ancient katana possessed however. Hadn't the cat done her homework?

"Stupid cat…If you don't get the fuck out of my sight I'll show you how much more I can do with Tetsusaiga"

He panted, warmth crept up his cheeks, heat meaning that his youkai royal marking were tinting his unblemished skin, his eyes had red pressure behind them and his head hurt, his mouth hurt, his fingers hurt. A good hurting. The kind of hurting that urged him to scratch his itches and get rid of this cat-smelling nuisance.

The red pressure ebbed away slightly leaving him only half-transformed when a fireball made him side step and burned some wisps of hair that immediately grew back.

Finally came the animalistic will to cut that bitch in half, bury his talons and digits in her stomach and tear apart her uterus, stomach, bladder. To kill her... slowly…painfully…

The roar that left his throat made the demoness think he really was going to use his heirloom and blow the entire road away. No.

He was already clawing at her neck.

Feet above the ground in the sky. Diving to the ground. Slamming in the ground. Her skull cracked open, and when her red unfocused eyes looked up and found the youkai prince straddling her midsection with a cruel smirk, she had the urge to jump to her feet and knock him over, fight for her life- although she'd sworn to be faithful to the cause, and die for it if needed. She'd fight yes, but she'd do it psychologically, the way it hurt the most. Not by struggling, she couldn't win him in strength- Therefore she had to distract him, to then make her escape. He was way too heavy and powerful… Where the hell was Shuran when she needed him?

"Did you touch her?" he snarled near her ear, a sadistic grip in her neck, talons poised over her stomach, ready to plunge.

Laughing, she gurgled blood.

"Who my lord, your dearest ningen?"

Slamming her head against the ground again, tainting her red hair with more crimson panther blood, Inuyasha repeated himself, his frustration and anger escalating, engorging in his chest along with desperation.

"Did you touch her?"

"Is she that precious my lord? A mere ningen?"

"She is mine! I decide if she is important, and if she is the woman I want, she is a princess… If you touched her…"

"Oh rest assure, my lord…" she gurgled again. Inuyasha could see in her eyes. She didn't care about dying. She was enjoying twisting him, furthermore: she was enjoying the weight of the panther vengeance that would fall upon him. When she added in an all too excited voice the next sentence, his mind went in frenzy. "Kikyo-san is perfectly safe."

His breath hitched. Kikyo? Kikyo? What did she mean by Kikyo? Did she thought that was the one he was referring too? That was strange. No. Karan's voice was firm and determined. She knew what she was saying and doing. Why the mention of Kikyo… Even the panther thought he wanted to make _her _his princess? When in fact it was not her who she wanted. It was…

"_Kagome_ however is dozing. Who knows when she'll wake up? Shunran powders are really powerful."

No, no, no! She was manipulating him, he was sure. No! He'd get to Kagome in time! Nothing had happened to her! He was still alive! But if she was indeed _dozing_ as they liked to call it, under Shunran's powders… They're illusory and trapping. What if never came back?

_Please mother…Please. I have to make amends with her. Please, you can't let her leave._

Amber eyes closed for a single second in prayer, he didn't see, smell or sensed the only male of the panther devas descending from behind his straddling body.

Not until lightning struck him.

Sweat trickling down his shirt clad body, drenching his hair. Smoke rising from charred parts of his body where his clothes had burnt as well. Under his claws dirt mingled with blood, but he got back on his feet. Shuran was hovering over his younger sister.

He should run away, but he was so thirsty, their blood, he wanted their blood! He wanted to eviscerate them!

An ironic buzz woke him from a frantic shake of hands and head as he continued looking at the two siblings. His cell phone. He didn't felt like answering it. He was sure it was either his brother or Miroku. And he wasn't going to accept it… They're going to tell him to calm down…

Enough of that he'd been calm for too long. If he now had the need to kill and maim it was because he'd been tamed for too long.

One freaking month without feeling her. Now he could get her back and he was under the risk of her being kidnapped, taken away from him forever. They're going to make her hate him…It was enough.

Disgusted he watched as Shuran, fruitlessly tried to wake Karan, and then held her dead body – which had ultimately been killed by his powerful spontaneous and non rational attack with the lightning – and kiss her in the lips harshly,

Turning blazing turquoise eyes to him, Shunran was a support of pain and loathe.

In a certain level he could identify with him- he too had lost the person he loved – although it was in fact an immoral and sick kind of love- he could understand it.

They're mates. And in the panther's eyes he was the only one to blame for her death- maybe in a futile attempt to hide the guilt, behind the need of vengeance.

He was going to strike, rising his crackling hand above his head, for a moment the hanyou stood impassible, with morbid fascination… He was sure he'd be worse if he ever lost Kagome.

"How dare you?" he rasped in a deep voice, heavy with hurt "How dare you to subjugate us, steal us from our self-determination and then kill her? She only wanted freedom."

But in the snowy afternoon, as the cold flakes fell around them, Inuyasha didn't want to, couldn't think of politics. Karan's blood tinted the ground in an obnoxious spot of crimson.

He was sure that if he found Kagome's blood as Shuran now observed his sister's and lover's, he'd either doze-off to forever become an animal in a killing rampage, that Sesshomaru would be bound to kill or lock away forever, condemning him to a life in isolation, or he'd die. Die.

To this day the question remained pounding in his head: why hadn't he known sooner? Why was it necessary for all this drama to happen for him to understand that who he'd always had, was the only one he needed? He, truly, truly wanted.

For some extent he felt guilty. Yet another man was tore from the existence of his mate. However, he , himself, had to get to his own mate on time- and for that there were sacrifices to be made. Even if he had subjected another to the same pain- or worse- that he had gone through… that he was going through.

Shuran's hand descended in an irate gesture, eyes burning the edges of his turquoise eyes, his youki like flames arousing in the air, burning the molecules, the reality around him waving like the heat above a bonfire.

Inuyasha focused and again brandished his long fang, his precious heirloom. He still remembered chichi-ue's words

"_Inuyasha, when you grow up Tetsusaiga will be yours."_

"_The Sword of destruction?"_

"_No. no my son… The sword of protection"_

This was for Kagome, for her protection. Who was he kidding? It was as much for her as it was for him. Selfishly he needed to see her again, alive, breathing, warm, rosy to make sure he was still alive too. He hadn't felt anything but numbness or extreme pain in the past month. He ached to again feel his loins coiling inside his flesh at hearing her endearment words.

Focusing on the power of dragon-scaled Tetsusaiga, the blade transformed morphing metal into scales and he directed his youki to Shuran. Thunder fell from the sky that had become dark. The snow no longer fell. The lightning bolts were an angry shade of orange, almost red, and crackled over his head, thundered, echoed in his min in a lone cry of help, of misery.

But this was his fate: To destroy the cursed Panther youkai in front of him, and rescue his preciosity, his treasure.

In the suddenly dark atmosphere, the lugubrious sky threatening to fell over them both to atone them of their crimes, two men fought for absolution. But only one would get it.

Expanding his red youki to his maximum, the shade of an angry dog appeared behind him, so much bigger than his own panther shadow in vengeful dark blue, in a promise of unhappiness.

Inuyasha roared and his red aura enveloped him in a red hurricane, his yoketsu swirling. Finally, after focusing immensely, the prince found Shuran's and prepared to attack. But before that, a violent junction of four lightning struck him, his youki coiling his body connecting with the ever cold ground, here the snow now melt to give way to the ugly wet tar. He felt his skin break under the shear violence of the blow. The shirt that was now ruined and shredded, leaving him bare chested. His hands were blistered for holding Tetsusaiga no saya with such strength against such a powerful attack, which hadn't failed to still catapult him at least eight feet away from where he fist had stand.

Fortunately, not only Tetsusaiga was the katana of protection, as its sheath was the provider of safety and protection for him.

But unfortunately for Shuran, he was now more pissed than ever and fixing his golden eyes rimmed with youkai red, in his yoketsu blue whirlwind, he wielded the Dragon-scaled Tetsusaiga and waited for the right opportunity.

For a while they stood, in a circle that had been made by the fire Karan had going so fiercely- that was now extinguished - and then from nowhere the opportunity flaunted itself.

Lost between anger and pain, for some seconds, the kurohyou youkai seemed to let the anger ebb away to drag regretful, guilty pained eyes to the broken body of his mate in the ground.

His Yoketsu coiled, but Inuyasha could still feel it very tangibly, above his figure who lingered over his own sister and lover.

Moving faster than he'd ever had, faster than both the human and youkai eye could see, knowing it was the only open opportunity he'd get, Inuyasha's Tetsusaiga rose above his own self and came down on the melancholic swirl known as yoketsu that dangled above Shuran's figure like a poisoned halo, cutting the whirlwind of life, like through soft buttery flesh.

Immediately the panther prostrated and fell. His skull hit the curious lingering spot of soft, pillowing, white snow where his sister's blood remained. Now the lovers laid together in dead.

Inuyasha wondered for a second why was it so calm, why were the streets empty? Was it Kigatsuku's work?

His reflection took half-second before he darted through the road following Kagome's mellowed smell by the dissimulating snow.

There was thread that pulled them together and that made him happy. Closing his eyes he tried to focus on her, on the feeling of that line that bonded them, that was so quickly warming his heart with hope.

And he was assaulted by terror.

In that strange connection he saw himself through her eyes. He was sure they're her eyes, it felt like _being her. _His claws buried in her face then in her body taking out her heart, ripping it in two and eating it. Red eyes glowed in pleasure from the maiming.

The awaking ripped a harsh grunt from him, his chest aching ever so much. This pain however didn't felt like _his.._.

What the fuck was happening? Why was he feeling this? Not only the feeling was not his, but although he could feel the pain, he knew that the cause of it was not real.

Still, was that what she was seeing? Then they're manipulating her!

He ran harder, pushed himself to the limit, following every ounce, every little trace of her scent, like a frenzied frantic dog, in search of his mistress.

It had been miles since he'd left the Houkenikken. Had she run this much? Had he been fast enough?

Immediately two antagonizing auras surged and clashed with his. And another, one that reach for his desperately trying to mingle and thread with his, much weaker one, laid under one of those darker tinged youki power.

Kagome's powerful reiki, diminished to a quality that could only be described as hibernation, fear and shame and hurt and anger swiveling in her soul's pure white-blue shadow.

Before he could step in the dead ended. All its occupants came out.

He had no eyes for the panthers. His amber desperate orbs fell right on her. He could feel the coldness of her body from where he was ten feet from them. Her eyes were empty directed to the sky but unseeing. Her arms reached for the cursed wet ground in acceptance and embracing. Kagome was _dozing, _in the copperhead woman – who he knew to be Shunran, the illusory bitch, from the files- who smile leisurely, satisfies.

In front of her, Toran also with a satisfied look on her face.

"Why good afternoon wagakimi…! I hope you don't mind if we take sweet Kagome with u…"

"Give her to me" his voice wasn't even controlled by him anymore. He was directed by the constant pull of their bond. Her soul was begging for help unconsciously. And he was her protector… how many times had he disappointed her? Now wasn't the time to fail- no!

The aching bond between them urged his foots forward, pulled him to them. Shunran appeared surprised with his apparent rapt demeanor. He couldn't look at them however. His feet were leading to Kagome. His eyes rested on Kagome, his hands ached for Kagome. All of him wanted her. She was all he needed… right now the stupid kurohyou just had to let go of her.

"I said…Let her go. Give her to me."

"You see Inuyasha-sama…Kagome is resting at the time. She's having wonderful dreams…"

Remembering the loaned pain he'd felt moments earlier, and now seeing a grimace on her face, Inuyasha was fast to react. Plunging the leader- Toran, in the wall, her head lolling forward and in an eerie similarity to what happened to Karan, her skull also cracked against the wall. However she didn't bled and he knew from there on, that she was much more powerful than any other kurohyou that'd yet to get in his path. Even the other bitch, which was very powerful, didn't have a youki as strong as hers.

However none of that was match for his own youki, and his rage. The enduring warmth in his cheeks, made him aware of his semi-transformation, as its fangs shredding his gums, and his claws piercing his hands.

Nothing could stop him now, not now that her familiar presence was again inside his bubble. Nothing but…the obvious threat they'd do to Kagome's numb body in spite of his superiority in power would have to make him stop.

She had been hurt too much times because of him. And he had promised Sango he'd take her back, and love her as she deserved to be loved.

"Now now O-ouji-sama… this is no way to treat me. I'm merely giving Kagome the opportunity of envisioning a life with you… a vile hanyou- who'd end up forcing her, hurting her… hurting her…"

He reacted immediately, his clawed hand on the other's neck tightened, but so did the choke on his lover…

"Oh… but you've already done that all those things. That wouldn't be much of a surprise…" Shunran's dull voice pierced into his mind, and he felt more and more like a trapped animal, between Shunran's threats to cause Kagome even more pain, and Toran's venomous words.

Darting angry eyes, with an engorged red rim around his irises to the woman he held by the neck, as sweaty blue hair clung to his hands, and to the other woman, who held the woman he loved, the woman he'd disappointed- so, so many times.

If he got rid of Toran, the panther movement would eventually disappear. But he couldn't place Kagome at stake. It was too risky… he couldn't lose her… what was a world without Kagome?

Focusing again in Shunran who'd a short smile on her thin lips and half-hooded eyes as if she was at the end of the great pleasure, savoring it like she would savor a sip of dark crimson wine.

As he'd done with their brother- Shuran- he could use the Dragon-scaled Tetsusaiga's technique of yoketsu cutting.

But could he cut them both on time, at the same time, to be able to get to kagome? Maybe he should use Bakuryūha … But how would he know that it wouldn't hurt his beloved? Besides in order to use it, one of them had to attack him first… Kaze no Kizu was out of question, and right now, the Yoketsu cutting was the only attack he could muster to defeat them and finally have Kagome returned to him- but he'd to do it quickly almost inconspicuously.

"You bitches. You'll regret this in hell."

"Disgusting dog, let see who goes to hell first…!"

He hadn't noticed his claws had find a way to bury in Toran's soft and cold neck, wisps of blood coloring her pale skin and his dirtied claws.

She let out an outraged cry, much like an angry mewl and tried to run from his hold. However she had the notion that if she did that, his claws in the velocity of the rush would rip her throat open.

Again if felt like being her

It was worse, that this time… it wasn't an illusion…It was a dark memory, which he hated and had tried to smother in dark recesses of his tainted mind: His room, so late at night that in a few hours, darkness would give way to light and shame. Kagome was debating his touch. She was hurt and had reasons to be. But he needed her, and he wanted her.  
He felt her nimble hands slapped against his shoulder, as he trapped her between the bed and his body. And his mouth assaulted hers, as his hands assaulted her body, and his control over her solidified since that faithful night, so many years as it seemed, only two years ago. Kagome had woken dead that morning, and never had she again refused his touch.

She was in love with him and nothing that he could have done had killed that feeling. It had twisted it, and tainted it. But she'd lost a part of herself, and he now knew how it felt to also loose that part – Dignity.

Seeing him distracted as it had been her sisters intentions by sending the young prince in a painful memory trip, Toran was able to escape from his vicious hold and run to Shunran's and Kagome's side.

When the hanyou woke from his trance, the panther leader was already at her sister side, mumbling for her to call both Karan and Shuran, to flee. He heard her clearer. She thought this would be dangerous, that he was in an anger haze, but they'd take Kagome and negotiate her. But that they had to go! And now, before it was too late! For Shunran to call their siblings fast!

And a dark hollow laugh interrupted their murmurs, when the hanyou shook himself out of the daze, sooner than they had predicted.

Toran assumed a protective position, summoning in her hand an ice spear. The long handle formed first, entangling two thick strands of ice, in a strange eerie braid, then the deadly blade pointy and long it faced Inuyasha, thirsty. But Toran's voice was concerned and hurried, fraught.

"Go now Shunran! Find Karan and Shuran and flee!"

Another laugh, from the still hanyou who felt the rims around his irises enlarge, he knew his youkai was pushing out, and even now with a transformed Tetsusaiga in hand, there was no way to stop it. His cheeks now weren't warm; they scalded, burned as if flaming irons were destroying them

His visage turned turquoise and red, a strange purple, as his all mind. His voice scratched his own throat. It was deep and took a sense of bloodlust.

"Those disgusting incestuous cats are dead… You are next!"

Shunran stopped in her tracks, eyes wide and lips trembling, she had already turned her back to them. Kagome came into his visage again and he roared.

"Give me my mate now; your fate is already sealed."

Toran's head, who'd been down since the terrifying statement the prince hanyou had made, rose and blue deadly eyes faced him, then the point of her spear.

"I'm sure he's lying Shunran" she herself lied. The knowing that it was truth stamped on her face, suddenly Shunran's face held the fright of an innocent child, and it crossed his mind, that their tribe must suffer a lot, with these devas on charge.

"Why don't you look near the Tamagawa sta.?I'm sure you'll find them there." A cruel smirk stretched his lips as he advanced on their position, already focusing on their yoketsu's whirlwinds, they started to appear. Toran's ice blue, Shunran's an earthy yellow.

"But before going, you're holding something that is mine. Give her to me!"

At the same time that is voice escalated to new highs, so did Toran's even more frantic, turning quickly to her confused sister and confronting her with her leader status, fangs bared and all, her spear still pointed firmly at the hanyou that approached even more.

"Go now, stupid! Run!"

Was she begging for her sister's safety or for the successful capture of the princess of the western lands?

It was all a flash.

Shunran's feet gave the balance to take off.

Inuyasha ran her yoketsu in sight, Tetsusaiga draw to cut it.

Wisps of a dark yellow flew above the copperhead demoness, as the whirlwind of live was cut.

Her green eyes widened, as she felt life ebbing away.

Kagome fell to the floor.

He ran protectively to her, tears shining in his eyes.

Finally he'd gotten to her. He'd saved her from death.

_Thank you mother…_

Hunched above her, he saw her grey eyes wearily open and face him. Her eyes shone in confusion and fear.

He recoiled a little but then advanced to her again, falling to his knees.

He'd forgotten about Toran.

Until her ice spear perforated his chest cavity with a pained cry leaving the last panther mouth.

Kagome's eyes widened in unbearable shock, as his blood covered her face, and he smiled to her.

A kind loving smile- the first and last, adorned with a blood line in the corner of his fanged mouth.

The extremity of the ice spear spurted from his chest to show her the remnant blood there, and his destroyed flesh, and then twisted.

Inuyasha's hand came up, cradled her cheek. More of his blood was shed over her aggrieved and perplexed being.

"Kagome…"

She threw her hands on the annihilating cold blade and a surge of power cruised her.

In a fantastical spectacle of white pink light, the blade was destroyed and Toran roared.

Her body fell, skin turned to dark charred flesh. Eyes open and condemning, the panther movement had fell.

But so did Inuyasha.

Her spirit pulled him to her, in a catastrophe of crimson tainted tears.

"_Oh Inuyasha…"_

_You will be the death of me;  
you will be the death of me._

Bury it,  
I won't let you bury it,  
I won't let you smother it,  
I won't let you murder it.

Our time is running out,  
our time is running out,  
you can't push it underground,  
you can't stop it screaming out.

_Muse- Our time is running out._


	7. Halo

A/N: Can you say _finally_? I seriously thought I was going to leave absolution behind after this chapter. It was reaaally hard! Especially because of the Taiyoukai meeting- ugh, ups? Lol. Any way this took very long because in between I had exams, more concerts, clubbing, and this was so dark and angsty I was just not in the mood. Anyway I have no idea what's going to happen in the next chapter except for the occasional detail. Thus feel free to give me ideas by reviewing.

On with this then, it really didn't turn out as I wanted. Too bad I guess, although I don't like it a bit, I'll live with it, because I'm not thinking in editing this fucker in a million years!

**VII- Halo**

_You wear guilt  
Like shackles on your feet  
Like a halo in reverse  
I can feel  
The discomfort in your seat  
And in your head it's worse_

There's a pain  
A famine in your heart  
An aching to be free  
Can't you see  
All love's luxuries  
Are here for you and me

_Depeche Mode -Halo_

The wetness of the moon flooded this bedroom.

With a thin blanket hugged against her body, her azure eyes tried to find solace in the darkness of that night, in the bathing thief moon.

A shaky sigh left her dry lips.

This hospital would forever haunt her mind.

She was still confused. Was confused the right word? She felt devastatingly sad, agony kept scratching her heart, and she constantly wanted to wail to the walls- she wanted to claw out her heart to keep the sorrow from hurting her further, from infecting her love, her heart, her mind…

But the causes of it, of the aching pain, it all seemed unreal. She still couldn't believe the man she loved now lied in a forlorn foreign bed, covered in pale green sheets. Because he'd saved her from what she was sure would be a most cruel fate… if the images that had been implanted on her mind were any proof.

The screams, the blood, her pleas, his pleasure, her death, his cruel laughter – things that didn't even exist, but that had been produced to rot her soul and that had lodged in her mind, didn't let her sleep, even though her mother had commanded her to do it.

But truth being said, she felt like fleeing every time the wind gushed stronger and the snow flew higher in the winter sky.

This man had a hold in her whole being. Even right now when she was certain she needed time to access her feelings, he still kept her here, managed to make her stay by his side. When she wasn't needed, when she didn't want to!

It was time for Inuyasha to stop being the center of her whole world, of her whole essence. He'd to stop to be all she had, because right now she didn't think she could leave again. Not after almost seeing him die. Thanking the Kami for his hanyou mixture blood, the brunette looking worn tried to suppress the images of his blood spilling over her face, as if accusing her. It _was _her fault!

All she had wanted to do when running was to give him peace. Peace from this sick addiction that connected them, and to be happy with Kikyo – because if he was happy, then she'd be happy too.

After almost seeing him dead, she'd realized how shockingly obsessed with him she was: Everything about him was special and precious. She wanted to hold him, proclaim her love every second she spent in contact with his treasured skin. But it hurt so much. Tears could mar her skin forever, it still hurt, they could carve an ocean deep grave, but it still hurt to know how much he didn't love her.

How little dignity she had, how little character did she have to fall too primitively for a man who'd never had a kind word to her. Who refused to say her name properly but in a rare occasion? Who treated her like a sex slave… worse a sex doll- with no feelings, with no heart, with no tears, with no _pain. _

It was enough, it was time to let go. She'd told this to herself earlier, then why didn't the same words work again? Why was she glued to the floor, overwhelmed by fear and guilt, but especially love?

His life was so much important than hers that she'd condemn herself to a life of pain, living it with him like she'd done so far, and falling asleep every night, drenched in her own tears?

Yes it was. And she was guilty for wanting to leave him, so bad, to save herself from the pain.

But love's luxuries, were only there for her. She was the only one loving, hurting, aching, craving – for him.

Of course he felt it too, but not for her. And for those twisted feelings he sought comfort in her.

How could Kikyo not love him, seeing how he looked at the sakura trees when they blossomed, or when he saw the little kids running around, with an enthralled look on his face, as if he'd give everything to share their liberty?

But Kikyo didn't love him, no. she was sure of it. Nonetheless Inuyasha did love her, and when he faced the demons that the ice hearted woman had implanted in his heart it was up to Kagome to let him know, to make him sure that _he was meant to be loved._

What about her? Was she meant to suffer this prolonged and never answered aching?

Her azure sad and worn eyes fell on his slumped form, bandages covering his body through all of his mid section… She'd to guess that taking an ice spear through your guts, and having your flesh freezing shouldn't be easy. But right now Inuyasha was recuperating from both the ice attack as he was from her saving spiritual powers. They had affected some of his flesh, and slowed the healing process.

Her wandering eyes fell on her own hands this time. How long had she been a miko? Did her family know? Why hadn't anyone told her? She had these powers… what could she do with them? How to use them? For what? There were so many questions ringing her troubled mind…

A sigh of despair left her lips when her body hit one of the chairs near the tall window. Her heal fell against the wall in weariness. Her hair swirled and came loose from its leather weak restriction, waddling to her breasts and stomach, in a swift motion of dark curls which also caressed the back of the helping chair.

She was ethereal bathed in the glowing silvery moonlit.

Then silver sliver of salty water coursed her cold cheeks, as she deviated her blue eyes from him, and they once again observer the soaring snow.

_I'm so sorry Yasha; I never wanted you to get hurt._

Was it true? She should hate him, for having hurt her so much. Why didn't she? Couldn't she? She'd never wanted him to hurt in any way, and again the weight of Inuyasha's precious life hovered over her.

Closing her eyes she felt haunted. She hadn't had a minute of sleep since Sesshomaru-sama had made arrangements for her to stay the night without questioning her.

Her family had embraced her and kissed her, showed how much they cherished her. Okaa-san was positively happy. Souta tried to hide it, with some gruffness she was sure he'd picked up from a certain hanyou, and jii-chan had asked her if she had been taken by a devilish demon.

Miroku had hugged her tight saying she didn't know what she'd done. Then she'd seen Inuyasha entering that cursed room, his stomach opened and his flesh oozing no blood, almost white, and she'd gone white herself. Struggling to get to him, without saying a word, but letting her loud shrieks and wails express her despair as she saw the man of her life been taken away – Happily it had been for the best.

Sango had asked for sorry as she rocked back and forth, until their conjoined sobs weren't mingling anymore, then she'd gone numb, and Sango still held her. Although she couldn't feel any real warmth from Kagome's body until they once again, hours later, landed their eyes in Inuyasha, now bandaged, and looking peaceful, without a grimace of pain- sedated of course.

Rin was as always very caring, and had talked to her, but between that and try to appease her fuming mate, she had chosen the obvious, and had left her here now.

Through it all, through those aching 14 hours she had neither eaten of slept.

Eating was out of the question seeing she'd to move from this room and she didn't think she was able to do so. Her soul was threading with his here, and refused to be pulled- of course she didn't knew this. She did felt, however, a great pull to keep her there, whenever she decided she'd to go, to leave and never again see him.

But eating wasn't the problem. She had no appetite, and if she ate, she'd probably throw up everything right now.

Nevertheless she still needed o sleep, and she was indeed sleepy. She could barely hold her eyelids higher than half-hooded, and her mouth kept opening in soft yawns, that troubled her breathing. Her head lolled chest wards, sometimes. The thin woman, felt weak, and looked even weaker, her eyes were rimmed with red, and there were dark shades under them. She was positively worn and exhausted.

But she couldn't sleep.

Every damn time she closed her eyes, she felt his blood on her face again, coating her being. Then when she opened her eyes, she was till there in the dream Shunran had implanted on her. And she remembered all so clearly, the details of the panther's illusion.

Inuyasha's claws, long sharp and defined, aiming at her, his cruel fanged smile mocking her, then her flesh being severed from her bonds, the feeling of those hard talons, scratching her bones, taking off her entrails… and she seeing it all, her open eyes contemplating her ripped open body, with a permanent silent scream, doused in horror, as he was blissfully rolling in her flesh and stolen crimson life essence. Loving it, enjoying it…

She was so sick, that the pain would be unbearable, and she again fell in a dark empty void.

When she woke up, it was no longer an imprinted image that'd wreck her.

It was a memory from some months ago.

They were together, as in every important moment she could recall in her life, they're together, and she was trying to tell him something, near the bed, escaping his sensuous assaults on her body. Feelings, scenery, expressions were blurry; she could only more or less distinguish words. She could however, watch it without listening them, since she'd never forget that episode, even though it was a horrid impressionist painting:

"She's cheating on you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Kikyo she…"

Slap.

Thump.

Her body had thankfully hit the bed. But her head had hit the wall and a lazy groan followed as she, with a gingerly motion, felt the back of her head, looking for an injury. Thankfully there wasn't one. But gods, did it hurt! And it wasn't even what hurt the most.

He wasn't there anymore; the window announced his departure with a flowing pink curtain.

The void penetrated her again, and filled her teary orbs.

It was their second time. After the first when he hadn't called her by her name, but by an offending one, _hers._ But he'd forced her, holding her arms above her head, he'd whispered sweet nothing on her ear… that she'd to understand , how much he wanted her, needed her. It was a rare time when Inuyasha exposed at least some of his feelings. As her hands tried to debate him, he won her, and affirmed his superiority over her, through her unyielding love.

A love she didn't want to feel anymore. Recalling all those times, he'd been mean, hurting, demeaning, forceful, cold, uncaring- she felt the anger slamming full force into her.

She'd never been so angry before. He'd disgraced her and stripped her one too many times of her dignity. She'd given any and every thing she could offer to him... he'd only offered raw brutal and unmistaken pain.

And it was enough. She was going.

Getting up, with one last look to the wind revolved snow and at her love, she jumped when the door creaked, and opened.

Sango's voice echoed like thunder.

"Kagome? Where are you going?"

* * *

Her concerned dark eyes followed the motion of her mate's back as he strolled forward, his attention completely unconcerned with her worried gaze, as he ignored even Jakken who was only doing his duty as a retainer, of telling him who and how many of his lords were waiting for him in the conference room. Although protocol said that she could also accompany him in this situations, it was Inuyasha's place, as second in command, to be at his brothers right.

For now that would be impossible. Inuyasha was lying in a hospital bed with only Kagome's forlorn grey eyes as guard; she was convinced that would be enough. Although it was in fact his place, the Tai youkai that were expecting Sesshomaru for comfort and clarification, would be nonplussed about it.

After all the recent crushing of the greatest rival movements by the hanyou's hands would grant him the indulgence of rest.

She walked closer to her mate now, garbed in a fine silk Prussian blue iromuji pooling at her feet, the thick _fuki _dragging behind her swishing with her graceful small steps, and in the and a virginal white adorned with silver cranes obi that right now wasn't exactly easing her try to keep up with her powerful mate.

However when she reached his side, still maintaining her straight posture, one that Sesshomaru's governess, Mayu-san had ingrained in her brain and body since she was 17, her voice was heard not louder than a whisper, so that only her mate could hear her advice:

"Calm down lover."

His golden darkened eyes darted momentarily to her seemingly nonchalant posture as she walked by his side. Jakken continued his infernal blabbering.

"…and Bothildr-sama and Awiti-sama have arrived just now my lord… Kigatsuku-sama is with them and is trying to appease them but I don't think he's having that much success… perhaps if I went there…"

"Jakken."

It was a common thing for his name to be spoken when he let himself be carried away by his ambitions of pleasing his lord. However it was not common to be _Rin_ and not Sesshomaru-sama to speak it that superior cold tone, one that Mayu-san had also taught her.

"Please attend to your other obligations. You'll be called when needed."

Sesshomaru's eyes focused on his lady as she coolly dismissed his retainer. His big yellowy imp like eyes widened and he seemed positively offended by her statement, almost smirking, the lord of the western lands continued walking.

Biting of his tongue and trying to remember that the little brat was his powerful Lord's mate he scurried off with a constricted green face.

Sesshomaru would have found it amusing, had the situation not been as serious as it was.

"Did you dismiss my retainer for any reason in particular?" her silver comb glinted in the light of the corridors when she turned around to clash her dark eyes with his golden cold ones.

"Take a hold of your youki, I can feel it swiveling." Her voice was collected and sharp and he knew she was right. He couldn't get a hold of his youki, it was...restless.

But what was one to do, when now not only he had his heir to the throne lying in an hospital bed, with a hole in his guts, but he'd to lead a conduct investigation to discover how in the seven hells had a spy escaped his elite and royal guard, seeing there was no way in hell that the panthers could have discovered the militia schedule, and Kagome had mentioned that they're aware of his brother's …relationship with _Kikyou._

And most of all he'd at least 10 youkai in his officer, that as soon as they'd heard what had happened, had flown to Tokyo to hear him explain why had such a normally controlled antagonistic movement almost destroyed the governmental system- because this would throw economy in a frenzy, and well most of these Taiyoukai, although leaders by birthright, usually attained wealth and reputation not only by that, but also by major stockholding and owning entire corporations.

He'd too much things on his mind and since they'd found Kagome he'd been neglecting his mate. But he knew she understood, he was merely concerned with Inuyasha, another disaster like his brother losing his life would be tragic, people would lose faith in their governors. Not to mention that as much as he hated to admit it, it was his little brother there lying when he'd almost been frozen to death.

A sigh left his lips in an uncharacteristic show of emotion.

"You are not needed. I'll deal with them."

"I want to." As much as he wanted to exclude her from his duties as western lord, she wouldn't let him. No she was the lady of the west and she'd conquered her place at his side. At his side she would remain.

His shoulders tensed and his whole posture hardened and she knew he was going to rebut her desire. Without saying a word she stepped away from him and turned her back to her rigid mate, and walked straight forward to the oak large and heavy doors at the end of the hall.

Sesshomaru still a little mellow and most of all surprised and outraged by her sudden dismissive demeanor stood in the same place, back to the door she was opening, pondering her acts. Then in a hasty move he turned around and saw her opening that door. He'd calm his youki that was now tightly wrapped around his tall form. Smiling the lord of the west understood his mate's actions by giving him time to do it.

The Western door was thrown open by a slim feminine figure. All eyes in the noisy room turned to her and silence was made.

Garbed in her fine silk and satin and adorned by silver and a dark blue moon in her neck confirming her high status, the woman glided through the night darkened and candle lit large conference room. A long large wooden table prolonged through almost the entire length of the space. But the multiple sets of different colored eyes that hit her were far more frightening then the expanse of the room or the light in it. Rin was used to it though, and she knew that fear was not an option seeing half of the youkai in the room could smell it and all.

The first to get up was a European Taiyoukai. An _Italian, _and thus, given his culture, a very charming one. His Japanese was funny and too accentuated.

"Rin-sama! What a pleasure to have you join us!" Disregarding the social protocol rules, his tanned hands interrupted her curt nod and he kissed her hands, drawing out a small smile from her lips that Mayu-san would think as unacceptable and would anger Sesshomaru to no end. Raising his head slightly and recomposing from his bow, he threw her a dazzling smile and asked "And where may I ask is our lord Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Our lord will be joining us in a few seconds, Valentino-sama. He was busy with other obligations." Her voice cold and collected was still smooth and non hostile, as she again made the hem of her iromuji whisper in the floor as she strolled over to Kigatsuku who bowed to the almost to the ground when she stepped in front of him.

"My lady."

"You can go now, Kigatsuku-san. I'll attend to our guests." Her eyes returned to the different sets that were sitting in the table. Some observing her amused, others with glistening loathe others with adoration, some with displeasure, and others with nonchalance. But she was used to it; she repeated to herself again, she was used to the different treatments she got. However, with her social status no one would dare defy her. Sometimes she wished they'd just spit whatever they'd to say out, so that they could be at rest, and she'd be clarified.

"If my lady doesn't oppose, I'd like to stay." Kigatsuku was an old West servant _and _Mayu-san's mate, it was not like she could deny him, and there was no need to do so.

Kindly nodding, she accessed for a second to her mating bond inconspicuously looking for Sesshomaru, the little thread of him inside her. He was still agitated and she resolved that she could wait longer. Sitting in the smaller chair that was sided by both a bigger one and Kigatsuku at the head of the table she smiled coldly to all of them and chirped.

"Well,_ Hougei"_

Some faces contorted in anger, but one, the one which had coldly and nonchalantly contemplated her entering, was the only one who answered.

He was a cold demon, living in Siberia, and Taiyoukai of Russia, everything in him indicated coldness and a calculating demeanor- he was only surpassed by Sesshomaru. Long blond hair fell across his shoulder to his immaculate white furs, not was downy as her mate's Mokomoko-sama. His eyes were a dark blue, darker than her mating mark, and not only his fangs were sharpened, as they were very long. He was a white wolf youkai. And he didn't seem pleased. His Japanese was a snarl, much like the authentic Russian tongue.

"I thrust none of my lords obligations are more important than us."

She calmed herself before answering him, knowing that is particular canine nature would make him sniff every emotion on her. Ice seeped in her veins, a condition she'd learned from Sesshomaru, not Mayu-san this time. The same cold smile from the welcoming rooted on her lips and she leaned slightly backwards her hands neatly folded on her lap.

"Nothing is more important to Sesshomaru than his brothers in arms."

The statement in itself was very normal, usual even. But said by her, it indicated a certain level of intimacy that none of them in that table had reached, nor would they ever reach. She'd called him by his given name, she'd called them brothers in arms, and all those expressions prove to them that she entered his mind indeed, although not youkai, she bore her mark proudly and with dignity. She showed them she was a proper and adequate mate to their lord. Some smirks of amusement and congratulations appeared in some lips. And she jubilated inside.

But Borislav, the chilly Taiyoukai faced her with ivory expression, every wrinkle of his 30 so appearance carved in his alabaster skin. He was _pissed off. _Inwardly a smirk graced her features.

"Now now, let's not get antic." The only female Taiyoukai rose from her sit and bowed at Rin, who responded with a short nod. This was different. Awiti was a lion youkai, who'd spent her entire youth in the western court. She had fancied Sesshomaru, and although Rin's grandparents weren't even thought at the time, she'd known by Mayu-san and eventually by him. It wasn't like he wasn't a great, _great _catch, he was handsome, wealthy and had social status (at least this was how these Youkai bitches thought). Besides she was dead gorgeous, exotically gorgeous with her dark caramel skin plump lips and hazel eyes and her wild though rough golden mane, her six foot figure and strange brown leather, she was different and appealing and Rin, although Lady of the Western lands was still insecure. Right now, though she appreciated the kindness showed by the often warm Youkai and smiled.

"Indeed let's not" There were times when Sesshomaru was caring and warmth to her, and light and love. And then there were times when… he was downright scary. This was one of these times. Strolling inside the room with Jakken once again on his haunches, the demon lord made all the Youkai stand the moment his voice was heard. Rin rose from her sit too and smiled at him. Only a slight twinkle in his eyes assured him that he corresponded the feeling. Then he came to her, his beautiful silken sky blue suikan and dark blue hakama clashing against Mokomoko-sama that wrapped around his shoulder to whisper just above the ground as he walked. Positioning himself just in front of his majestic wooden carved chair and facing his subordinates he offered his hand to Rin, wordlessly and without a look, and they sat at the same time.

Golden cold eyes stopped unemotionally in the Italian bobcat youkai with his slightly upturned nose and olive complexion, dark tresses falling to his face.

"Valentino-kakka."

The man's dark eyes shot upwards immediately. His pointy ears with tufts in the end twitching slightly.

"You'd know that I do not appreciate such intimacy with my mate."

"Yes Sesshomaru-sama." He offered. There was no real regret, but that was because he had had no ill intent. Sesshomaru knew it too, but he'd make a stand.

"As for you, Borislav Pétrovitch, you would know there are few matters that are more important to me than my subjects. However my family is one of those few."

His aura reminded her of an ever cooler and icy Sesshomaru that she'd fallen in love with. And she was pleased by it, because he was still Sesshomaru-sama, the White dog lord, the Inu no Taisho, the Lord of the west, but with her he was simply Sesshomaru. A look of adoration fell on her face as she continued to observe him. Borislav released an "Aa, wagakimi" and Sesshomaru didn't even concede him his eyes again.

"You dislocated from your regions and countries as soon as you heard about my brother's victory, speak up."

No one seemed interested in talking and exposing to their lord the problem. Not until a man with at least 7 foot rose from his chair to bow to his lord deeply. Sesshomaru gave him word.

"Speak your mind Bothildr-Kakka" Ambassador Bothildr was a very bulky and large figure, who towered over anyone in the room. He had neither good nor ill intentions per se, being a pragmatic man the bear from the Norwegian, ruled not only that domain but Iceland, Sweden, Finland. As a pragmatic man, he'd one major concern- survival. Survival of the fittest, of companies, of youkai, and besides all that he was the sire of a hanyou child and was notorious for studying their unstable nature.

"My lord what brought us here was concern. We wonder if Inuyasha-sama is alright, and how did he crush the Kurohyou movement? The woman we took notice in a month was she found already? Furthermore my lord, we are indeed worried, did the ningen see what happened? Was there espionage involved?" His clear blue gaze had never wavered, his voice was ever the firm one, his beard covered face strong yet unyielding. His facial expression wasn't an unkind one; it asked sincerity and clarity though.

All eyes fell on the Inu youkai waiting for a reply.

"Inuyasha, we hope, will be recuperated in due time. He was able to crush the movement, because the foolish leaders walked right inside Ota sure of their own victory, because they'd _confused_ the Western militia. My brother was able to beat them all and recover Miss Kagome that until then had been… staying at an acquaintance house, and that had been captured by the illusionist Shunran."

"That's very nice to know my lord, but with all due respect, we are here to know if we are going to be affected- if ningen saw what happened, they won't understand but popularity and stocks are going to start dropping chaotically." With the top of his head covered with a keffiyeh, more commonly known as Arafat, locked in the crown of his head with an uncommon silver agal, and eyes the color of dusty sand, his whole complexion looked sick. He was between the sandy and golden color but it was pretty obvious his skin was harder than any normal skin should be. His eyebrows were made from small bony saliencies, like those in a lizard; obviously he represented the deserts, the Middle East. Abdul-Majid remained quiet and waited for his lord's reply.

"Kigatsuku" he indicated the man behind him "made sure the smallest amount of ningen was around at the time, Abdul-Majid. Besides, I expect a mating in my house soon." Rin almost swooned and almost called him _kawaii _with starry eyes and a girlie smile and a giggle. Almost. "And when the mating, does occur it will have plenty of media covering to make all ningen forget this incident and increase their fondness for the house of the West.

"My lord, you speak of a mating!" Awiti seemed outraged "how can this be that a member of the house of the west has been courted and none of us knew! We should've had the time and right to do our proposals."

The cold Inu youkai took notice of that and seeing their hardened faces, including Bothildr's who'd always dreamed about marrying his child to Inuyasha, he replied sighing instead of silently dwelling, golden eyes clashing with her once ever submissive hazel eyes.

"Awiti-kakka, This Sesshomaru assures you that the courting was not nearly official."

"What? How?"

"Control yourself Awiti!" snapping back, she calmed down and looked strangely at him, almost savagely, Bothildr's eyes peeping from behind her tall slender frame.

"He is but a child in youkai matters. He was playing with what he felt and at a certain point the rope snapped and they flew to different directions. It is hard to explain and I shouldn't desire to so without my ototo's permission"

"This however does not matter, seeing I see her fit for a place in my house and for the place besides Inuyasha. Nothing official has come out of it. But being human, she'll increase our popularity.

"And if they don't get together?"

"I'll not sell my brother Bothildr-kakka. If Inuyasha does wish to marry your daughter I'll be the first to congratulate you. As he does not, I congratulate him for his adoration of Higurashi-san. Are we clear?"

Bothildr, the larger than a boulder man, merely nodded dutifully and turned blue eyes to the glass of water.

A Chinese dragon youkai rose to bow to the lord and Sesshomaru gave him word.

"Speak your mind Hong Zheng"

"My lord" his skin was a sickly white and skin moustaches fell from the corners of his upper lip, as did the ends of his brows. Rin fought the need to grimace. "However important as it is for Inuyasha-sama to get married, I must ask about an equally concerning … topic: Is there already a investigation coursing to find out the spy in your army."

Sesshomaru twisted his nose.

"Indeed gentleman, I am ever aware of our need to so. I suspect though, that the panthers weren't the ones behind it. A greater threat watches from the shadows…"

* * *

Sango still faced her best friend scared, as if she was going to run at anytime she took her weary eyes from Kagome.

"Stop doing that" ordered the younger, with satin ebony hair to the chestnut eyes woman, who widened said orbs dazedly and gingerly.

"Kags, don't be loud." Her moan was irritating the younger woman.

"Sango no baka. You should go to Miroku so that he can rub your feet and warm you."

Her tone although light hearted reminded Sango that this was her best friend and that she had been broken and shattered when after being used almost into vagueness, almost to the point of identity loss, surpassing dignity and love. And the one who'd done it to her had been Yasha, her best friend Yasha, who used to eat apples with her in his big gardens inside and outside the shiro, with Miroku, relishing in quietness and peace. Kagome didn't have the things she had with Miroku, with the person she loved. How sad was that? That her best friend, an artist had denigrated herself almost to oblivion of non existential freedom.

"Kagome…"

Teary eyes that had been resting over the figure lying in bed met hers, and the stormy blue was positively conflicted.

"You know, I thought, "_You're a strong woman Kagome, you really are, and you can do this" _and I said to myself that I'd this for the both of us. He deserved to be happy and loved, and if I got out of the picture then we could forget each other and he'd be happy with Kikyo, and I'd be happy if he was happy…" all of this she'd blurted in half a minute. Tears following her words in a desperate torrent, sobs would come later.

Sango reacted immediately nearing her, embracing her quaking shoulders, facing the outside of Tokyo with her, the moon lightening both of them.

"I was so angry at him… But believe me Kagome he… he completely lost it when he thought you were dead, when he thought you'd ran away. He stayed youkai for days, locked in the diamond room protected by Miroku's sutras, he burned himself and he clawed at himself and he _chewed himself_…"Sango sighed and tried to see Kagome's expression. Perhaps if she understood through her ex-lover's acts how sorry for his previous actions he was, she'd indeed forgive him.

But forgiveness, absolution, was not an easy indulgence.

"I've done it too Sango." She sighed softly "I've just done it alone and my teeth and claws are just humans, I can't make that big of a show. What I mean is that I suffered for the last two years, a pain so overwhelming that it threatened to explode inside me, make my body to shreds. I had to open it to lose the pressure. Do you understand?" Turning to her friend when she'd had her back to Sango's chest the whole time, pleasing stormy blue found dark chestnut and she repeated "Do you understand what I mean?"

Silence carved their way in their hearts. And as much as Sango wanted to answer. She couldn't. She was unable to answer it because she was a pragmatic and realistic person, she dealt with pain the only way she knew, tossing it to a draw and closing it with a key inside herself. Not Kagome, no, Kagome was an artist, and artists tended to feel so much more. And she did, she had pain carved in her body, in her eyes, in her mind and soul.

"I guess not" melancholia coating her voice as she neared the window. "I tried time and time again to get rid of it. And when I finally wasn't trying, guess what, I find myself falling to the Sumida-gawa and thinking that now Inuyasha could be happy, because I'd be out of his picture forever. And at the same time I loved him more and more, because every second that passes it grows inside me, I love him more and more, and I wanted to see him then but I couldn't…"

A fit of sobs rocked her entire body and she leaned in more into Sango. Her speech verging on illogical and irrational.

"But I don't want to Sango, I don't want to but there's something inside me, I _love _him. No…I don't think what I feel even describes as _love._ Its far more pushing and painful and demanding, and I love it and… I hate it… But Inuyasha has never offered me anything but pain! He offered me no love, no stability and none other than the occasional comfort and I… I'm just tired Sango"

The other woman petted her hair gently as Kagome cried on her shoulder arms drawn back to her own sobbing chest as she fit between Sango's warming arms that although did not offer comprehension, held compassion and warmth and understanding.

Her sob continue to heave fat tears from her very core, her throat coarse with the harsh talking, the back of her throat thickening with saliva, her vision blurry she emptied herself for Sango because she was done trying to do things by herself… that had never worked.

"I tried not to care for him at Jinenji-kun's; I tried to forget every moment and every touch I… I thought I had done it but then it all clashed back into me and I... How can I want him so? How can I want to fight for a love that has offered me nothing?" Outraged with herself for wanting, for wanting to have him back and kiss him and love him. How could she want this to herself? More pain? She had no more strength to fight for Inuyasha. But the feeling, they remained, promising nothing but pain.

"Hey Kags?"

The strong slim and feminine hand that had been petting her hair continued stroking it albeit more lightly. Blotchy and puffed precious gems of grey and blue, ever unusual among Japanese people, looked at her desperately; she clung to Sango as if she was her last hope as if she would change everything should she want to. Her chin quaked as she looked at the complacent woman.

"I don't have much to say but that I can understand what you are speaking but… I have a feeling Yasha is going to help you sort it out…"

For a single moment the darkness of the room became denser and thicker, and Kagome shook her head, and looked to the ground the mild chill making Sango shivered, and blood red eyes focused harshly. Her voice richer and fuller than the previous sobbing mess.

"It says I shouldn't."

"Wha..? Who says?" Asked Sango suddenly, noticing the change in her friend even if not for a couple seconds. But seeing Kagome's natural eye color and still focused look, she disregarded it, finding Kagome now walking away from her, her form slumping in a chair where she'd spent the last hours, revolving her head.

"I should probably get some sleep too." Sango looked at her with narrowed eyes and for a second Kagome feared she might know that she felt like she couldn't close her eyes never again. Those images, those memories…haunting her filling her with emotions that didn't belong to her… That flash of miko energy that had came out of her, the colors of those burning youki and the need to run made her want to cross her eyes until Sango interrupted.

"Well that's why I came back." Sango's eyes fell in Inuyasha's form on the bed and they widened for a fraction of a second, then lowering them to her friend's she tried to be as softest as she could. "Kagome-chan, come home. It's not healthy to stay here all night. You've been here for a long time now, you're tired and I bet you haven't had dinner or even a snack-"

"Oh…" Kagome's voice, slightly higher than usual, rose and she interrupted Sango's concern. "I ate Sango, a nurse brought me food. Don't need to worry. I won't leave here." Her fleshy lips stretched in a bittersweet smile.

Then she spoke no more, her eyes falling steadily on Inuyasha's covered form, her gaze never returning to Sango.

And the older one looked at the woman she'd grown to love like a sister, and felt a foreboding sensation coursed her from head to toe. Inuyasha had said she was just lost not dead and that he'd bring her back. Now that she was back and he'd fulfilled his promise, why did she look so deadly lost still? How come had she never felt all the overwhelming pain that Kagome's heart contained? Sure she'd known he'd hurt her, countless times, but she'd never thought it could be so bad. How could she ever think that she could let him if she just wanted too? She had no control over what she felt; something inside her compelled her so utterly to him that she'd always find her own self-judgment crushed by her feelings for him.

Now that she knew her best friend felt about Kagome like this too, it seemed easy, but at the same time was so complicated because there wasn't a white oblivion paint to make them forget what they'd suffered. And the lack of that pain was making Kagome finally crumble- after all this time, she was finally coming down.

And Sango felt tears prickling her eyes as she watched Kagome's nimble small pale frame rocking back and forth slightly, eyes locked on Inuyasha's form- she was forced to see her best friend follow a path of annihilation

On the threshold, and on her way out of the room, trying to blink the obnoxious liquid in her chestnut eyes, Kagome's monotone voice stopped her.

"Can you please inform Kaede-baa-chan that I'm going there to see her sometime soon?"

"Kagome… she's in Nagasaki for god's sake…"

"Just tell her, alright?" melancholic and soft Kagome pleaded without even a look.

And Sango had to acquiesce.

* * *

He forced his chest not to quicken with everyone of her sobs, but he could not ease the pain away, he could not wipe his tears, nor could he break free from the medical restraints, which bound him to a bed where he was forced to hear from the woman he loved, that she didn't want the feelings she'd for him, because he'd ruined from the inside out, there he was forced to hear that there was no hope of Absolution whatsoever. And his eyes closed heady with the pungent smell of tears staining his hospital gown.

* * *

Hours later when dawn was about to break loose he'd wake sweaty and nauseated. The sheets clogged in sweat as was his body and cold waked made him rock throughout the entire length of his being. Ripping the catheter from the veins in his arms and wincing at the feeling he stumbled to the slightly open door of the bathroom from where a thread of light escaped to the complete darkness of the large room.

Clammy large clawed hands reached for the walls or furniture anything that could give him support. He was just so tired, his stomach doing flip flops inside his body, he actually retched but threw up nothing leaving him only with an acrid taste in his mouth, and tears prickled his eyes. And a memory came from far away… from the land of dreams.

A memory indeed something he kept watching again and again in his brain.

Something that kept playing in his mind over and over- her blood itching under his claws, in his fangs in his genitalia, as he took away everything- dignity, purity, chastity, life…

Prostrating in front of the toilet, his weak knees hit the tile harshly and he winced both when he felt the impact as when a violent retch made him throw up something that felt cold inside him, but burned throughout his esophagus like acid- it reminded him of the feeling of Sesshomaru's venom.

Crying silently he prayed to die like this and forget everything, everything he'd ever done, he'd ever been, he'd dreamt. Everything-To just go away and stop the pain that threatened to reduce him to the foul vomit he now retched.

Until cold small hands pulled his hair back and caressed his forehead, tenderly and protectively, a supple body leaned on him from behind and a dry but plump lips pressed a kiss to the beginning of his spinal cord.

Then everything went back as another violent wave of nausea took him away from that scent.

Lilies, jasmine and sunshine.

Pursuing, pleasure, love, completion.

Hurt, pain, betrayal, guilt.

Inside his mind he choked on a scream, though in the darkness those cool weak and thin arms never let go of his pale, prostrated figure.

_And when our worlds  
They fall apart  
When the walls come tumbling in  
Though we may deserve it  
It will be worth it_

Bring your chains  
Your lips of tragedy  
And fall into my arms

_Depeche mode- Halo_

_Please Read_: The meaning of the names and of any other words are sometimes important. If you want me to send you meanings, just ask because I do not have the patience to do a list while writing, I'm a lazy bum.

-Chino,

R-R-Review!


	8. Schizophrenic Paraphernalia

A/N: I will call this chapter, the free minded one. Seriously, didn't even think about what I was writing, it just came out. I think the middle part is a bit poor but I loved writing the first and the last one- they're so cool. Also, this is one of the few chapters that won't have a Depeche mode song. Instead I put Soundgarden's _New Damage _in the beginning and the epic _Fear of the Dark _by Iron maiden in the end. As an homage to the awesome 90's grunge music and Seattle scene with Soundgarden, and as an homage to my headbanger days with Iron Maiden.

One more thing is that I won't update so soon, and if I did it was because this last week was especially motivating in a creative point of view. This chapter is dedicated to the MM followers.

Now buckle up, It's gonna be a dark ride!

**VIII- Schizophrenic Paraphernalia**

_When new damage comes  
It's a new word for plague  
A new world order  
A new word for hate  
The wreck is going down  
Get out before you drown_

_New damage – Soundgarden_

Her straight and classical nose twisted itself with a grimace at the stench and heat of the underground as she came to the completely dark room, in front of her, some minions letting her pass through.

Her dark heels clicked against the dirty surface of the floor. All was dirt here, all was foul smelling and darkened, under the earth, a stench hovering and weighting down on everyone who entered.

But some forms were recognizable. For instance there was a great fireplace, lit with somehow dark strange fire, but equally hot, which made the room all the more insufferable. Especially for her, the wind, freedom…

There was a leather cushioned chair with its back to her, and an arm over the arm rest with a globe of glass with a liquid inside. Her nose that was not much better than a human's, could only smell the stench of the underground and of that dark fore, that wasn't black and yet wasn't yellow, or golden or red…

"Kagura" she frowned and thinned her lips immediately, forgetting any other thoughts, startled.

"Master"

"What a frail young mind…" the soft icy cold voice , this time with a twisted adoration tune to it, rose from the chair that had only its back revealed to her. He was clearly talking to himself. She didn't care she was used to it, and smoothing her burgundy dress, over her thighs, she waited for the figure in the chair sipping from the glass globe to stop his ranting. "Just a suggestion, some darker thoughts and I can keep you up all night my sweet innocent princess…"

Silence ensued, and when she was sure, the manly dark voice wouldn't rise above the chair again; she strolled one or three step forward and kneeled near the back of the chair. He saw everything even if he had his back to her, he saw everything, and there was no point of expressing her… dislike of her master. Then standing up, still looking to the back of the chair, the arm with a globe of glass in its hand, slightly down wards, the dark fire crisping in the great fireplace, the woman named Kagura spoke.

"My lord the panthers have failed their purpose."

"Yes, I see that my sweet innocent is not here. However the cat Shunran did a good job in opening her mind for me… It'll be more enjoyable. Kukuku" that dark chuckle, something that came from deep within his black chest and made his only visible part of the body – his arm- shake with twisted pleasure.

"Yes my lord"

"You see Kagura; the panthers were but a… intro. A warning that they will all fall in my web, it doesn't matter that they're killed and that they didn't brought me my sweet innocent, I'll have her anyway." The glass and hand and arm disappeared behind the large leather back of the chair as he presumably drank from it, then they all returned to the same position." And I will have my revenge on those dogs. But all those Tai youkai here, maybe you should do something about it my dear sorceress… Show them that the Western empire isn't doing very well."

"What should I do my lord?"

"Attack the Northern Lands. The ookami prince is here but he'll be immediately summoned there, not to mention that he will report to the older puppy immediately. Imagine those desolate canines…" His whole tone carried the malefic smirk with it. The voice seemed lost in ecstasy of his plans.

Kagura's lips tightened and she gripped her fan harshly, head down and mumbled.

"Yes master."

"Are you not happy, Kagura? You will be able to fly…to be out of this foul stench…" his voice froze her, her thoughts were his words, and in that moment she knew that he could probe her deeper than see her heart.

"Yes my lord. The White Dog of the West met his Tai-youkai tonight some hours ago. Some mainland dragon wanted to know if the White lord will initiate any investigation to search indications of espionage inside the Western militia."

Silence followed - A silence so quiet and deep that the underground creatures along with his disgusting army of minions could almost be heard, but no. The silence and the darkness in this room were to overwhelming for it.

A sip of the liquid contained in the globe of glass. And then he released another one of those dark chuckled that shook his shoulder and consequently, visible hand.

"Kukuku…But there is no indications or evidence my dear Kagura, and that is why this is so brilliant. Neither of the puppies will imagine she is our source. Do you understand my dear sorcerer?"

"Yes master. May I leave now?"

"Yes _Kaze_, you can" typical of him, even now mocking her of the condition she'd lost to him. "Call our dear informer, will you? Tell her that she needs to visit Inuyasha and play her part. She will know."

Bowing to the ground, her burgundy dress was suddenly dirtied with the foul remnants of a fetid mixture. Grimacing but trying to hide it, she rose, only to be faced with the chair turned and his occupier staring straight at her. Malefic crimson eyes, amused as were his lips, curved slightly upwards. But what was really disturbing was the sight of a human arm held by her master's obscene hand, from bicep to wrist dripping the last drops of blood into the shiny globe. Her equally blood red irises turned to the right of the chair, to look at the fire place. When they were still poised there, there was an explosion of sorts when that arm landed in a pile of burning …_limbs._

When she returned to herself from her shock (mild as it had been, because she knew her creator), and red met red in a clash of wills, she quickly downed hers, and her master smiled, his wavy and glossy black hair fell over his shoulder and he smiled, one hand poised directly in front of her.

_Thum- Thum. Thum-Thum. Thum-Thum._

Her heart. The powerful muscle, which had once been in her chest cavity, was now thrumming in her master's pale and cruel hand.

"Kagura"

"Yes master" she answered, aching, as he well knew that she'd be winded even if she saw her heart for one second. Squeezing it slightly, he chanced a look at her face contorting in pain. He thought she was lovingly, delightful. She bended over and almost crouched, when her master made it impossible to get air in her lungs.

Then suddenly, air was eased into her body and he rasped, huskily, obviously aroused by her suffering, her pain.

"Don't think about doing anything stupid."

"Yes master"

* * *

The flimsy curtains of the most important and most private room of the youkai wing, in the Tokai University Tokyo Hospital couldn't hold back the sunshine of noon as it hit the large windows of the room directly.

A dry groan almost left his throat, and it would have left it, if he didn't felt it so injured, so raw, as if when he tried to speak, he was really rubbing sand in his wounds.

Hushed voices filled his ears. He recognized Miroku's voice.

"Inuyasha should be awake by now…Hasn't the doctor told you anything yet about leaving?"

Pause. Then a voice. A sweet melodic, yet sad voice. Rin's.

"No. Besides, Sesshomaru and I arrived only two hours ago. We were readying everything for the ambassadors and their retinue. There will be a council meeting again in two days."

A Council meeting? He hated those things, and those fuckers, who either thought they were the best thing in the whole world like that damn mangy wolf, Borislav, or thought Sesshomaru was a near Kami, like stupid Valentino-kakka. Why would they be here now? Was it because of the panther defeat? Wheels turning and engineering the whole situation in his mind, he quickly came to the conclusion as to why they were here. They must have been giving hell to Sesshomaru.

Especially Bothildr-Kakka that had always wanted to marry that ugly ass daughter of his to him, because Sesshomaru by now had certainly been obligated to tell them of his bond with Kagome…_Kagome…!_

"_**Kagome!**_"

Three sets of eyes turned to him immediately.

Sango's, Miroku's and Rin's eyes were worried that something might be wrong but he coughed the discomfort of yelling her name (wondering why, if he was already healed of his injury in the battle with Toran, was his throat so sore) and turned to them steadily, even if slowly.

Sniffling once he tried to catch a whiff of her scent. And he did, but it was already hours old, maybe three hours or so old. Where had she been? What had happened…?

_She! _She kept doing these things, things that he could never repay her. After all that they'd had been through, last night she'd still held him, and gave him cold water and hands that held his long hair back. She'd gave him, a glass of water for him to drink and spit to rid him of the horrid stench of bile that always turned his stomach upside down. Then she'd cradled him to her bosom till he fell asleep, drawing great breaths of her soothing scent, if he remembered well, still in the bathroom, and in a matter of seconds.

All without a word.

Thinking back on it, he'd been so comforted by her careful, cool touch, and constantly in and out of consciousness that it hadn't even mattered to him that she hadn't spoken. But now… where was she? Kagome no baka! Didn't she know, he needed her, he needed to make amends? His mind had plagued him with nightmare all night…

It seemed that even listening to her break down, and her pulling him up through his, they hadn't had any physical or direct contact since that night.

Miroku advanced to him and put a hand to the pillow where his head lay, then another to the edge of the mattress.

"How are you feeling, Inuyasha?"

He didn't answer. Healed but exhausted, weary but wide eyed, steady and determined he ripped the IV from his arm and dropped to the floor in his aching legs.

At his frayed but wild expression Rin sighed and step forward. Miroku was trying to make him acquiesce and stay in bed.

"Get away from me Bouzu, where's Kagome?"

"Inuyasha, let me reinsert the IV, stay quiet…"

"Shut the fuck up! Where's Kagome?"

Rin finally arrived to her destination near her brother-in-law and caressed his nude arm, his body covered only by a stringed hospital pale green clothe. Restraining his temper, because he knew she was Sesshomaru's mate and that she was trying to help, the hanyou was taken aback by her statement.

"Hey… "gulp "I… I threw away my alarm clock yesterday."

Neither Sango nor Miroku understood, but Inuyasha's frenzied eyes were soothed by her quiet declaration. He sighed and announced that he was okay.

"I just need to find Kagome."

"She went home to bathe and eat. She'll be back Yasha don't worry."

With Sango's assertive words, he felt part of his worry seep out of his shoulders and he was able to sit, offering his arm to Miroku for him to reinsert the catheter. Looking at it quizzically, he wondered. Hadn't he taken it last night? Kagome had gone through all the trouble to even fix that. The needle, much stronger than any used in humans perforated his skin and the soon to be neurosurgeon left it alone.

"How do you feel? Hatakeda-sensei came by this morning. He said that all your bones have knitted back and that the tissues in your stomach from flesh to muscle and bone have mended. But he also said that your throat seemed sore and irritated. He said you probably threw what was left of the panther's icy poison."

No matter what they said, he was still anxious for his mate. Where was she? Why had she gone away, she herself had said that she hadn't been able to leave before, why was she able now? People had tried to coax her before and she hadn't gone, so that wasn't the answer. Searching for her inside him, he cursed himself for not having a true solid bond with her. _Because I always rejected it, when it came to time. _Not being able to find her through it, as his instincts commanded him, sent him overdrive.

"Is Kagome's house being protected?" with his voice weary he demanded to know, if Sesshomaru had taken precautions, as to never leave her alone. Miroku came near him and studied him.

"Yes Yash, Sesshomaru sent two moon sergeants, but answer… did you throw up the ice venom?"

"Yes" he responded quietly, his eyes to the floor. "Kagome helped me."

"Oh"

He swallowed harshly the lump of his throat but it was still there, not moving. His silver hair fanned in the pillow ad he laid down and curled with his back to them. Sango cleared her throat and sat on the edge of the mattress. One of her hands touched hi garmented shoulder vey softly.

"Hey."

He turned sun eyes to her, but didn't respond, misery swirling in them. And fear, great amounts of fear, so much that one would have thought that he was so terrified he should have been hiding in the closet.

"You kept your promise, Yasha. You brought her back."

He shook his head in denial.

"Not unharmed. I couldn't protect her"

"Inuyasha, you almost died…"

"I know" the prince found his best friend's eyes and nodded "she saved me."

The door opened and a silent figure slid inside. The whiteness of his long tailed mane called to Inuyasha's attention and he faced his brother.

"You did well, Inuyasha"

"No…" He shook his head quietly, his head resting against the pillow, and his eyes resting silently on the ceiling, a bittersweet smile stretching his lips. "No, I didn't."

Pushing those matters aside, the young hanyou looked at is Sesshomaru's worn expression and frowned.

"The council members are here."

"Aa"

"And they have been giving you hell, because they are afraid for the economics."

"Aa"

"And you told them I want to mate Kagome."

"Yes"

"Did Bothildr-kakka whine a lot?"

Sesshomaru's lips opened a brief short smirk, then he went stoic again and came closer.

"Do you feel… well enough?"

"For what?"

"To return home. You are to attend the next council meeting with this Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha immediately silenced. Problem wasn't his return home, no. Problem that if Kagome indeed wanted to come back, she'd return here to the hospital. Besides how would she go to the fortress? And he was more than certain that Kagome couldn't exactly walk from Adachi where the shrine her family owned was, to Setagaya where the Tokyo shiro was now that her car had drowned in the sumida-gawa.

"I'll go. But…"

"Higurashi-san will be notified and I'll provide transportation for her to visit."

"Fine…Fine."

Truth was… what if she didn't want to come? They may think she'd come back, but he'd thought that night she'd come back too, he'd assured himself of it, and for too many days she didn't. What if she chose to desert now too? And what would he say to her? What could he possibly say to her? He wasn't ready. He had to think things over; he'd to think every letter of every word he'd say to her. But what to say? That he loved her? That they were bonded, that they were to be mates? What could that change? It wouldn't change the inexorable past. Focusing on the feeling of her warm hands, he suppressed the need to ache all over again for her, to shed tears for her. The tears he hadn't shed in two years of crimes against his goddess. Sighing he turned to Miroku and whispered.

"I need to talk to you."

Silently gold young yet tormented eyes watched as his older brother led his mate, his faithful loyal mate who'd always support him in everything, who'd defend him and his house and their mating to her last breath. Then Sango inched closer to Miroku and kissed his shoulder lovingly, the pervert squeezed her hand and smiled, and Sango too, the fighter who'd had resisted but finally fallen to the monk's charms, exited the room.

For a while, when the western servant entered to deposit a suit case, presumably containing clothes for him, Inuyasha was certain that if he hadn't been a bastard, if he hadn't destroyed her, then they could be like this, passion and fire, but love, and respect and support and acceptance of one another. He was invaded by images that he wished would come true.

Her hand in his, her body pressed against his side in a lovely summer dress, as they strolled to the park, chattering about their day, under the snow of sakura blossoms.

Waking up in the morning with his nose buried in her locks, every day of his long life.

Both of them in front of a Shinto shrine after a measly ningen ceremony of matrimony, her body garmented in the fantastic and unusual dark blue _uchikake_ his mother had donned when marrying his powerful father, and a kind gentle smile lighting up her whitened face.

Her body, heavy with the life growing within her. Then her nimble arms wrapped a little boy with raven hair and small koinu ears swiveling from the soft threads of dark blue. Amber eyes peering through dark thick eyelashes, rosy cherub cheeks and a toothless smile. Had she imagined it too? He bet she did, countless times…

Burying his face in his hand for a while he tried to control the overwhelming urge to sob, again.

"Yasha, are you ok?"

"No…no I'm not." Golden eyes focused on striking violet and Inuyasha stood up, reaching for the case. Sitting again with it besides him, he looked to the ground.

"Do you remember when we were little and we used to spend hours looking at the murals in the fortress?"

Miroku opened a reminiscing smile.

"Of course. Me, Sango and you"

"Yes. I thought… well I was really happy at the time for having friends like you. Then Kagome came along. And I realized she improved everything. Didn't she?"

"She did. She made you less obnoxious, made me less of a pervert and Sango less violent- and that allowed us to finally get together. Kagome improved us."

Inuyasha nodded, lost in memories, absentmindedly. Then he frowned.

"Now, I don't know how to fix it."

Miroku smiled and turned his eyes to the sky scrapers and bulky buildings, outside.

"Stop it, sometimes you seem so sure that you'll get her back, then there's times when you are certain she'll never forgive you. Inuyasha you need to know what you want. Are you brave enough to fight for her and fix her… besides you do know"

"I…I do?"

Turning quickly to his best friend the houshi narrowed his eyes.

"You have to tell her everything. Make things clear."

"That won't change a thing baka" the prince muttered, eyes averted, heart sunk to his stomach. Reality was such a thick lump on his throat. Miroku shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

"No it won't. But the only way to fix it is to give her different options than those she had before. Tell her what you want, let her choose." Inuyasha seemed to ponder his words deeply, as if they were hanging over him, silently seeping into his mind.

Even if she didn't want him anymore, even if she didn't grant him absolution, he'd still want to be by her. To protect her, even if she rejected that protection, or if it were a silent one. He didn't mind. He just needed to make her always safe and happy. Like she had done to him.

A soft smile broke his lips, and a little weight was rid from his shoulders.

"Thanks"

"Hurry up"

* * *

Balled against a corner of her darkened room, she shivered and tightened her position, trying hard not to cry.

"_My dear little innocent…"_

The voice assaulted her mind again, in a hushed almost unlistenable sound. Looking around with frightened eyes she recoiled harsher and trembled. This voice chilled her to the bone; she could sense the darkness within the voice and consequently herself.

That was the worse. She was sure she was hearing it, but as much as she looked, there was no one there… and the dark icy feeling of it came from inside her. Tears began to fall down her creamy pale cheeks.

Her body shook and she suppressed a sob- she felt to unprotected…

"_But dear innocent… didn't someone once told you that you'd always be protected…?" _How could a voice know Inuyasha's long spoken words? Was it a product of her twisted mind? No. No! she felt it! Shuddering she drew a large intake of hair.

Momma and jii-chan were talking to the police, clearing her situation, and Souta was downstairs too, playing his videogames. They thought she was resting, they thought she was asleep. After the long bath she'd had, she had tried to sleep yes.

But again Shunran's illusions had begun to fill her mind. Trying with all her might to expel them from her head, she did it. For two seconds. Then this strange and wicked voice had begun tormenting her with such an icy sultry low tone that she'd to strain to hear the words. Constantly doubting if she was going crazy and hearing voices, if she was going blind and couldn't see its owner… she felt like pulling her own hair.

She didn't want to bother them, they had been so happy to have her home. Neither jii-chan nor Souta had managed to speak to her more than the typical _we're so happy you are ok _when in the hospital.

Souta had wanted to play a new videogame with her, Jii-chan had wanted to tell her all about recent events in the shrine, and how a bunch of foreigners had made a mess the other day. But mama shushed them all with soothing and kind words, indicating Kagome the way to her room. Then she'd hugger her precious thought lost daughter and smiled kindly.

"_Isn't that the perfect family my dearest…"_

Shrieking with fright she tried to stand up and run from the dark of the room, from that corner that was suddenly too little for her.

There was a dark chuckle in her head and she shuddered as a cold foreboding settled in the back of her throat, like thick saliva that she tried to swallow but couldn't. Maybe if she listened to some music…

"_Nothing will down my words, my sweet innocent. I'll keep you company…"_

Gulping she receded only to fall in a lump against the dark corner of her bedroom again. Clutching one of his shirts, a royal blue one close to her body and trying to smell his scent she tried to remember the feeling she always got when someone would look in a strange way to her and he'd project all his body to the front of hers and discouraged whomever that may have been to look at her twice. Sometimes, Inuyasha was safety and protection too.

"_Was he dearest? He let you suffer one too many…"_

But how could he protect her from her thought, which seemed focused in provoking chaos in her head.

Maybe this schizophrenic paraphernalia was a consequence of Shunran's spell in her mind. Leaving her open and unprotected like that. Maybe the spell still remained. Granted she wasn't asleep for eternity anymore. But she couldn't even sleep now, constantly invaded by dark images and forgotten memories, which'd already, played again and again in her mind. There was a set that always repeated, as if the evil doer had thought all about it, and now replayed those in her mind every time she closed her eyes, so that she could also recall the images when the miko had the grey blue eyes opened.

Shivering and sweating she wondered if she was indeed Schizophrenic, and then dismissed it. After all if she could still think it then she wasn't completely out of her mind. Right?

What then? Was she delusional? She felt hot, and she was sweating. But how would she be sick? Why? Thinking about it, she hadn't eaten since she'd gone to Ota and lunched with Jinenji-kun. And lunch time was still in a couple of hours. Maybe she was delusional, and the hunger increased her imagination.

But how could she feel that loose end of the dark tendril moving within her that spread ice through her? was _that_ making her sick? Pulling her knees tightly to her chest she again breathed largely and slowly released it, hugging her knees, then dropping her forehead to them and pulling her messy bangs back, elbows clamped on her knees, securing the balling position.

How could she feel it? Was it because she was a miko?

Anyway, if it was because of that she couldn't really take great conclusions… After all, she hadn't known until yesterday…

"_How could you have not known dearest, the power sizzles around you, it's delicious."_

Shrieking again she tightened her hold of herself and raspy, she begged the stark dark air.

"Please- stop."

There was no answer this time, but she was sure it had heard her. wiping her eyes furiously she tried to rationalize. She'd never been good at it.

What would she do about this? She couldn't sleep it off, who would she tell? She didn't even want to tell anyone, hurry, and another burden.

She should just… gulping down at the feeling of cold dark ice in her veins… she should just deal with it.

She waited a few minutes more in silence, in fear, trying to hide from the frightening dark, trying to empty her in. And although she didn't heard her sound in those minutes, she had an awkward feeling that her trying to expel _that _from her head had nothing to do with the fact that it was now silent.

Not able to forget that fear of the dark, she continued curled in the corner, her hands in her large royal blue shirt, smelling his masculine earthy and slightly maritime scent.

It never faded from his clothes.

She missed him. After all that she'd gone thought to get away from him, already she missed his kisses and soft touches and his grimaces of pleasure, and their walks and when they went out to dinner or to dance, when he was feeling joyful and confident. There had been some time since he'd taken her to do those things, indicating it had been a while since he'd felt so good that way.

But… they hadn't thought yet. She should return to the hospital where he'd wake up any moment now.

What would they say to each other?

Sango had told her he'd suffered a lot when he'd thought she was either dead or that she'd run away. Well she'd indeed run away…. But that wasn't the point. Sango words…

"_He burned himself and he clawed at himself and he _chewed _himself__…"_

Those words hammered her brain, continuously. As if mocking her. So he had hurt himself… fighting against the diamond room and Roku's sutras restraining.

But why? Because she was his property? That was why he'd been so pissed?

No. She had seen in his eyes before that hateful ice spear pierced his flash nor hate nor possession.

She'd seen relief and happiness and adoration.

Could she be wrong?

What could she possibly think? She was thankful he'd saved her, although he had almost gotten himself killed. – That would hurt far worse than any wound.

What would he say?

"_He'll lie my little one. He'll lie to replace you with that filthy slut with you, like he always does. He'll summon you and try to woo you, only to lock you down to him forever…"_

"He won't! I know how to handle us!"

Foolishly she promptly replied in ire, but then an angsty whimper fell from her lips as she once again looked around and understood that there was no one there. Letting her head fall heavily to the wall behind her she let the tears flow steadily.

This had to stop. How could she lunch with her family with a masculine frightening voice in her head?

Silence ensued again, adorned only with the noise of her fearful sobs, only to be broken by the shrill ring of her Nokia cell phone, which also brightened the display and lit the darkness.

The caller ID showed Sango was the disturber.

She wasn't going to pick it up and held the device to her eyes. The background a photo of her and Yasha bickering that Bankotsu had taken.

Tears swelled her eyes and she almost threw the vibrating gear against the wall, and when the voice rose again in her head, those tears fell.

"_Press green, sweetie"_

Shuddering and clamping down a sob with her moth over her mouth, she decided she'd accept the call only because her mind threatened to shatter at hearing that horrifying voice again.

"Mochi-mochi?"

_Fear of the dark, fear of the dark  
I have constant fear that something's  
always near  
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark  
I have a phobia that someone's  
always there_

_Fear of the Dark- Iron Maiden_


	9. Carnage

**IX- Carnage**

Warnings: Really dark, graphic gore and mentions of rape and mentions of character death.

_Oh you dark one_  
_Eternal outsider_  
_Caught in the spider's web you've spun_

____

Oh you blind one  
Gentle and kind one  
Seeing the world as a loaded gun

_Depeche Mode - The Darkest Star_

A lone figure stood in the middle of the wild night, her back against a large boulder. Kushigamine-yama in the Aomori prefecture, the northern mountains, was plagued by an icy dangerous storm. But that lone figure couldn't care less, after all the lack of rain, proved that the whole ordeal was her deed.

Tapping her large antique _tessen_ against her chin for a second she sulked with a pout on her red blood lips and furrowed her brows. As her crimson eyes lingered in the number of fragile looking houses perched on the mountain, not very far from where she stood fiddling with the feather buried in her elegant bunned glossy black hair.

Her black haori over her burgundy dress slapped in the violent wind, and although it was a strange combination adding to her bare feet, no one could discuss the acute perfection of the woman.

Killing the ookami clan was not her idea, clearly. She had no control in what her tessen killed. She could be Kagura, the wind sorceress, she was the _wind _herself, but there was no freedom in her empty chest – _He_ controlled everything about her.

Even when she got out of that repugnant hide out, under the earth, she was still chained to _his _will…And that was mainly why she was doing this without even complaining or giving it a second thought. As much as she wanted to get rid of that damn Naraku, she wanted even more to be in the open, feel the wind and see the sky. Or she'd die…And to die, she needed to die _free_.

Opening the fan that had been a part of her since she could remember, Kagura studied with half hooded crimson eyes the pattern of the cranes being eaten by dragons that adorned the silent lethal weapon. What an ominous design… Flicking it closed she tapped it again against her shoulder this time, wrinkling the perfect dark silk of her expensive haori where there were three small crests with a small red _kumo_.

Pulling the white long and somewhat puffy feather from her tight bun she threw it and waited for it to come back in the wind ten times bigger and wider, and although still fragile and weightless looking, she kneeled upon it and flew with it when the wind pushed forward and upwards.

Her eyes darkened as she hurled into the dark starless night, perched on the soft white feathery comfort, she observed the steel net surrounding the strange looking village. With such fragile looking houses, made of wood how could the inhabitants support the rigorous winters? Intently waiting she wanted to see if they were _okuri-ookami_ or _yama inu._ Would they lead her to their houses by opening their doors or would they be mangy dogs and run from her?

A sly smile, with a bitter edge to it tainted her performance as she descended to the gates that had been closed until two wolf demons entered the refuge and minutes later got out again. They're both scrawny and tall, they seemed fast too. Garbed in what it seemed to her some punks attire one had a blonde spiked Mohawk, and the other had the sides of his hair painted white while the middle was dark brown or black. They seemed like they had escaped the 80's from a time portal, but then again this territory was ever the secluded, there was only one big house in the wire surrounded village, all the others were the shabby looking hut like houses she'd seen before.

Clearing her throat, she descended right out of sight for the ookami youkai, but close enough, that with her back against the large boulder she could see them, talking and joking around, one grabbing the other for some puppy fight in the mud. She almost smiled, almost felt compassioned.

But she didn't, ignoring their puppy antics; she stayed put and heard their conversation. By Kami, this was below her, taking down the trash, flicking her wrist the _tessen_ snapped open in his antique glory.

"Koga sure is taking is time. I know the leader of the eastern mountains wants to marry him to Ayame but I doubt Kouga will want too… I mean, he's totally into Kagome-no-nee-chan, don't you think Ginta?" Stripy hair asked spiky.

The older looking rolled his eyes and his shoulder.

"Hey relax, we just got back from the mission, I'm glad Kagome-no-nee-chan is fine, Koga will be pleased. And don't worry about the boss; you know he can handle himself…"

_Oh, so the wolf leader also fancies Kikyo's look alike?_

Rising again in her feather she fluttered near the ground, her stance, as always, proud and aristocratic as she floated to the two demons that suddenly stopped their playing around to look at her wide eyes. Sophisticated beautifully dressed woman weren't common in the mountains, but her strange mixed scent, made their noses twitch as she landed directly in front of them, _tessen_ opened, an arrogant smirk in her whole demeanor.

"Greetings"

They both froze to the spot as she hid her mouth behind the _tessen._ Then it came down to rest in front of her chest, the sleeve of the silken black haori sliding back to reveal the creamy white skin of her wrist. Her skin grew to cruelty; no she didn't like to do everything Naraku demanded of her, but at least she got to escape the underground, and the mountains were awfully windy, and most of all, as she enjoyed her freedom, she could fool around with this stupid wolves. She was a youkai, and to use her abilities, her essence, to use the wind was in her nature, she couldn't deny it, nor did she want to.

What she needed to do she did. She'd follow Naraku, so that he wouldn't kill her, until she found someone, someone stronger that could beat him…and offer her protection… _freedom._

Spiky hair frowned and looked her over, quietly analyzing her, but Stripy her stepped forward and offered her a cocky smile… oh it was so much easier when they acted all cocky and full of themselves.

Glad that she could fool around for a little she came closer and swiftly and ever so softly drew her forefinger to slide down from jaw to his collar bone. Hakkaku threw his gaze to the lewd fingers waking shivers throughout his body.

"What can we do for you Sama?"

Kagura laughed girlishly and threw a controlling look at Ginta, the one with a blonde Mohawk to make sure he wouldn't try to make some frisky move. But he looked anxious, looking for something, his arms crossed and his Mohawk flying from right to left as he deftly looked for something in the darkness of the starless night, in the windy weather. Strangely he looked in the highest peaks, its whole structure rocky not permeating the birth of life.

The young wolf's brows furrowed as he looked harder into the night and sniffed. Kagura understood, finally, and the idea of leaving survivors for them to take the message to the Western Lord, as Naraku had ordered, came together. Deepening her expression into a sad demeanor, she told them in a sorrowful voice.

"Oh my… Is this the northern mountains wolf clan?"

"Sure is, ma'am."

Again stripy spoke to her, cocky and well intentioned.

"Is Kouga-sama the prince of this land?"

Mohawk eyed her, surprised by her knowing of such things. The wolf tribe was of minor importance. And she continued to appear too sophisticated to even think about some mountain clan, who most people were unaware of. The blonde male got to Hakkaku's side and frowned at her, also crossing his arms over his chest, trying to look intimidating. If it didn't blow her cover, she'd have laughed out loud.

"What's it to you?"

"Ginta…! Gomen nasai Sama… Ginta is…-"

Stripy hair raised his hands in begging forgiveness mode, but mohawked quickly slapped the back of his head, as she watched amused, one eyebrow lifted, ironically.

"What's it to you?"

Kagura registered a slight waver to his voice, his whole demeanor too stiff, revealing fear and anxiety. They were probably taking care of the village alone, waiting for Kouga, the prince of wolves, who it seemed, was due to come back from the eastern territory, sooner than she'd like. But her plan would solve everything. Holding back the sneer she wanted to offer them. Again darkening her features she drawled the words slowly, to make them believe her, to make them think she was … _sorrowful…_

Meanwhile Ginta stepped forward again, hiding his younger brother from sight and waiting an answer.

"Well, you see wolf, I was coming from the Eastern lands and on my way to Tokyo, and I was just arriving to Oirase streams when I found the wolf. He, himself, told me he'd gone to Togenokami-yama visiting the eastern lands-"

"There's no way Kouga would tell you all that!" Stripy, who had been so cocky and outspoken before, quickly had assumed a no-nonsense attitude crossing his arms and siding Mohawk.

Kagura recoiled a bit at first, surprised. Then an aggravated expression fell on her mask.

"And how else would I know this, you idiot?" her teeth grinded as she narrowed her dark red eyes at the idiotic wolves. _Come on, just fall for it already, and go away!_

"Hakkaku, take it easy." Stripy was stunned as he gaze fell to his right to the serious thoughtful wolf. "We should listen to her."

Kagura sighed inwardly. She hated to follow the script, if it were up to her, she'd have knock them both out, destroyed the wolf village, and then wait for Kouga to come, and then she'd put a name to his lost: Naraku. Well that name was also the reason why the whole ordeal wouldn't be happening so simply. Oh no- he wanted the wolves to deal with guilt by making them leave their posts protecting the village, to look for their "injured" prince causing the clan to be completely utterly helpless as they were slaughtered in their futons.

"Well I found him completely injured, and he asked me to get you and help him. You are Hakkaku and Ginta, right?" when the right information continued to reach their empowered ears, she saw them slowly relax and focus their attention on her. A cruel satisfaction licker her insides and she tried to ease the squirm of anticipation.

The mohawked made a sound of disapproval and after casting his eyes to the ground in deep thought, stripy seemed to understand him and swallowed, dark eyes returning a lingering gaze to the wind sorceress. She furrowed her brows and snapped her tessen closed and threw them a shrug as she prepared to make her way from there.

"Well, if you're not all that interested in helping your prince…"

When she had her back to them, a smirk was filled her crimson lips as she felt them tense against her wind. Plucking her motion-feather from the tight bun her glossy dark hair was in, Kagura waited a reaction. They're weak, and the information she was in possession of easily caught them off guard enough to make them believe her- besides, wolves were loyal. And the mountains clans especially dedicated their lives to their leaders. If Ginta and Hakkaku were Kouga's _friends, _they're sure to follow, even if only when they thought she wasn't seeing.

"Well, I have to go… Gotta make my way to Tokyo. Just remember he's really injured, and he's a really bitch about it too, kept complaining about spider youkai…"

Both wolf brothers watched the enticing vixen kneel on the wider drawn feather as she dove into the night and into the foliage. Immediately stripy looked alarmed at his older brother.

"What do we do now Ginta?" the one with the blonde Mohawk looked him over, then into the direction the wind bitch had taken and of the Oirase streams. The waver in Hakkaku's voice made the older roll his eyes and then focused them in the stripy head of his brother.

"Che! What can we do? We have to help Kouga, he's our boss, and besides, with the weather this night I doubt someone would even consider coming all the way up here… our pack is strong, we can leave for some time, I'm sure they can't take care of themselves… and if Kouga's injured…"

Hakkaku looked off into the distance between Kushigamine-yama and the Oirase streams, to the southeast, and sighed loudly. Ginta cringed and decided that his opinion should be heard, at least once, so that he could throw in a good "I told you so" later. He stepped forward and started walking to the woods.

"Onii-san, don't think this is such a good idea…" he gulped and met his brother's quizzical eyes, Hakkaku had stopped. "What if she was lying? I mean, if Kouga comes and doesn't find us here, he'll kill us!"

"Oh so now, you worry if she is devious or not? Come on Hakkaku get your scrawny ass moving… think about it- if its truth do you really want to leave Kouga there, hurt?"

Ginta's loyal strings tightened and he nodded to his brother.

"You're absolutely right Hakkaku" shaking his head he walked to his brother now chastising himself for having doubted Ginta. "Let's go Big Brother."

Behind a previously used boulder, her knees still joined in the feather that supported her know inches above the ground. A malicious smile filed her insides and painted her lips, an evil chuckle taking a hold out of her as she directed the feather upwards and into the sight of the net surrounded wooden village.

Those two fools thought these wolves could escape anything. Sure, wolf demons were strong, but how could they escape her Ryuujia no mai? Fujin no mai could leave survivors, but no minor demon had ever escaped Ryuujia no mai, and her task was to kill a bunch of sleepy yase ookami.

Wouldn't this be fun?

As her tessen snapped open and closed, the feather rose in the sky above the wires that surrounded her target, and she stopped the deadly weapon opened, the dragons in it coming alive for a second and swallowed a bloodied crane, she glowed and reveled in the sound of the gushes of wind pushing her, caressing her, egging her to release her dance.

The heavier fan cut the tornadoes in the sky as an evil cackle of her voice announced the Ryuujia no mai. Too late to get a reaction, the tornadoes devastated the weak houses, breached walls and broke them in half, while it ripped roofs, all disappearing in the tall spinning brutal tornadoes, as if they were eager hungry dragons taking satisfaction in this new meal.

As torn beaten and still alive bodies fell to the ground and other flew into the whirlwinds of her attack to join with their furniture and their walls and roofs. There were no opportunities to counter attack- it was positively impossible.

Kagura's whirlwinds stopped, faded to a gentle teasing breeze, as the life in the entire mountain wolves fell to the ground, rocks and pebbles, broken beds and fridges and joists and boards and chips of wood awaiting their falls, impaling them from back to belly, exposing intestine and stomachs, bubbles of blood accusing the wind sorceress.

They would suffer but not die- at least most of them- and there were still some alive. Fujin no mai would take care of this- even if Naraku would like to let them suffering and kill them only when they thought they'd survive. Because he was just an evil bastard like that.

As the cut in the air morph into blades of air the size and strength of an attack with the tessen and multiplied, heads were severed from the injured bodies, torsos laid open to expose battered insides, brains sowing the hard dry earth, offering food to the vultures.

And in the blink of an eye, a clan subjugated to the Inu no Taisho fell to annihilation. One Naraku expected to create impact.

The wind blew her back to her chains.

* * *

It was hours after the plan was executed when Kagura reached Tokyo. The feather was faster than any car and the path straight ahead, not submitted to any road, but it was still half Honshu away.

Stepping down the stairs of the earthy damp and underground hide out always gave her the chills. As she played with her tessen, tapping it in her shoulder, she waited. Inside his master room, Naraku was not alone. She could hear the grunts and moans of what she was sure, was not only pleasure but pain. Disgusted she idly wondered, as she leaned against the earthy wall, how someone could willingly fuck that monster.

Moments later the shoji doors opened in haste, a disgruntled Kikyo stepping out. One of her hands rose to her mouth as she wiped her mouth seemingly revolted, her body was covered in ripped clothes, slime of a tainted yellow marring them, her hair disheveled a slash on her collar bone and a split lip, the skin around her eye telling the evidences of punch well thrown.

Kagura sneered and looked to the open door that Kikyo had already left back when she started walking to leave the underfloor hideaway.

"You're such a disgusting whore."

A dark eye escaped from the straight and right trajectory that Kikyo's gaze always had, and focused on Kagura.

"You know nothing, wind bitch." Her face deadly serious, although her entire body showed evidence of a rough hard coupling, she waited for Kagura to spit it out.

"I know he'd disgusting and you willingly fuck him, I don't need to know anything further."

"Naraku cannot kill me. And he'll grant me all my wishes. Not that you would understand any of it- after all… just a free women gets to wish…"

Kagura's loins twisted as she glared heatedly into Kikyo's retreating form. As she opened her mouth again to lash out at such an impure woman, Kikyo's face became visible above her shoulder, as she stopped, illuminated by the light of torches burning in the stale air of the hideout, a smirk stretched her split lips. A chill ran through her veins as the miko mocked her.

"Go on then, Kagura. Naraku's waiting for you. Don't you think its rude making your father wait?"

* * *

Dawn broke with no little amount of fear for the raven haired miko.

Being in her family's shrine and in sacred soil did nothing to appease her.

As she laid there in her bed, as she closed her eyes and tried to slow her hyperventilation, as she tried to get rid of her clinging-with-perspiration sheets, as she tried to stifle her sobs and tears from flowing, most of all she tried to bury those images in her head that kept haunting her, kept penetrating her mind, scooting a corner for themselves in her brain…and _that voice_…

She had heard her in her dreams too, she was sure of it, although if asked, now she couldn't remember the details of it. But she knew it had a lewd tone to it, and that it was also mocking and plainly evil. She remembered her hair standing all over her body as her skin tightened with goose bumps and she woke up, breaking down.

The imagery did not belong to a dream- even if they weren't true. No. They're too real.

First it was just the two of them having a good time, their bodies slick against each other, gripping warm muscles, mouth on mouth one devoted other hungry, then they're in their college picnic walking beneath the sakura blossoms as they fell, her arms circling one of his stronger ones, as they walked in silence enjoying the feel and sight of the flowery snow. Then they were having an argument, one of the many that usually ended up with her pinned to the wall submitting to his dominance. Then they were there in dinners with her family, her hanyou's big mouth swallowing great amounts of her mother great cooking, and afterwards him playing videogames with Souta and making Buyo dance, or they were in the movies, as he complained about the movie, or they were simply hanging at lunch in the campus as he bitched about Rin's loud ass 'morning clock device'.

But those were real, yes. Those were some of the best memories she had from her time with Inuyasha. And throughout the night a cycle of these memories showing up in her head and warming up her heart only to be ripped apart by what she knew wasn't real kept popping and repeating, forcing her into breakdown.

And now on bed, she did her absolutely best to stop thinking of that voice.

_Why should you love him you idiot? Even if you're devoted to him, do you expect to be the sacrificial lamb the rest of your life?_

Then the images of his youkai body, forcing their claws in her entrails and pulling them out, pulling her heart out of her crushed ribs and placing it, still beating even though it had arteries and veins ripped open and squirting warm gushes of blood, to his lips licking it and then biting harshly enjoying the spongy flesh. And in the night, lost in the darkness of her nightmares she'd muffle the screams that both her unconscious body as her imaginary one could feel with his assault. The last image she'd see were those angry and oddly satisfied turquoise and red eyes, as they looked down at her, a smirk offered to her, drenched in her blood, pieces of decadent flesh stuck between his lengthened fangs.

In other situations she'd find him here, in her room. Somehow they'd end up together. She'd see them marrying, making love, honeymoon, and come back home. Then accompanying to those fancy events he's obligated to go to by Sesshomaru, at his side, being presented as Taisho Kagome, his princess. She'd imagine them being best friends, sharing smiles. And at the final stage only, she'd understand that she was old, wrinkled disgusting and he was young and perfect, and he'd always call her Kikyo. Why did that hurt far more than having a heart ripped out of your chest?

Where had her sanity gone?

She would often imagine herself lying in pools of blood and semen, foreigner strange hands roaming her skin, forcing her to do things she'd only done with him, to him. And he looked at it detached, ignoring her pleas for help. His nonchalance ripping her insides. It seemed cliché and a well worn expression, but damn it all if she didn't felt it truthfully.

She'd see Toran's spear through her sweet hanyou's chest as he coughed blood, some projected drops smearing her face, and when she looked to the wound again, it was her wrist through his warm bleeding flesh, the crushed end of the rib bones scratching and opening the skin of her fist and wrist. The thought of hurting him threw her off so much, even although all she'd dreamt about that, that she was sure, that in the dream she'd violently convulsed when she realized.

Idly and a tad bit crazily she took her hand to her chest and groped to make sure there wasn't a whole in her chest.

In the dark of her drawn curtains and closed blinds, she groaned buried in her pillow. After all this, after feeling like an absolutely crazy woman, with all this dreams and that god awful voice that made her dizzy and nauseated every time it resonated inside her head, the only thing she could think was how much she missed him, how worried she was about his injuries.

It was not normal, it was not rational! She had to suppress it, but as much as she tried she couldn't. But it made her feel like a lunatic.

Those feelings compared to the shattering of happy memories with such dreadful illusions and the fear of the things that voice kept whispering to her and of the voice itself, she had broke down in tears and shivers, uncontrollable sobs tearing at her chest.

Her body still quaky and sore from exhaustion she thought about the phone call that had ended the misery she'd felt while awakened, last night from Sango.

_Flashback_

_Her body quivering from the strain she had just put it through to pick up the phone and press green conditioned her wavering voice as she slowly whispered, afraid to unleash that scary voice inside her she tried her best to keep her mind empty. It proved to be impossible. But as long as she was at the phone, she wasn't interrupted._

_Sango's voice called her out of her trance. _

"_Kagome?"_

"_S-Sango…Sango. Is everything alright?" her back and head fell against the wall, the phone in a slack grip in her hand near her hear, she threw an unfocused glazed over gaze to a corner of the ceiling. Anxiety clogged her throat when she thought and felt painfully in her chest that something could have happened to Inuyasha…"Is Inuyasha alright, Sango?"_

_Without her knowledge, Sango opened a sad smile._

"_Yes Kags. Inuyasha woke up a while ago. The doctor was happy that he threw up the icy poison. He said you helped him."_

"_He's okay?" a muffled sob was suppressed by her hand. A surge of relief so big that engulfed her insides from toe to hair line made her feel hot and squishy inside. Joyful tears made their way down her cheeks. These feelings felt foreign amidst all the chaos. But she was _so, so_ happy he was ok…_

"_Yeah Kags, he's okay. He'll be returning to his duties in two days and to University in a week or so."_

"_I'm glad" Came the muffled, sincere answer._

"_I know. He went crazy again though…"_

"_Wh-What?" she breathed. Hadn't Sango just said he was ok? Damn Sango for being vague and Inuyasha for making her worry so._

"_When he thought you had ran away again…"_

"_Sango!"_

"_I'm sorry… It's just that… Kagome you know I love you… but he's like a brother too me…And seeing him lose it each time you're not around is kinda… troubling. He really needs you right now…"_

"_Don't you think I deserve not to be pressured?" she asked thickly, anxiety and anger bubbling inside of her. But the thought of him needing her as much as she had for the last two years of life, selfishly made her heart ache and long for him, even if the feeling Sango claimed as his, was no more than temporary._

"_Look Kagome, I know, alright?" a heavy sigh was uttered by Sango and she took a deep breath readying herself to hear what the taijyia was going to say. "But I think that in order for him to fully recover he needs you here."_

"_The hospital?"_

"_Not really…You see Sesshomaru came and got him because he'll have a council meeting and…"_

"_Oh hell no! Do you seriously expect me to go to the shiro?"_

"_Actually I was hoping you spent the week."_

"_Sango… are you crazy? Did nothing of what I told you today matters to you? I can't be near Inuyasha, or else will return to what it was…I can't stand it any longer San-"_

"_Will you calm down?" Silence ensued and Sango heaved another deep sigh. "Kagome can you trust me?"_

_The raven haired forsaken to a corner woman sighed and trembled, searching inside her battered heart. Yes Sango was trustworthy… Earlier she'd trusted Sango and exposed her feelings to her. She remembered thinking that she was done doing things alone, bearing things alone, because that had never gone right… Why was she so unwilling to share this new burden with the slayer? Maybe because she was sick of being a burden, herself. Nonetheless, she could never deny trust to Sango._

"_Yes I can trust __**you**__"_

"_Then please Kagome believe in me when I say, nothing's ever going to be the same… I know it's hard… but try to do this. As I told you before, I know you're confused, but I think Yasha can help you sort things out."_

_A Pregnant pause cut through motion as silence filled the new miko with numbness. Sango deserved. And if Yash needed her… just the thought of it already tugged her mouth and heart to yes…But at what pretext would she appear in the great mansion? Closing her eyes, her mind filled with this new trouble, for moments forgetting the terrible imaged she'd seen when she'd tried to sleep and that god awful voice… _

"_You think Sesshomaru-sama would lend me his scrolls? I know there must be some Shinto material in it."_

_She could almost hear Sango crinkle her nose._

"_Yash will probably rip a yes out of him."_

_Kagome smiled._

"_I don't have a car."_

"_Two moon sergeants tomorrow at your door at eleven o' clock._

_End of flashback_

She hadn't counted on her break down. After that infuriating, relieving and anxiety inducing conversation, she had felt right in her mattress and fell asleep immediately to find herself immerged in darkness and dreadful nightmares. And now she felt nothing but a quavering mass of tears and sorrow. Her dark grey eyes rested on the alarm clock near her bed, blinking the number '10:17' to her- she should get dressed.

Wouldn't it be nice to Yasha's friend? Even if she eternally longed for him like a woman had never wanted a man, so deeply and maddeningly… Right now her priority was for him to get better; she just needed to know he was alright, that he'd stay alright.

Her altruistic thoughts made a light shine within her chest that she wasn't even aware of. She merely breathed slowly and closed her eyes gathering courage as she thought in how much she wanted Yasha to heal.

Away from where she was, under the ground, a raged growl filled the earthy ground, as crimson awareness was expelled from the pure brain of a miko deeply concerned with her beloved.

* * *

Even though Mayu-san had almost thrown a fit when he'd gone for a walk after his breakfast, Inuyasha lingered in a sturdy branch of one of the sakura trees in the rich elaborate garden that once his mother had estimated so much and that his father had offered her. In the distance he could hear the Zen pond running, the youkai koromo and sanke koi jumping delighted in the air spreading droplets of crystalline water in the sunny air as they exposed their whiskers.

Still feeling weak he always relished in the late snow of the winter, even if in a month or so it would turn into droplets of the fading season. Thawing had always been his least favorite thing in spring. Besides Mayu-san had made him grudgingly accept a Hi-Nezumi blanket that he must admit feel rather good wrapped around his heated skin, even if he didn't felt the cold as humans, he wasn't immune to it, and hi-Nezumi remembered him of his happier younger years.

And perched on that sturdy branch of the naked sakura tree, he waited for her with no foliage to hide him. He was done hiding anyway; she'd finally get what she'd bargained for, the whole package. Problem was, did she still want it? If he wanted her back, if he wanted to deserve absolution, he'd to believe in himself. He'd to believe he could give to her what she wanted, and he knew he could, if he let Kagome in completely she'd finally erase all of his demons. Problem, once again was, hadn't she gained some of her own by now? He'd feel so… inadequate trying to be comforting. All he'd ever known was take comfort not give…But for Kagome he could change it all. She was everything, his mate…

Had he even ever thought about having a mate? A wife, yes, plenty of times… but a mate? IT was a permanent, whole hearted compromise… They're lives would literally twirl and knit together. They'd be two halves of one unity… All those images that had breached his mind before, in the hospital returned, all possibilities, if he ever completed the bond. It was his most aching yearning desire. To make her his, sooth her and care for her openly, forever.

Gods he missed her. Was she coming? When then? Why hadn't Sango calling and telling him what she'd said? His stupid best friend hadn't let him hear the conversation, asking for help to Mayu-san, who gave him a dangerous look and sent him running to his room before she tugged on his ears.

His cell phone rumbled on his pocket and he fisted it inside it to bring it outside, one hand holding the mantle of gentle soft red fur.

"Monk"

"Hey Yash, we're coming your direction, mind coming down?"

"Keh"

The line went dead just as Inuyasha, already landed gracefully of the snowy ground stared at the violet eyes of his best friend, Sango besides him.

"Already climbing on trees Yasha?" her tone was teasing and his golden eyes fled from Miroku's to hers to held them, looking for an answer but she shrugged him and stretched, lazily, yawning. "You must be feeling really well then. I guess that a pity I asked Kagome to come and make sure you recovered fully… and to spend the week…" One of her closed eyes opened as she felt him tense in front of her. Her lips split in a smile as his shone and his breathing became hard and ragged.

"What did she say?"

"She had only one condition, though I'm sure is more of an excuse to herself. She's pretty confuse right now and-"

"Damn t woman, just spit it out!" his tensed figured almost looming above hers as he tried to decipher her before she even explained whatever was going on. Miroku's seemed amused, leaning back against the harsh rough of the tree Inuyasha had been perched upon.

"She wants you to convince Sesshomaru to let her borrow any scroll he has about Shinto miko powers and so."

Inuyasha brows furrowed.

Sango frowned too.

"We discovered she was a miko when the panthers… well you know it right? She purified Toran's spear out of you and into oblivion."

He keh'ed and looked aside, something akin to hurt swirling in his eyes. Strong muscled arms crossed an equally strong chest as the mantle was still balanced in his shoulder and the tight grip of his clawed right hand.

"You didn't know of this?" Miroku's voice soft against his swiveling furry ears. Then he pinned them against his skull and roared lowly in distress.

"Of course I knew, I sensed it in her long time ago."

"Bu-But…"Sango seemed surprised, Miroku, not really. He too had spiritual powers and he too had known for some time, more like suspected. But he'd always guessed it was none of his business. "But she could have been trained, Inuyasha, she could've protected herself!"

His whole body flinched, cringed and tensed underneath the winter sun, ear pinned back tightly, mouth and brows in a frown, almost a grimace. Then he unleashed.

"I fucking know, ok? That was the idea! She didn't need to be trained because I was supposed to be there! I was supposed to protect her! Happy? And now she'll fucking train and wear herself out, because she doesn't believe I'll… "A sigh left his lips as he counted and tried to keep counting mentally to slowly ease off his anger and slide out of it. He wrapped the blanket completely against him, trying to keep his hands without shaking as badly as they were and started walking to his house. His two best friends following behind him subconsciously.

Before he took to the east wing where his chambers were, he whispered to Sango and Miroku who were always doing something here in his family house.

"Consider it done. She can have all the scrolls she wants to."

Sango nodded and smiled kindly, Miroku already lost in some library's section.

* * *

The hanyou sat cross legged in front of the open shoji door in the second storey that showed the entire expanse of the garden covered in snow and the great dark gates that led into the estate. He missed his simpler yet comfortable apartment in Shibuya, but he swore that he'd never set foot in it again unless it was with Kagome, unless they'd share it. And the shiro wasn't so bad; there were the gardens, the forest and the internal gardens that had once belonged to his mother's gifted hands. This house held his entire childhood memories.

It held mother and father, and a younger Sesshomaru, though not by much. He'd been so happy here, once. He'd felt so loved, countless times; as he strolled with his powerful father his chubby small hand in his powerful clawed and dangerous one. Or in mother's lap as she sang to him. But most important he'd had Miroku and Sango. Idly, before his eyes the blurry figures of three chubby children running around and catching sakura petals in their tongues assaulted him.

Then mother and father had died. Sesshomaru had turned bitter during Inuyasha's early teenage years and almost till his marriage with Rin.

A sigh left his heavy chest and he fingered the fire rat blanket over his shoulders. Tomorrow he'd be forced to go to that damned meeting, and he'd have to proclaim in front of all those youkai that he wished to mark her, that he wished to mate her. That wasn't exactly the problem- problem was, he still had no idea of how she'd react to this, of what she wanted to do about their… _relationship…_

Closing his eyes he tried to sooth himself recalling her voice uttering those soft three sincere little words that had always left him on edge before, insecure, irritated for such a strong beautiful feeling being directed to him when he was nothing but_ unworthy…_

"I love you too Kagome…" Golden eyes continued fixated in the gates, quaking, and waiting for them to be opened any time now, since Sango had already informed him that Kagome had been picked up some time ago.

He sincerely hoped no stupid ambassador tried to get between him and his intended. Silver hair slid down to the floor of the balcony as his head came to rest on the shoji door. Winter was waning already and he could only hope that with the thawing and the beginning of spring a new beginning in his own life would come. Downy ears swiveled back and forth atop his head, catching every little natural sound. In his head an anguished cry pounded, questioning him.

Was he strong enough to accept rejection, deal with it and continue by her side? Kagome had been, more than once. And she had never stopped trying…

Was he strong enough to admit in a room full of youkai that he was officially out of market for their daughters and pack mates, that their doors to royalty were closed, because he'd found in a ningen simple human, a powerful mate, and one that had been designed by the gods for him. One who could fulfill him and complete him? He wanted to be. He had to be.

But he didn't think he could bear it if she said no… was this how she felt every day in the past two years? Constantly trying to decipher her head and heart, giving herself some stupid pep talk to make herself believe that she should keep trying. Well, it had worked…

A scentless piece of fabric made its way to his nose, in his clawed, hidden hand. He always tried to smell her in the battered wife beater that had belonged to her in the last time she had belonged to him. The way he'd treated her that night… again it was the only way he knew how to maintain dominance over her, and maintain her, per se by his side. As long as she was under him, as long as he controlled her, she'd be there for him to him, _his_…

The fabric did not exude Kagome's scent anymore. Not it smelled of desperation and tears- his own. But to him, it was sill her, reflecting her absence in his life. Those images from the hospital had kept hammering his head.

Constantly he was assaulted by images of them, in his bed in the apartment. Waking up with her, spooned against his chest, his hand caressing a heavy stomach. His child growing inside of her.

Prickles of tears incinerating his golden eyes, as he thought that he could already have all that, he now realized, he really wanted, if it weren't for his fears ad his insecurities, and the knowledge that Kagome was so _right, perfect, ideal _that he had hid behind an imagined and forged feeling for Kikyo… Not to say that he didn't like her then, but that obsession to always run to her was always to prove himself and Kagome that he was out of the control that Kagome subconsciously forced him under.

Abruptly he was interrupted when the great gates gained a new visitor. A sleek black car with tinted windows stopped in front of it. The front doors opened to reveal two dog demons. Dark hair sleeking down their shoulders, sensitive eyes covered in discreet shades, an ear piece in one ear. One of them rushed to the back door to open it swiftly, offering a hand to the back seat occupant.

Her scent slapped him. Somehow beneath the smell of confusion and sadness, desperation a tears, that aroma was too … _too Kagome,_ to resist. He found himself in the ground, fire rat still in his shoulders, boots digging in the snow and trying to stop his heart to carve a hole in his ribcage or escape through his mouth, the lump in his throat impossible to swallow.

One slim elegant hand, trembling accepted a strong clawed one and slim toned legs in jeans came out to rise in the beautiful figure of his mate to be.

As gold met dark grey, her face tired and somewhat withdrawn, all he could see was the perfection of her, how even now in the distance, when she was but a blotch, he could see her every curve was to fit his hands, and his body. How they fit to each other… She held his gaze for two seconds before avoiding his gaze and look surprised at the two inu youkai who lowered themselves to a very low bow. Through the front door Mayu-san and some servant girls exited to come meet her, as the electronic gates opened. But he never swerved his eyes from her.

She, entering this domain… his family domain, the wind blew harshly and her black tresses flew wildly around her tired yet beautiful face, his scent carried to his nose, making him shiver…

_Kagome, it's time to make amends…_

_

* * *

_

_I stop and I stare too much  
Afraid that I care too much  
And I hardly dare to touch  
For fear that the spell may be broken  
When I need a drug in me  
And it brings out the thug in me  
Feel something tugging me  
Then I want the real thing not tokens_

Things you'd expect to be  
Having effect on me  
Pass undetectedly  
But everyone knows what has got me  
Takes me completely  
Touches me sweetly  
Reaches so deeply  
I know that nothing can stop me

_Depeche mode- Sweetest Perfection_

AN: This chapter was absolutely exhausting… And if I must say so myself, completely useless. What I wanted to happen needed an intro, but it just grew out of proportion, or maybe I hadn't thought it right. Whatever. Next chapter Kikyo and Kouga make and appearance! Hope you enjoyed, and if you did please do review.


	10. Wicked Thaw

A/N: I know I've mentioned somewhere in another chapter that this occurs in December, and I even, mistakenly so, have mentioned autumn. When I edit the chapters I'll get it right, but just so you know, this is the middle of the month of March.

**Question for you, dear fan**:** Do you think this fanfics is worth putting in the horror category? I've been receiving some warnings…**

**Suggestion for you, dear fan: seeing that the net chapter will have a council meeting and since when I see my traffic I get all excited about foreigner people reading my work, I'd like to ask you to give me suggestions about topics of interests, hobbies and any country-related, like cultural events, historical events, holidays, sports, even some words that my ambassadors can use. Even if there isn't an ambassador specifically from your country, just suggest it anyway and I'll try to make it fit.**

Translations:

Haiguusha- spouse, husband or wife.

Mou- Interjection, equals the regular "geez!"

Maitta- Interjection, something like, "forget it", or "I give up", "this is too much for me"

Tansu- a traditional Japanese chest of drawers of the Meiji and Taisho period.

Chichi-ue- chichi is a very formal word for father, ue is an archaic honorific f great respect, used to someone above another.

Bleh! too much talk, on with the story:

* * *

**X -Wicked Thaw**

To the Thawing Wind

_Give the buried flower a dream;_

_make the settled snowbank steam;_

_Find the brown beneath the white;_

_But whate'er you do tonight,_

_bath my window, make it flow,_

_Melt it as the ice will go;_

_Melt the glass and leave the sticks_

_Like a hermit's crucifix;_

_,,,_

_(excerpt)_

By Robert Frost

* * *

Before_: One slim elegant hand, trembling accepted a strong clawed one and slim toned legs in jeans came out to rise in the beautiful figure of his mate to be._

_As gold met dark grey, her face tired and somewhat withdrawn, all he could see was the perfection of her, how even now in the distance, when she was but a blotch, he could see her every curve was to fit his hands, and his body. How they fit to each other… She held his gaze for two seconds before avoiding his gaze and look surprised at the two inu youkai who lowered themselves to a very low bow. Through the front door Mayu-san and some servant girls exited to come meet her, as the electronic gates opened. But he never swerved his eyes from her._

_She, entering this domain… his family domain, the wind blew harshly and her black tresses flew wildly around her tired yet beautiful face, his scent carried to his nose, making him shiver…_

Kagome, it's time to make amends…

* * *

**Wicked Thaw**

The morning after Kagome's arrival was announced with the beginning of spring.

Diminished icicles, still attached to the nude arms of sakura trees, spit to the floor droplets water warmer to the touch then the ice cold they're made of, matching the warmer weather that had settled, ever since the sun had risen and lit the Taisho Tokyo estate. The snow on the ground, though still existent, became slimier and wetter and where it mixed with the earth it made a gruesome spectacle of mud and slimy grass. Of course that this was unavoidable in the greenery of the woods and vast fields, but in the long smooth path from the great gates to the main door of the manor were already clean of any snow of frozen water whatsoever. The manor and the land were still engulfed in a very silent perfection, there were still no sounds but the early servants already scurrying off to make breakfast, and diligently making last time cleanings, preparing supplies for a very important lunch the day after that with the ambassadors and the lords of the Western Lands.

The low sounds of easy chattering in the kitchens of the manor ran from the return of Master Inuyasha to the new arrival.

Nobody in Youkai high society could say Inuyasha wasn't the best part, seeing Sesshomaru himself was already taken (to great dismay of the finest, most beautiful court ladies). Now Inuyasha was the highest catch- the heir to the western lands, since Lord Sesshomaru and Rin had yet to produce one, rich like hell due to owning half of Taisho inc. Not to mention he was irrevocably handsome, and a very, very strong male, one who had already proved himself time and time again by defeating full demons who should supposedly be so much stronger than him, since he was a 16 year old.

But if Inuyasha was popular among the high society, he was even more so among his younger servants. Mayu-san always found two or three girls, both human and youkai, running with some of his clothes, smelling them, sighing exasperatedly with a dreamy look. Whenever he was nice to someone and offered them a smile – which wasn't that much rare seeing while not social, he was far more so than Sesshomaru- They'd swoon, inflate and almost explode. Then they'd fight each other for his affections. The perspective of having the place of second lady of the West attracted them.

But now…

They'd known when he'd been on lockdown in the underground diamond room, the containment room, meant for powerful demons. Several had hissed at Miroku's arrival.

Eventually, one of them had heard Mayu-san speaking to the old cook or with her mate about the matter, seeing she'd deserved of her older lord to know why he was locking his younger brother and installing a barrier of powerful ofuda-induced reiki. And the news that Lord Inuyasha had found himself a mate had ran the house. in a heartbeat.

Thus, that morning, the younger servants, the ones in love with their young master had sharpened their tongue in Kagome, the beautiful young woman that had arrived.

They commented on how she'd yet to speak a world to master, at least that they knew. They commented on how she'd only spoken to Sesshomaru-sama and Sango-san all day and had skipped dinner. They deemed her unworthy of him.

If they only knew…

* * *

The whole second level was quiet, since it was the room ward. In one of the best rooms of the West wing, a very sensitive nose twitched. Rising his half-clad body from the delightful company of his mate's body he tried to open his eyes, squinting them instead as the lord of the West realized what the scent was.

Defrosting, water, mud, greenery - Spring.

_Thaw…_

Messy.

Displeased, Sesshomaru couldn't help but to twitch his nose again, frown and rise from his very warm and appealing bed. His dark blue silken pants made no swishing sounds as he pushed the curtains aside and moved to open the balcony doors and behold his less favorite phase of spring. Then, as if awareness was slapped into his mind, his hand stopped. Not a moment later, Rin's sleepy voice made his lips almost twitch in a smile. Her usual connected voice in public, was gone behind the safety of their walls, as was his coldness. Most of it.

"_Haiguusha"_

His lips split in a grin that wasn't long and remained until she threw her arm back groping, until finding the switch in order to turn on the lamp in her nightstand. When the yellowish light lit only the space above the nightstand and Rin's side of bed, her weary eyes found his very concerned golden orbs.

"What are you doing?"

"Thaw has begun. Spring will be here in no time."

She opened a splendid, fantastic smile and hurried to leave the warm sheets and bed of their bed to meet him at the balcony doors. However hurried and distracted she stopped only when she collided with the somehow warm chiseled pale chest of her husband.

"Oof"

"Indeed"

His smirk made her frown and she snapped his jaws at him, trying to escape the hold he'd on her biceps. One of his perfect brows rose in amusement.

"Are you trying to escape this Sesshomaru, my lady?"

"Yeah…kinda am. I want to see the snow melt!"

Her childish antics made him truly smile and lower his face to her, whitish silver strands shielding them from the outside as his lips captured hers in a very slow, tender kiss. She kissed him back immediately. Any show of affection from him, though not as rare as most would think, was not vulgar, common per se. She grasped them all like a lifeline. Because to her it was still surreal that he was here, that he'd chosen her.

When his lips extricated from hers, she shivered because he did not abandon his caresses instead bending further to give an affectionate nuzzle and a lick to her mating mark situated just above her collar bone.

"You want to see the snow melt." It was barely an affirmation, much less a question. And when she sighed and nodded yes to that statement he stepped back and turned his back on her, entering the double doors of their joined closet. Returning shortly after with a very warm and fluffy white fur…Rin giggled and ran to Mokomoko-sama petting it, like a child.

"Wrap Mokomoko-sama around…you." His words finished without his eyes on her. Finally she understood his actions, as she looked down and saw her own lithe pale body enveloped in an empire waist long nightgown. Mokomoko-sama wrapped itself around her willingly, covering her skin completely. Her upper body now completely wrapped in white fluff as she giggled every time the long fur tickled her under her nose or behind her ear. Stepping towards her again, her husband took the long expanse of her black long hair and pulled it out of the furry confines, planting a soft kiss against her brow, to then pull her to the now open balcony doors. She hadn't even noticed he'd opened those.

The chilly morning hair seemed ineffective on his only half clad body. There was no breeze, just a stagnant ice cold air. But she could see the icicles on the tree branches melting and dripping droplets of defrosted water. The snow seemed shinier, and she could sense from here, that it was softer and slicker. In some places in the grass there were patches of dark brown mud or new born grass. Rin smiled.

"I love the thaw."

"I know."

"You hate it, you think it's messy." Her eyes never left the expanse of land in front of her, not seeing the marvelous sakura trees (now naked) entry, but the side of the manor that led to the forest. He'd never confided her that he didn't like the thaw, especially because she'd said before that she liked it. He wondered how she knew that, but quickly dismissed it as her next question woke him.

"We didn't have time to speak about it, yesterday. What did Kagome said?"

Sesshomaru sighed heavily, something people would never see as he encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her fur clad body to his naked chest. His chin came to rest above her head.

"Inuyasha convinced me to lend her some scrolls. She came to ask if it was really okay. I said yes of course."

"Of course."

"Everything to make her stay here, near my brother." He gulped and waited for her nod, her hands snaking out of the tight warm circles of Mokomoko-sama to grip is. "She said she was tired and that she wanted to rest and begin exploring some scrolls. She wants to train her miko powers."

This time it was Rin, who sighed pitifully.

"Inuyasha is not gonna like it."

"Inuyasha will not say a word about it. Did you not see him at dinner? He didn't say a word about her not being there but he was in a less sour mood."

"I thought he was distracted."

"He was trying to sniff her out." His shrug at that made her smile, and she snuggled deeper in his chest and embrace.

"Do you think he can fix it? Her?"

"Yes, I think so. In a way, she is much like Inuyasha's mother. Ever the forgiving one… Chichi-ue tried to treat her like and inu youkai bitch and found himself in the… how do you say? ...ah! In the dog house. However ironic that might sound." She shook a little with a giggle. " But not only that, the Lady Izayoi never once condemned or told Chichi-ue about the ones who mocked her, or treat her badly because of her ningen condition. She just did so about the ones who harmed Inuyasha. She loved him in a way no inu bitch could ever love a child. I was jealous, because my own Lady Mother never treated me like that."

Rin cleared her throat, knowing this was a delicate and important subject for her mate. She squeezed his hands comfortingly and focused on their bond to make her aura sooth his youki. From his chest came a low rumble, as he relaxed a little against her.

"The Lady Izayoi sounds like a great woman."

"She was. Never once she told my father how I behaved around her. Convinced of my greatness, of my superiority above ningen, I mocked her, humiliated her and threatened her and her pup more times than I can count, I… I didn't acknowledge my brother until Father ordered me to so, But Izayoi-sama not once told Father, knowing I'd be severely punished. I think deep down she knew how I felt."

Turning in his arms, back to the nature, and heart to her dearest, she kissed his chin lovingly and then rested her head on his chest, nervous that he was sharing such important memories and feelings with her. No one would ever believe he did so. Accepting her warmth and support he relaxed a little more.

"And how _did_ you feel, beloved?"

He was silent for a great amount of time, and for some time his mate thought that he'd simply given up on telling her, relishing only in her soothing caress of his youki and in her support. Then he sighed and slackened his hold on her, his tawny orbs fixed in the horizon.

"I was angry because although I was the first born and the heir… Inuyasha was Father's child of love. Until I found you, I didn't understand why someone would risk having a half-breed. I was the arranged marriage child. Inuyasha was Father's mate child. And although I was a full demon, and I was more powerful than the hanyou, and although Father knew I once would be as powerful as him, he still loved Inuyasha more. Because he was born of love, and I was born of convenience."

She felt him twist and try to escape her hold in the mating bond but she gripped him painfully hard, and he froze. Her arms escaped Mokomoko-sama altogether and hugged his waist firmly to her.

"This is important." She mumbled. Then, sniffling the pain he shared with her, she steadied herself and raised her face to his withdrawn one. Wearing his most cold demeanor he tried to hold her penetrating dark gaze. But he failed and looked aside as her words registered, "you can tell me."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"It does… It does to me."

After another long pause, he resumed.

"When the Lady Izayoi died, Inuyasha and I were alone. And if… if I had been any different then… Maybe Inuyasha hadn't grown to be the bitter man he was until he found Kagome. And maybe if I had been…better, he wouldn't have run from what he felt for her. Now it's my chance to fix things with my flesh and blood."

In that moment, as in many similar, when he shared his feelings with her, she felt warmer, her heart swelling for him. She fell deeper and deeper in love every time he showed her; she was the only one he could not keep a secret from, she was the only one he _trusted _to tell something like this. Searching an upper opening to snake her arms through, she pulled his face to hers and kissed him sweetly, his hands once again tightening around her form.

"Inuyasha adores you. I don't think he kept any resentment."

"But I molded him into that defensive, bitter boy and then in a cruel man."

"Blame will not help you. Maybe you should speak to your brother. But for now, maybe it's best if we do our best for them to be together. I'm sure your Chichi-ue would be proud of you, love. You've acknowledged your past mistakes and I'm sure he and the Lady Izayoi have forgiven you."

Drawing her in closer he sighed and kiss the top of her head he nodded, unable to speak.

* * *

Kagome sat in the floor of her very large room in the Taisho estate.

Grey eyes surveyed a long scroll, the kanji in it perfectly designed. In the margin of the copy of an ancient article there was a drawing of a light yellow, orange red a brown sparrow perched on a dying bamboo.

She hadn't had a minute of rest yet. When given the choice between a western or Japanese room she'd chosen a Japanese one. Then, after talking with Sesshomaru-sama about the scrolls and her staying in the manor, which he assured her, was quite fine by him, she'd been led by Mayu-san, a forty or so year old looking inu youkai female to her room. She was the Housekeeper of all the Taisho residences, and Kagome had met her before when coming here with Inuyasha. She'd reprimand them, especially Inuyasha, for what she called the 'ruckus' they caused. When she'd gotten there and had finished appreciating the amazing paintings and murals on the walls and after Mayu-san had indicated a young girl of 'her trust', to be her personal maid, she left saying she had to go and resume her duties.

In her words and actions, Kagome deftly recognized some tenderness and sweetness towards hers, however her tone was brisk and severe, especially near the servant girl that had been assigned to her. That afternoon Kagome had sweetly asked the girl, Hiroto, to fetch her some of Sesshomaru-sama's private scrolls, (of course she wanted the copies). The girl had shaken and widened her eyes in such a way that Kagome, had had to laugh. Assuring her that she'd permission to do so, Hiroto flew of the room, being dismissed by her new mistress when she gave her the scrolls.

Alone, Kagome had spent the whole expanse of the day reading the scrolls about Shinto mythology, about legends and miko. It was the legends that bid her attention, and she found out many of the miko abilities she'd ever known about, even living in the temple. Truth was, nowadays, miko were only virgins in shrines. But in these scrolls, miko were important child, embodiment of the Kami, the most important symbols of Shintoism. And those were the true miko, she knew she had the power, and she knew very little people nowadays had it. But if she had it, then she wanted to train her powers.

Because she felt more violated each syllable that cursed voice spoke.

With all the spells and barriers around the estate to prevent jyaki, she'd thought that the thing inside her, deteriorating her mind, would be barred entrance. But no, it had kept nestling inside her, and she could feel the dark tendons, polluting her mind, planting thoughts, inside her, making its way inside her, corrupting her spirit and growing inside her, _occupying_ her…

But the voice surged less and less as she buried her focus in scrolls and old books that she'd also commissioned. Surprised she learned that many mikos in the Sengoku jidai had wore weapons and had been great warrior, such as Midoriko or Tsukiyomi. Some had been known to be great healers. Others had fallen and become Kuro mikos.

Only high in the night when she heard some shuffle behind her door, had her focused wavered. And locking her book, the exhausted young woman had fallen asleep in a minute.

The problem was, he'd found her in her every night, provoking chaotic nightmares in her, preventing her from sleeping.

This night, throughout the whole three hours she'd been asleep; her mind had somehow conjured images of Inuyasha and Kikyo together.

And these images of them together represented all she'd ever wanted for Inuyasha and herself. The cruelty in these dreams was that she was always behind Kikyo; her gruesome shadow cast upon Kagome's always shrinking form.

This nightmare painted in a surrealistic form, made an odd sense when she walked behind Kikyo, in her shadow, as Inuyasha told her every detail of how he worshipped her, how he loved her, blindly, how he loved her, his kisses sweet and gentle, his hand soft, holding hers in a walk in the setting sun. And she felt like somehow she was intruding, like she was seeing real memories of Inuyasha and Kikyo's relationship. But every time she tried to pry herself from her inches long distance of an unaware Kikyo, Inuyasha shot her a long suffering gaze, or an unwavering glare, and she stopped.

It was oddly metaphorical, but venomously truth, and her heart twisted and she felt like retch.

Instead she had woken up, panting, sweating and crying. And remembering those images as sharply as she remembered hearing _it's_ every word.

"_Look at them… You are but a selfish whore, little one. You try to tell yourself you give in so you can help Inuyasha… but these are all lies, you give in because you're desperate and you wouldn't mind being the second choice forever. Always the second one to a man who could never love you…always use you."_

Frantically and scared she'd bunched up her futon and buried her face in it, shaking with cold shivers up and down her spine. Her heart constricted painfully but it's words never abandoned her.

"_You are here now, in his house, because after you threw yourself of a bridge, he still looked for you, certainly pissed off to lose his toy. And you were blind enough to let the hope grow, my little innocent "_

Again she did her best to deny it shaking her head, pulling her legs up to her chest, balling her small figure and rocking back and forth, the tears running down her face. And she was so exhausted… Maybe the voice was truthful…But she and Yasha could be friends, only. It would be nice…

"_Oh, my silly little one. Don't you get it? Don't you understand what I showed you? He loves her, more than life; she is his whole world and all that matters to him. But she is cold and distant. Every time he goes to you, it's because he can't have her."_

No. No, they couldn't be friends. She didn't want to suffer. No. He'd never love her. He'd had two whole years to do so, and he'd always treated her so poorly, he'd always denied her emotional satisfaction, he'd always denied her of comfort and love. Nothing had changed. Nothing… This voice it was maybe her conscience, telling her what was so hard to accept.

Sobbing into the futon, she had cried harder and bit her own forearms, to muffle her screams of frustration.

Inside her a battle was raging, but she tried to suppress it, holding to the thoughts that that voice had planted deep in her head. Thought that'd allow her to suffer no more… to be able to move on…

"_Move on?" she _shrieked when she realized it had picked up on her thought_ "How have you been fucked so many times, subjected so many times to the dirtiness of your hanyou and still believe you can move on? He rotted you, ruined you for life. You can never be normal again. You're convicted to this. A life of loneliness, of loving that half-breed who will always despise you and use you to satisfy his needs. I pity you, my sweet…"_

"_Kukuku"_

That deep chuckle that had before chilled her bones made her sit on the futon hyperventilating, and drove her attention to how that now fading voice sounded angry with her. Why? What was this? Feeling those words flutter like a feather to settle in her heart she dismissed the feeling quickly not wanting to feel the burn of that voice when it landed in her torn heart, she evaded the feeling of a saw cutting her in half, and instead she felt it numbly, as if looking from outside. There was no pain only a cold numbness that rocked her being.

Quickly changing her garments she ran to the _kotatsu_ and forgot all about sleeping, at 5 am. To ignore the tentacles of darkness taking a hold out of her brain and fogging her heart, her reiki was very quiet, as it had been her whole life, and didn't fight it. Maybe she was destined for this suffering.

Now, in the wee morning, studying the scrolls, she took notes, even as she felt her insides disappearing and darkening. When the day came she lightened considerably, feeling less alone, as she'd never liked the night but instead calm joyful sunny days. Still, a deep open wound burned in her chest, and that voice had just rubbed it to redness and blood again. As the day carved its way in her mind, she felt the darkness dull away but remain there. Like her doubt.

There was a blankness deep within her that seem to grip all her deeper senses but on the surface her tears disappeared, her sobs subsided and she calmed down enough to study the copies of the scrolls remaining in the kotatsu. The morning was still ice cold, but she felt it in her aura- now that she was able to tune off the irritating youki off all the youkai in the manor- a change in the air had come. Yawning she closed her eyes until they wrinkle deeply on the sides and got to her feet stretching her arms above her head until she heard her joints pop, nicely.

Storing the Scrolls in a lacquer box where they'd come by Hiroto's hand and stashed it under the kotatsu turning off the electronic heater and heading for the bathroom inside her room bit outside the bedroom per se.

Pulling the rice paper door open, she entered in a smaller room, this time in a more western style with a small white leather loveseat a plush soft blue carpet, a TV on a cocktail table. In the pristine walls nothing hanged, it was a very small and balanced prelude room that had only one other door besides the entry. Running to her room again she fetched a towel and her bathing supplies, and back to the light blue door, she relished in the scalding water of her western bath as it pounded against her head and back.

Sighing heavily she tried to ease away the soreness and tension from her muscles but it proved to be impossible when she remembered her arrival a day prior. Golden eyes locked on hers; shining. That look that she thought was adoration swirling in its depths. His face completely twisted in amazement. Feeling a familiar darkness inside her battling the warmth that had settled in her chest, she painfully regretted thinking about the eyes she loved so deeply.

Leaning her forehead in the tiled wall, she suppressed a sob.

Being here in this house, so next to him, felt nice, good, _right_…  
But she was afraid… whenever the night came she felt the hate and the anger growing, polluting her. If she trained her miko powers, which was only possible here, with Sesshomaru-sama's ancient scrolls and books, she hoped to conquer this thing that was invading her… She knew it couldn't be good, how could someone be inside her mind? It had to use dark arts and be very powerful to be able to pass through all the defenses of the Taisho manor. Again it came to her mind as she lathered her long raved hair that she should tell someone, maybe Sango…

But Inuyasha had saved her from an hazardous foe so little time ago and had been so seriously injured (if not for his very strong youkai blood, he'd be dead certainly), and Sesshomaru-sama had already made his house and his personal scrolls available, did she really want to worry them more?

Sesshomaru-sama was the most important demon in Youkai society…in the _whole world._

Rin had her very important duties as first Lady of the West. And she didn't even knew her all that well to confide in her such things.

Miroku had his very important university studies and a post in the Western court as spiritual adviser. And she didn't want to burden him.

And then there was Sango, her best friend. She, Kagome was sure, could be trusted. But did she wanted to tell Sango such thing? Inuyasha was as good as her brother, especially since Kohaku-kun had died before her father did, so many years ago. She'd tell him, and she didn't want to.

Because the inu hanyou would surely want to know what the voice said…

No…no…_never! _Just the prospect of saying those things out loud, of admitting them, of hearing them in her voice, made them more real… he'd know her weaknesses, as if it wasn't enough…as if it wasn't enough that he'd brought her down so many times. Kneading her scalp she fisted her dark tresses and banged her head softly against the white tiles.

"Damn you! I'm sick of this…" Her voice sounded pathetic even to herself.

One whole day in that stupid room and all her thoughts even when scrolls with the possible future in front of her, even with that cursed, mocking voice shredding her at night… All her thoughts always strayed to Inuyasha.

Spinning the faucet closed the young woman got out of bath tub and grabbed a towel and rolled it around her wet body, frowning when she saw the small towel only covered some five inches of her thighs. Chastising herself for having such stupid and random thoughts, Kagome pinned her wet knotted and disheveled long hair with a wooden comb and toweled her body to get it rid of the irritating clear droplets of water running down the length of her curves. When finished she combed her hair but pinned it again.

Mechanically, like she'd done everything else, her bare feet took her to the knob of the door. Closing a hand around it, she numbly turned it and got out, the end of her hair tapping her back between her shoulder blades.

And her breath stopped.

* * *

He'd been bored out of his mind all night. All right so _boring_ wasn't exactly the word. Although he didn't have anything to do and had been hard pressed to stay in his futon, he couldn't have done something else even if he'd wanted…

"Fucking eclipse." His voice very low in the darkness of his room.

Eclipses were uncomfortable and tingly, And his had been completely unknown. During dinner he'd felt queasy and anxious knowing in his gut that something was not right, but when he'd caught her scent he'd immediately calmed down. Sesshomaru had shot him a knowing smile, Rin a questioning one. And he'd ignore them both to run back to his room.

As soon as he'd closed the door, he opened the shoji screen and peered at the very dark night sky. The moon was covered and rimmed by an ethereal halo. His hands shook as his claws shrunk, his eyes darkened, and his nose faltered, his hair bleeding from shiny white to dark onyx and his downy koinu ears descending to the side of his face, morphing into shell-like skin appendages.

His heart hurt immediately, throbbing painfully against his ribcage, his own feelings powered to a maximum, the hurt he'd been able to keep hidden within himself. Clutching his t-shirt above his chest tightly, he tried to suppress it and fight against it. His heart begun to beat faster, and he tried to breath slower since he was hyperventilating, because at that time he was only human, and has vulnerable as any other one. A heart attack would be no good if he still wanted to make amends with hid goddess…

But the lack of moon was a very painful experience. While in full youkai state his conscience disappeared to give way to possession, anger and hunger, in his human body, he always felt, vulnerable, weak, and his emotions were magnified. Thus all those youkai emotions, which, still painfully, he was able to keep, balanced in hanyou state, turned to self-loathe, a hatred so deep for himself that all his night, until the moon reappeared, his mind had been bombarded with suicidal thoughts. Thought of drowning in his own blood because the thought of the humiliating and demeaning treatment he'd given his beloved.

But because he could not feel the pull of the mating bond still to be printed upon her skin, being human, and his madness hadn't brought him to jump over the edge. Had it been a selenelion, with the sun still visible, he was sure he'd have grabbed Tetsusaiga, still sheathed, and buried it in his aching grieving flesh. Those the nights were the worst, his mind wavering between Youkai and ningen, never hanyou yet never one or another.

Sighing he had closed his eyes and waited for the end of the odd unpleasant eclipse. His breath labored and his eyes squeezed, he couldn't prevent the tears. One thought assaulting over and over…

_How disappointed would Mother be, if she ever saw what I became… what I did to Kagome…_

And more tears had ran down his cheeks. Then absentmindedly he'd wondered how he had forgotten about such an important event as a lunar eclipse. The lost of a full moon, otherwise was good. Being the night, when his youki was at his fullestand Kagome weren't a good combination. Not at all.

When he finally felt the stinging of his fangs, grown, his hair lighter and whitish again, his claws, returned and lengthened, his ears finally not muffled and rising to the crown of his head, and his whole body empowered, Inuyasha relished in the power of self-control. Roughly wiping his own tears, he breathed in the wet scent of Thaw.

Smiling, as he remembered his thoughts the day before, he got up from his futon, the cold prickling his bare chest and make him take a deep breath as he appreciated the spectacle he'd wished for before.

Thawing. The beginning of spring, the arrival new life… for him, he wished another chance… A chance to redeem his sins and attain Absolution. In his balcony he kneeled and heavily breathed that same scent, his forehead leaning on the railing. The Hi Nezumi blanket was splayed on the floor of the balcony from the day before and he deftly picked it up and brought it inside with him. Pulling a T-shirt from a drawer of his _tansu_, Inuyasha got out of his own room and crossed a prelude room, more westernized, much like the one Kagome had, but bigger, in shades of red and noticeably messier. Getting out and going through never ending hallways of his house the young inu hanyou intended to send someone to tidy up things a bit and prepare for his boring clothes for the meeting tomorrow after the even more boring lunch with the ambassadors. Then he intended to have some breakfast and find brother bastard so that he could update him on some events.

But he froze when crossing a pathway and found his nose at a dark mahogany door, as were all others in the house. Surprisingly, said sensitive nose was nuzzling the smooth wood affectionately, his hands petting it.

The scent of his intended reaching beneath the door, from the sides, from the keyhole to call him in.

When the unusual and missed scent of lilies, jasmine and sunshine finally settled in his mind and the initial shock was dispatched, was when the odor of salt and desperation, sweat and fear hit him. Heard an odd scratching sound which he identified as the scratch of a pen against paper. But nothing more.

And so, he waited.

And waited and waited, and he didn't knew how many hours he waited there, nose pressed against the warmed wood, eyes closed, relishing in the cleaning scent. Then the smell of tears and fear disappeared slowly, but the desperation had only diminished, remaining.

Still the hours run, and he stood there, not wavering and disregarding all his duties, to just be there and feel her from afar, but still close.

His inner youkai rumbled happily at having her close, but tried to influence him to barge in and demand of her that she'd cry no more tears, that she'd have no more fear and that she'd never ever feel desperate again, because he was here, and she couldn't feel abandoned or sad, because he was here and he was going to take care of her.

It was moments later when her scent was lost, that his demon made him snap from the love induced haze his feelings had provoked. Gladly he sighed when he understood it was merely the sound of a shower running that was drowning her fragrance.

Gulping he banged the door softly with his head and groaned, stifling the growing ache in his loins, in his chest, He felt like he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't , he struggled to do so, and foolishly he felt himself drowning without her scent now that he'd closely scented her again. And then damn it, the shower roused other memories. Her lithe sensitive and responsive body wrapped around his, squeezing the life and the seed out of him, her mouth searching in her usual dedication frenzy, gripping and kneading roughly the muscles of his back.

And her wails…

_Stop it. Stop it idiot!_

As he reprimanded his own thoughts he heard her, the water trying to mute her words.

"Damn you! I'm sick of this…"

"I know Kagome… I know…if you can just accept me by your side, gods baby I can't … "Unable to finish his useless whispered sentence, that no living soul but his, had heard and before he could control it he was reaching for the knob, turning it, entering the well lit, simple room.

He was going to take a step. Backwards or forwards he still didn't know. He tried to stay put though, tried to stay in the uncertainty limbo, not really wanting to risk and go to her, and definitely not being able to get out, afraid that his lungs would stop working again.

And before he could make a decision but the door of the bathroom opened.

And Kagome was there in all her glory, naked under the fluffy towel, her eyes cast down for a second, before rising to meet his, in a dark swirl of grey, her dark hair pinning in the top of her head by a wooden comb.

He couldn't breathe again, the words coming to a stop at the top of his throat, forming a lump and clogging it. She gasped and blinked.

"Inuyasha…" she murmured, one of her hands extending to him. Reaching for the wall behind him to support him against the onslaught that was her clean water loose scent. When he wavered and stepped back, eyes closing, as he tried for all he was worth not let the remnants of last night tears not cross his cheeks.

He only noticed how close she was, when her hand was already rising to his forehead, noticing how warm it was. He shuddered at her touch, his nose sniffling frantically in her direction. She frowned and tapped him on the nose, like one would do to a misbehaving dog.

"Stop sniffing me out. Are you alright? You're burning up. Sango said you were okay but maybe we should take you to-…"

She hadn't even realized how she was letting everything behind at the sight of a stumbling Inuyasha. Who was she kidding? Then the voice was right…as tendons of darkness made her brain hurt by squeezing it, she suppressed the flinch and admitted to herself. She'd be second choice; she'd be his mistress, his affair, his lover, his whore, his friend… just as long as she could be near him. She'd condemn herself to a life of suffering by seeing him move on if it was needed.

Grasping her hand he moved it away from his face, swallowing frantically, his complexion pale and his eyes half hooded and his body seemed drench of powers.

"N-No. I'm sorry…I" turning around he reached for the knob. But she didn't let him. Her arms, still warm and a little red from the shower encircled one bicep and she pulled him back.

_Please Kagome, let me go. I don't want to hurt you anymore, not ever again…_

But she persisted and pulled his hand away from the knob, pulling him to the room and pushing him to the loveseat, running to the bathroom to fetch a wet clothe.

Trying to stand up while she was in the bathroom, Inuyasha found himself unable to. The gods haunted him. He had the woman he loved in his house, in a room with him, and she was taking care of him… but… no! No! if he did something now, it would all remain to where it was before. He didn't want that, no! He'd to make sure she understood, he was hers, for eternity.

Even if she chose to reject him, he'd be eternally hers. Seeing her age and wither away would be the last years of his life. When she came back from the white door he tried to stand up but she frowned and glared at him, pushing him back to the couch. When she sat next to him, she thoroughly avoided his eyes, focusing on forehead and applying the wet, cold clothe to it. Her breasts just under his nose made his nose and cheeks redden.

If she only knew how much he wanted to reach out and lick that delightful collarbone. Instead he settled by taking one long deep breath.

"I've told you to stop sniffing me. I just bathed, I don't stink or anything, so quit it" her frown deepened and she patted his now clothed forehead. "How's that?"

"Feh." Snorting he turned his face to the right, ignoring her, and yet drinking, secretively, every drop of her essence.

"_Maitta_... Guess some things never change." Her reply punctuated by a small, sad smile. He wanted to reply, but his throat clogged again and he choked on his words. Reaching for him, concerned, Kagome petted his cheek and asked him again if he was alright. His eyes shone brightly and he tried to steel himself all over again. Regaining his self-control he was startled to death when he felt her soft elegant lithe hand snaking its way under the T-shirt. He almost jumped away from her, scrambling to the arm rest with a big dry gulp.

Inuyasha panted. The intimate, yet not, contact had made his skin flare. He Finally understood: each time he was near her, now that her disappearing had unraveled the mating bond, his blood, his youki, his heart, his very flesh called to him to take her, to bond her too, to make her, his. And she couldn't touch him like that! He could still feel the softness and warmth of her hand gliding over his heated flesh.

"_Mou_ Inuyasha! You're acting like I've never seen you without your shirt." Snorting she crossed her arms under her bountiful breasts, scarcely covered by the terry velour material of her towel and inched closer to him. Grasping his forearm she hauled him up from his half lying position supported by his elbows and stared him down. Gnawing at her lower lip in nervousness and releasing his limb she cleared her throat and asked.

"Can…Can I see your wound?"

"It's healed." He answered grumpily, not wanting to remember that whole chaotic series of events. Then she dropped the bomb in a sweet whisper.

"Please…?"

"K-Keh, fine!" throwing his arm back he pulled it off him by the back of the collar, a gesture which brought them back to several other encounters, that always led to him between his legs, purring or howling, making her scream broken versions of his name. When his bare chest was discovered there was no time to feel lust slither down her veins, when she saw the 3 inch long scar in his right breast, the skin there pinker than his golden complexion.

Touching it without noticing the shudder that coursed down his lower loins, she seemed transfixed. After some seconds of touching it attentively, her eyes turned its grey hues to clash with his and she frowned again. Neither had noticed how close they were.

"You scarred."

"Un."

"Why? You don't usually scar, do you Inuyasha?"

Gulping down his rising anxiety and fear that made him breath harder and faster and made him want to rush away from her and huddle in his bed, the hanyou answered the transfixing vixen, trying to settle down his rising desire.

_To have, and to be able to hold, but to know in your whole should that you cannot, or else you'll break the one you love._

"Because of your reiki. Since it went through Toran's spear, it burned me…"

"Oh." Her nostrils flared and her chin quaked. He sighed heavily and palmed her face. Unconsciously, as if responding to that silent invisible thread that always pulled her to him, this time for more pleasantly, she nuzzled into his hand, his thumb brushing a stray tear.

"Kagome… don't cry." He choked, afraid that he himself would start crying. It was hard keeping a hold on his emotions lately, and her being here now… drawing a shaky breath he let his fingers sink in her wet bound hair.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"You saved my life idiot." He whispered. "And I couldn't be more grateful."

Silent issued between them as they lost themselves in each other. Then Inuyasha decided to take the first step. It was now. Miroku was right- there was no doubt about it- he'd open up his heart for Kagome, tell her how he felt, what was between them, their bond, their possible life together… Most of all he'd beg her forgiveness. And he'd assure her that Kikyo was but a ghost a shadow.

"I guess we have some important things to talk about."

She inhaled brokenly and nodded immediately.

"Ye-yeah…"

Seeing her uncomfortable made him tremble, as memories of the last month and some days returned to his aching skull

"I never believed you were dead." Before he could think it he had blurted it. His talons grazed her scalp dangerously, pulling her tighter to him, making her feel how raw his desperation had been when Miroku had told him about her car. Some tears escaped her again and she chewed on her bottom lip again, her gaze falling to the floor. "Look at me… Look at me! I thought I was going to… when your mother called Sango I… Kagome, I always tried to find you, always!"

Gulping she looked sniffling at him, her beautiful face tear stained, her eyes pained and eerily silver.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again. He grew enraged of seeing and hearing her apologize, his blood boiling. And inside his mind he repeated a mantra. He couldn't get mad or she'd be scared to death. His other hand flown to her ribs, pulling her tighter to him, and there was still distance.

"Don't apologize! I should be the one doing so!" drawing his shaky hand from her ribs he encased her face in his bigger smooth clawed hands, his face maddeningly close to hers, his lips hovering just above hers, his forehead on hers and his heartbeat matching hers. "And I am… Kagome, I…"

As she waited for his words and tried to contain her sobs, her neck risen, and her throat bobbed upwards and downwards in nervousness. What was she expecting? Truly, she was expecting him to revel himself all she'd ever wanted, she was expecting him to be all she knew he could be, and pick her up, and make her forget that terrible voice inside her head. Now lost in a haze that Inuyasha always succeeded in lead her into, lost in the love she felt, she wanted him to love her back to embrace her and kiss her, and take the pain in her head and in her heart away.

She didn't knew, but he was about to do it, when the doors snapped open and a disheveled fumbling Hiroto stumbled in, without asking. Behind her, Kagome saw through the door thrown open, another servant running.

"Kagome-sama, Mayu-san told me to come get you and…" as sweat poured of her simple face, and her winded breathing broke her statement she was interrupted by a door flying open and a howl shattering the peace of the household.

"SESSHOMARU!"

Kagome inhaled sharply and asked Hiroto briskly if she knew who it was. The walls of the doors rocked and Hiroto cried, her human, pale complexion whitened and she fainted in the floor, reeking of fear. Inuyasha sniffled urgently, his nose and ears working at full force, both twitching and moving incessantly.

It was when the very sound of silent was pierced by a heart-shattering howl that the inu hanyou muttered a name, in astonishment.

"Koga…"

* * *

A/N: I promised Kikyo and Kouga. I know I did, but I also got a little more Sess/Rin for their fans, so forgive me if I couldn't put them here.

Man! And I thought I could do this in a _one-shot! _Ah! What a joke! Truth is, next chapter will have Kouga for sure and the council meeting, I wonder what will Borislav and Valentino think of Kagome, what about Bothildr's daughter, the ever Inuyasha-infatuated bear hanyou? This character will be a representation of all of us fan girls, who'd like so much to get into his pants… and that, even if he was real, would get rejected in Kagome's favor!

I'm not so sure Kikyo we'll be here as of yet, maybe in the chapter after the next.


	11. Plural

**Absolution**

**_Before_**

_"SESSHOMARU!"_

_Kagome inhaled sharply and asked Hiroto briskly if she knew who it was. The walls of the doors rocked and Hiroto cried, her human, pale complexion whitened and she fainted in the floor, reeking of fear. Inuyasha sniffled urgently, his nose and ears working at full force, both twitching and moving incessantly._

_It was when the very sound of silent was pierced by a heart-shattering howl that the inu hanyou muttered a name, in astonishment._

_"Koga…"_

* * *

**Chapter** **XI- Plural**

_And the meaning, it gets left behind  
All the innocents lost at one time  
Significant, behind the eyes  
There's no need to hide  
We're safe tonight_

_I am mine_- Pearl Jam

* * *

Kagome was suddenly jerked by a strong clawed hand to the side. His gruff voice ordered her to get dressed as he stepped harshly to the balcony to see what had caused such ruckus. A Taisho estate was a safe estate- anyone knew that. With an importance like the Taisho family had, not only the houses were guarded by dutiful moon soldier but all kind of spells circled and secured the perimeter. Therefore to Inuyasha it was oddly surprising to know that some kind of threat, one that had made the servants run and scream all around the main house, had broke through the barriers and defense forces surveying the house's security. He was not afraid, no. But as he heard the rustling of clothes behind him of Kagome's clothes climbing up and down her skin, not for the first time in his life he felt his muscles tense, knowing that he had to protect her at all costs.

Kouga was the one causing chaos. Although he had never liked the wolf demon- disliking was a _very soft _word to call to the feelings he nurtured for Kouga- for obvious reasons, he knew it in the rational part of himself that Kouga was not a man with ill intentions towards him or his family, on the contrary he was one of their biggest supporters. What would cause him then to come to the Taisho mansion in his true form - as Inuyasha coldly observed from the balcony- towering over the house, and to scare dozens of people? What would cause him to howl for his brother and ruler of youkai with such voice? Kouga's aura contorted when he saw him there, in the balcony shirtless and when, with a sniff, he discovered Kagome was there too. A new snarl was heard.

At the exact same time he heard a gasp of shock coming from inside the room and a sizzle. In the chaos, the time seemed to have grown slower and he moved as quickly as he could to find Kagome letting Sesshomaru's ancient scrolls drop from her, now sizzling in white, shaking hands. The hues of her aura circling her, twisting around her, and with a stab in his gut he felt it looking for his, as it reacted to Kouga's emotional distress. From outside came howl, he could feel Sesshomaru's youki rising and affirming and he guesses that would buy him time. Something in him compelled him to pull her to him, assure her of her security, as long as she remained near him. She was dressed already, and that was a good thing, seeing not only she was a remarkably distracting view as long as she kept only that fluffy towel around her, but she would also freeze outside. The cold in his very hot skin made him alive and alert. In his mind he tried his best not to think of how Kouga had interrupted the most important speech of his life, of how he most probably would never have an opportunity like that, ever again.

"Come on Kagome." He ordered almost snappily when he saw her reaching for the scrolls, on the floor. She was going to answer when her fingers closed around them, but he got there faster and grabbed her hand tightly pulling her to his chest.

Neither of them noticed how Kagome's power hadn't even teased her hanyou's hair body. His whole attention was focused on protecting her, his muscles tense and ready to snap in a run or in a leap as soon as it was needed, she was socked and distant, although she was trying a lot not to let go of her insistent power, which seemed to want to break free and expanse, she felt as if that invading sensations in her mind, those dark tendrils swiftly and viscously taking a hold of her thoughts were being burned away from hr purity. The discharge of power was not only external, but she could feel it coursing her veins like the potent power it was. She felt clean and unobstructed, as if a cage had been opened. Still if she didn't take a hold of the white force inside her she knew it would expand like an atomic explosion and affect every youkai in a wide range.

Inuyasha was leading her through corridors of the mansion hurriedly, the servants, as it seemed had abandoned everything they were doing in the kitchen, the bedrooms, the guest rooms and run, one or two still struggled to get out but ignored their master and the young miko at all as they passed by.

"Inuyasha! What are you doing?" she questioned almost coldly, as if snapping out of a trance. Trying to tug her arm free she was remembered once again how much stronger than her he was. His face was still set in cold ivory. He didn't even seem to be listening to her. She continued to contest his hold tugging hard on his arm- she wanted to be told where she was going damn it! She had the right to know why he wasn't running in aid to his family like she knew he naturally would, like he _should_.

"Will you fucking answer me, Yash? Where are we going?" he continued to drag her through a long corridor. In his hurry, and in her fury with it, she hadn't even noticed the course they had taken. She didn't know this corridor. He threw her a backwards glance with an annoyed frown.

"I'm keeping you safe." He told her swiftly, his tone was stone and that was when she dug her heels in the stiff wood. And although he could drag her anyways, heels dug in the floor and everything he stopped and eyes her apprehensive, anxious, a sense of urgency throbbing in his whole body.

"I'm going outside with you."

"No"

"There's no discussion." She told him, the lines in her face set as serious as his "I want to go outside. I might need to build a barrier."

"It's just Kouga" his eyes aflame when he thought that she would think for one second that he wouldn't be able to protect his kin or his employees for that matter. Her arm was tugged again and this time all her body hit his with a resounding _thud. _Sesshomaru's youki was now expanded throughout the whole expanse of the estate, and it urged him to release his own youki and to meet him, to defend, to protect.

Kagome was being an obstacle right now. And obstacles were solved by force. Hooking his arm around the back of her knees he threw her over his shoulder and released his youki overpowering her untrained aura and breaking into a run to where he knew that she would be safe and well accompanied by Rin. He knew his brother's first instinct had been to guard Rin and made sure she got to any secret door that led to the safe room. Seeing there was none in his floor she'd simply _take _Kagome there.

"Inuyasha! Put me down! Why do you have to be like this? I'm not a child! I don't need you to protect me!"

That ripped a growl from his usually uncouth being and he simply ran faster to a bullet proof, thick door, his fang quickly slashing some skin of his hand to slam it in the id recognizer beneath the keys to insert the secret code. When the door opened with a sound that greatly resembled a snort he pulled it completely behind and pushed Kagome inside.

"I'll come and get you later."

When she opened her mouth to answer, she was silenced by a definitive frown, his amber eyes telling her very precisely that there was no arguing about it… She was staying.

Kagome said nothing but for a moment they exchanged an agreement. Quickly having the need to protect her being relieved from his body and all the previous emotions slamming into him, the shame returned, the pain returned, the need for absolution did too. Humbly he laid his ears back and looked at her forlornly as the door closed.

* * *

In centuries of life Sesshomaru did not remember ever seeing the security around the Taisho estate being breached. Not that it was impossible, as it seemed with Kouga now in the main entrance snarling and howling with his wolf self to the sky it wasn't, but because no one had ever dared. Kouga was a good noble. The prince of the wolves could pride himself of having an obedient tribe, being a high rank noble and one of the closest to his family. So he was almost sure that the wolf was not here to cause ill to him, to Rin – whom he, nonetheless had already provided shelter- to Inuyasha or his intended. However, the twirl of anguish and distress in Kouga's distinctive youki was unsettling him too. What was wrong? Why did he howl for his lord in such a way?

As he now opened the doors he felt Inuyasha youki releasing matching his, extending and affirming. Through a rational point of view they both knew that Kouga was mostly harmless, and even if he tried something they both could handle him just fine, but the dog inside them by knowing their territory was invaded by someone who should not have breached it like that, rebelled inside them, affirmed their power over the intruder. Kouga's howl decreased when he saw the first Lord of the West. With a colossal head, as big, or bigger, as any car he faced his ruler. Big darker than usual cerulean blue eyes met Sesshomaru's much smaller ones, and Sesshomaru could see tumult in them.

His regal deep voice stopped all motion, even Kouga's that now had lowered his head to directly face the silver haired dog demon.

"What ails you to provoke such tumult in these lands, Kouga?"

The wolf, whose eyes had changed directions to behind the Western lord, snarled viciously at finding the youngest Western lord in the door, bare chested and walking toward his own brother and Kouga. With fangs as long as arms in front of him, Inuyasha limited himself to stand besides his older brother, a glint of hate in Kouga's eyes.

"Kouga." Sesshomaru tried to regain the huge dark brown wolf attention, but to no avail. The cerulean eyes of Kouga continued glued at the new arrival. Inuyasha said nothing and did nothing but it was obvious in his tense posture that he had no intentions to let Kouga pass. And with an irate snarl, a loud snarl that made the circle of moon soldier surrounding Kouga step backwards – although it didn't make the western heirs blink- his large head was thrown back and he grabbed something with his pointy dangerous fangs from his furry dark neck, and when his eyes met the Taisho brothers again, full of hate. Their eyes widened significantly.

At their feet laid the body of a young boy 8 years old, maybe 9. By his somehow much tanned complexion a dark straight hair with tiny dreadlocks it was clearly a wolf boy. His whole body lacerated with deep cuts, bones showing, guts sliding out of his flesh and skin to the green grass. His head was open, the skull out making a sick gory scene. What had been a beautiful boyish face was shredded. The scent of putrid flesh affected every dog demon's sense of smell to complement the imagery that was the only disturbing element for the few human elements that still remained there.

"Slaughter." his voice was strange, deeper, much, much deeper, solemn, anguished. But his eyes showed only hatred, a deep hatred that was corrupting him inside.

Sesshomaru seemed affronted. Although the wolves were direct subjects of Kouga they were all under his protections. They were his vassals. It had been years since such a happening. First the panthers revolting, and now the wolves killed? More than ever he was now sure that the panther's attack had not been planned by Toran and her brother and sisters. Someone was behind this. When the white Lord tore his eyes from the putrid dead body, he found Inuyasha's face contorted in shock.

"You will return to your humanoid form, Kouga, and we will talk inside," Sesshomaru's cold voice did not appease Kouga's need of comfort, not after having lost his all family and most of his friends. Not after returning home to find a bloodshed waiting for him. Although Kouga had not ever heard a different voice from the western lord he couldn't control the vicious growl thrown at the ruler who did not even budge. Inuyasha's eyes were still glued; a horrified look still glowing in his face, as he kept his eyes on that young boy.

"I came to warn you that no order of you will keep me from killing the responsible for this. I am alone now. I have no more responsibilities to anyone but to myself."

"Kouga return to your human form." The regal lord ordered the huge wolf. Inuyasha kept quiet, still fixed on the torn boy. Kouga snarled and began to turn away from the Taisho brothers. Inuyasha felt his brother sigh very lightly, and then a poisonous whip extended slowly from his right index and middle finger, only to, in a very swift motion, swirl and lock around a huge leg of the demonic wolf. And even in his humanoid form, a simple pull was enough to deter the blue eyed enormous wolf.

Sesshomaru's eyes turned hued red and he tugged the whip again the wolf was jerked forward.

"_If you want to be helped killing this thing you will need my help. Whoever it is is plotting against me. It killed your tribe. We will join forces_"

Inuyasha took his eyes from the little boy for the first time since its body first had landed on the grassy ground, surprised with himself to find his own eyes watery. The language his brother had used was enough proof that he was concerned with Kouga and what had happened. It was an ancient, primal canine tongue. It was only taught to royalty, seeing canines had lost the need to have it implemented in their mind. It had been taught to him years ago and he didn't remember it all that well anymore. Sesshomaru didn't want Kouga to wander off. No. He wanted to help him, but a ruler could never be weak in front of his vassals, and show any emotions exacerbated- at least that was what the older Taisho thought.

Kouga's eyes softened slightly.

Inuyasha saw a kind of understanding that was somehow muddled with all the pent up pain and anger. Maybe the wolf wasn't that dumb as the younger dog demon had always declared… but the fact that he frequently put his claim on Kagome to risk always made his hackles rise… in fact, he threw him off so much that he immediately decided thinking about it now, was not a good idea.

Kouga would probably end with one less element to his tribe: himself.

The younger of the west could feel Kouga's youki diminish in size, but not in power. The ookami's eyes had returned to Sesshomaru who was watching him wearily, afraid of another demonstration of power and insanity like the one Kouga had put off earlier.

Inuyasha felt slightly off. The body of the boy seemed bigger and bigger as Kouga's body returned to his humanoid form- he could see it through the corner of his eye. Kouga's wolves weren't far away… they never were. Certainly they would do something about the boy, right?

Kouga's face struck him. The prince of wolves and his Lord stood there looking at each other. Kouga stepped up. It was as if he wasn't Inuyasha's age but much, much older, his face was grooved by wrinkles that seemed to have appeared from day to night, he wore a frown that hung his features down. Over all the general appearance was of weariness… As if his all life had flashed slowly and heavily in front of him.

Inuyasha's amber eyes returned to the cadaver in front of him. His mind briefly flew to Kagome. He had almost spat all that weighted his heart to her this same morning. Kouga had interrupted. And now when would he have the time to tell her, to try to make her understand how sorry he was because of person he had been before, when she had loved him unconditionally? Kouga had just provoked a brief a not successful crisis that would surely, nonetheless, have repercussions that he and Sesshomaru would have to attend to. The counselors were in Tokyo, some in his estate, some in their own homes. There was another session of the council scheduled… And his sweet Kagome would hardly give him another opportunity… not after what she had been through, not when she was so enthralled in trying to discover more about her new found powers…

He sighed and bent over the form of the cadaver. Both his brother and Kouga looked at him suspiciously, their stances ridiculously alike. He ignored them, and took off his shirt that easily covered the body of the boy, and wrapped him in it. Honestly he didn't quite know what to do it, but he couldn't let it to lay there, abandoned. He'd been abandoned before, hadn't he? He had been without a protector and he'd been left to die at the hands of some twisted fucker who had stolen him of any friends and family he knew…

A growl stopped him.

When he looked back Kouga was fixed on the way the youngest dog gingerly, yet gently grabbed the fatally wounded body of that little wolf boy, wrapped in his t-shirt. Then his electric ice blue eyes fixed on the golden ones and the wolf prince murmured, avoiding his eyes, focusing his attention on the main entrance to the mansion.

"Take him to my wolves. They are in the outskirts of the property, where the barriers end to north."

The hanyou did not respond but turned around, remembering that his brother would probably put Rin in freedom before he got to more important matters. Still with back to his brother and unexpected guest he slowly and softly asked Sesshomaru if he could make Rin entertain Kagome while he delivered the boy, then he would join him in their duties to the Western lands.

Even if he had turned back he knew Sesshomaru would not understand but that he would do it. Kouga waited for the Lord of the West to start walking to his house before he followed him there, and therefore he resumed hi way.

* * *

Kagome looked wearily at the woman stuck with her in the reinforced room, calming the power within her hadn't been easy but it was done and sighed in relief. The room was exquisitely decorated, in a very western style that she hadn't seen in the house yet. The walls were covered with soft silk and beautiful flowery embroidery in it. The chairs were clearly originals from the eighteenth century, and chaise-long of the styles. Rosewood and gold lining covered some of the walls in the large room with shelves full of antique books.

It was oddly full, as if it as meant to distract people of the fact that it was a room meant to be used when in dangerous situations. It didn't calm her. It made her jumpy, it seemed to her to full and illusionist. And Rin wasn't helping at all. She just there, one of her elbows in the arm of the chaise-long, her body half lying on the soft fabric, and completely wrapped around what she knew it was a expression of her mate's power- mokomoko-sama, white, fluffy and regal it took over her entire form as she, very tranquil, read a copy of the pillow book, _Makura no Sōshi_, that although not as old as the original 11th century original was a very, very old copy, probably from the XVIII century.

And she was absolutely, quiet, and relaxed even. In no way she looked preoccupied with what was going on outside or with her mate for that matter. What was funny because every time kept thinking that something could be happening to Inuyasha she seriously thought she'd throw her guts out, besides he'd just come from the hospital… she knew he healed quickly but damn it! She didn't want anything to happen to him, and for that he had to be careful, what was almost impossible, what if something happened? She knew a lot of things had run between them but she'd probably put his life anytime in front of hers and…

"Dear, you're making a bit of a fuss."

She hadn't realized until Rin statement that she had been pacing furiously, her teeth worrying her bottom lip as her crossed arms tightened frequently under her bosom.

Blinking slowly and redirecting her attention to the other woman she narrowed her eyes to her. Rin had always been nice. But now in the crack of thaw and the morning melting some ice of the night around her she saw her in a different perspective.

Though she was officially around 18 or 19, she should be older than that. She knew that being a youkai's mate granted that. She did carry a look of wisdom and acted and spoke as if she was much older than she appeared. She knew she understood much of the things she felt for Inuyasha, and maybe she even understood their unequal relationship from his part, because Kagome was sure as hell that Sesshomaru was surely a possessive dog too.

But right now she was unnerving with all that calm and reading that obnoxious old book, and wrapped in that fucking fluffy thing.

"How can you be so freaking calm?" before she thought she blurted it. Then she realized she had disrespected the owner of the house and fell in an armchair grunting and squinting her eyes, and rubbing a hand in her face that then slid into her hair as her elbows perched in her knees. Rin didn't waver but closed her book and met Kagome's dulled grey eyes with a glinting cinnamon.

"Sesshomaru always comes back."

The first feeling that ravaged her was _that must be nice _then _I wish he always came back to me too. _Then she felt something dark gripped her on the inside and panicked. She couldn't exactly deal with a voice inside her head right now with Rin around and she still hadn't figured what it was. Then she recognized it for what it was and not for the stimulus that would normally have that disgusting sneering voice as an answer. It was simply pain. Unrequited love had merely merged in her flesh and tightening it with ache, like it had been doing for the last years.

Oddly it brought a kind of sense of relieve and comfort.

_I am sick, _she thought to herself.

"What if they get hurt?"

"They'll heal."

She grunted at Rin's plain answer. Well wasn't it nice for them. She wouldn't.

In Rin there was the dream she knew that in her life wouldn't become true- _mating. _It wasn't worth denying it, not to herself any ways. In a way she was fascinated by her, in other she felt slightly hurt by her presence, flaunting something she could never have in her face.

The room began to smother her.

"How is your research on miko abilities?"

Kagome turned briskly, after she had just gotten up from the chair. Her hair whirled around her as she glared at Rin.

"Don't you feel inferior when Sesshomaru-sama brings you in here and locks you? Why can't you protect yourself? Why do you need him so badly?" Vaguely she was aware that she had said something insulting to Rin again, and that she had also put her own feelings in words directed to someone else, in a different situation.

"I cannot _not _need him, just as he cannot. His duty is to protect me. I am sure I don't need to explain that to you. I do not feel inferior to him when he does what his instincts tell him to do. I have them too. Being the Lady of the West isn't as easy as one would think, Kagome." Her words were firm and yet not cold, as she expected after her outburst. She didn't mean it like that but the walls were getting closer to each other, and Rin's tranquility was fraying her nerves immensely.

The grey eyed beautiful young woman sighed and got up, hugging herself and looking up at the ceiling, sculpted. What beautiful art, where the hair of the women's heads sculpted on the bodies that filled the ceiling seemed like stalactites. She murmured an apology, humbled and ashamed.

Silence hung, and she decided to redeem herself by softly answering her question from before.

"It is going well, though there is little about how to learn. I am thinking about going to Nagasaki, visiting an old woman, a miko who could teach me."

Her voice was barely above a whisper. The idea of getting out of Tokyo was appealing and soothing… Rin's eyes widened a little then visibly downed and calmed.

"Maybe that's a good idea… there has been a long time since I've seen so near a priestess. A real, powers and all priestess."

"How is it? To live so long?" her claustrophobia had somehow morphed into nostalgia, something she knew wouldn't last. At least until she freaked out about something again, then she'd snap.

"I have only lived something like a hundred years. I am younger than Inuyasha and much younger than my haiguushaa but… I've seen incredible and horrible things. I've met Emperor Meiji and saw Hiroshima after the first bomb. It's hard and tiring, but I always had who I needed by me side."

Kagome felt the walls close again, her throat closed. What was it Inuyasha wanted to say this morning, again? These feelings were odd. She felt awkward listening to how Rin was happy as a mate to an inu-youkai. Angrily she remembered herself that she'd never have that. It wasn't worth it. Right now she just wanted to know if her ex-lover was okay.

Her eyes followed the patters of the intertwined hairs of what she now could see were mermaids in the ceiling.

"hm."

"I think someday you'll experience that too."

Before she could angrily chew her again for saying something so offensive by giving her hopes that didn't exist, Rin continued, almost monotonic like her husband.

"The key is to forgive. To have the wonderful gift to offer absolution, and have the person you offer it, accept it.

Kagome frowned, momentarily confused. When she opened her mouth to ask her what she meant by that. Leaving the hair of the mermaids, she saw the door open. Sesshomaru walked in with his usual cool demeanor. When he arrived his sentence wasn't directed. But Kagome knew it was for her. His long arms enveloped Rin, and Kagome felt a terrible emptiness eating her out. _Loneliness._

"My brother went on a quick task. He'll be coming in half-an-hour to join me. Could you keep Kagome company, Rin?

"I…Thats not needed…" she mumbled as the smaller woman leaned into the tall demon and nuzzled under his chin, smiling softly and nodding. Sesshomaru's dark golden cold orbs found her sad grey and waited for a reaction out of that phrase. "Thank you Sesshomaru-sama"

"Let's get dressed," Rin informed and commanded, as she led us to the outside behind Sesshomaru, who followed a different path, not even saying goodbye "and get to know each other."

Kagome followed obediently.

* * *

Inuyasha was back home. To a very full and tiring day.

It had started not so well with the eclipse, then his encounter and heartfelt talk with Kagome, then Kouga's appearance, and now he was to travel to his brothers office, be updated in all there was to know, then have lunch with Sesshomaru and the ambassadors, then a council meeting… And what about Kouga? Abruptly, he stopped in the hall when a small female ferret youkai walked towards him. The thought of having Kouga in his house, and so close to Kagome nonetheless… he gulped and swallowed a loud growl that threatened to spill from his chest and that promised to have another ruckus provoked. But his hands tightened into fists, his claws painfully prickling his skin, a fang escaping his lowed lips to worry the bottom one…

"Inuyasha-sama"

A low bow obstructed the view of the ferret female demon and he blinked, slowly getting back to a more controlled state. He was suddenly aware of his bare chest and he wrinkled his nose, after giving the servant girl dressed in black and white average maid uniform.

"Yes?" he offered when the youkai girl still hadn't raised her head. When she finally did, her eyes did not meet his. He thought this rule was stupid, but it didn't bother him anymore. It was ancient, both Mayu-san and his brother had said. And Mayu-san would never stop teaching that to the new employees.

"His lordship asks that you get dressed and meet him in his office, as soon as you can, my lord."

"hm." He was going to start walking when he remembered that a servant had to be dismissed before going away again. Then just before he sent her away, however, he remembered asking.

"Has my brother opened the security room, already?"

"Yes my lord. The lady is getting dressed." It wasn't really Rin he was interested in. Without a second thought he stepped forward and his intense eyes burned in the coal eyes that would not meet him.

"And Kagome-sama?"

The girl gulped.

"Miko-sama is with milady. Dressing too. Appropriately."

"Give her permission to my mother's personal wardrobe"

His mother's wardrobe had been locked ever since she had died. It wasn't that he didn't like Rin enough to let her wear his mother's silks; it was just… somehow it felt painful to let those clothes wander the house again. But see Kagome in one of those beautiful uchikake, or furisode his mother wore ever since he could remember… Even though they were as old as time (it seemed to him at least) he knew it would give him pleasure to see her in them. It was as if she was acknowledging a place he should have given her ever since he knew her.

Ignoring the absolutely shocked expression of the girl, who knew for a fact that Rin-sama's beautiful silks were her own or Sesshomaru-sama's mother, and no one besides Izayoi-sama had ever even seen those clothes since her death not to mention wear them, he dismissed and started walking towards his own room.

His movements were almost automatic.

Years of tying hakama and composing his suikan had made it possible for him not to even look to what he was doing.

The violent burgundy of his juban and white hakama, though necessary for the council meeting later, were indifferent to him as he released his long silver hair from the collar of the _nagajuban_ under the _juban_, and finally slipping in a pair of black tabi he turned on his heels to get out.

Meeting Sesshomaru was on top of the list he _had _to do, but not on the _want to do _list. He wanted to see Kagome.

His thoughts quickly changing to her as he walked through empty hallways, then his mind turned to how they had to find new employees, because of those who had fled… maybe they just needed to find them and tell them everything was alright, his mind returned to Kagome. He wondered what Rin would take her doing? What would she think of court? Usually Rin's work dealt with a lot of inu bitches and high ranked inu youkai… With Rin she would be alright, she knew how to handle them, and would know how to impose Kagome's presence without complaints. Thinking back to her this morning, made him waver and almost shudder. He gulped. She had been so close, and he had been so close.

Despite having smelled all those contradicting emotions, the pain, the despair and the fear he had never smelt oozing from her in such a way, he now felt his heart full of hope. She hadn't backed away, she had been concerned. In fact, he had expected she would be revolted with what had happened to her, he couldn't fathom how she must feel after diving locked in her car deep into the river- he was sure she had panicked. She had always been slightly claustrophobic. But it seemed she was fine with it, she didn't mention much about it… she didn't seem angry. Until he was almost in the eminence of his duty to his brother, he couldn't comprehend why the thought struck him as such an oddity.

When he neared his brother's office understanding struck him. The fact that she didn't demonstrate how she felt was such a Kagome thing to do… to hide how she really felt, to pretend she was okay with things. She wasn't. He knew she wasn't okay with their relationship before. But she was here right? She hadn't backed away as much as she could. She hadn't shut him off completely… Everything would change, he promised himself, and he would treat her like she deserved from now on- his princess… If she just gave him a chance.

Closing his eyes just as he stopped in front of Sesshomaru's office door and sighed, promising himself that he would try just like Miroku had told him to do, to at least tell her how he felt- how much he loved her. It was hard to open so much, but he needed her to know, he needed her forgiveness above all. After all it had been harder to go through the process of thinking she had died, recognize his mating bond- incomplete as it was- and deal with the panthers. Trying to clear his mind he took a deep breath a focused on his duties. Now those were for his household and for his oldest brother. Disgruntling.

As he pulled the shoji aside and stepped inside the very clean and minimalist looking room, two sets of powerful eyes settled on him. He crossed the _tatami_ floor to sit, cross legged, to Sesshomaru's right and the lines that made his face look older and heavier straightened and he let his golden eyes fell stony, upon the wolf prince.

His face was harsh and deadly, he didn't seem ready to be here, inside the house- to talk and be civil. His whole body was tensed, he seem a minute length of bolting or transforming again. His electric blue eyes quickly left his as they bounced from wall to wall; he exuded symptoms of someone caged. Before someone could speak Jaken entered and behind him Kigatsuku closed the door, his orange eyes setting permanently on the important three men meeting around the low table. He, like Jaken, remained standing.

"Koga, this Sesshomaru will aid you in your revenge- your wolves were also my subjects." Sesshomaru's strong decided voice brought any lack of attention to any of the attending to an end. All eyes snapped to him. Regally he rested his forearms in the low table, no more of him moved. Kouga's yes were still rebellious, he still exuded homicide instinct- but he knew deep in himself that he had to listen to Sesshomaru, that he was his last hope. Besides he had vented a great deal of his animal fury since his run from the mountains. Hard as stone golden eyes fixed solely and solemnly on the young wolf prince "They will be avenged. Until further discussion you can stay in the _shiro_, as the other two youkai - the wolves however will have to stay confined to the forest territory." Inuyasha choked on his saliva, no matter how bad Koga's loss was (and it was), his priority was conquer Kagome, repent next to her, make her love him with no regrets or restrictions, erase Kikyo from his life, make Kagome his mate. Koga would ruin _everything!_ He couldn't stay! His growl arose from the end of his throat, when Sesshomaru (without sparing him a glance). "If you mate, you should do it with a wolf youkai too Kouga- It will secure the continuation of the clan- I am aware that Ginzo of the eastern mountains wants you to marry his daughter perhaps you should reconsider it."

"I want Kagome."

A loud growl bounced in the walls, the younger of the west propelling his force against the tatami matted floor to face the wolf with murderous intuit. Sesshomaru raised a clawed poisonous deadly hand to his brother with the meaning of stopping his tirade, and especially his hand which had flown to the handle of Tetsusaiga. Just when he had calmed after understanding Sesshomaru's intent on suggesting the wolf to mate, the stupid prince of the north had to ruin everything.

"Maybe you want her. But her allegiance clearly does not lie with you." Cold eyes turned to similar frustrated angry ones, younger, scared. "Your priorities and your allegiance should too, rest with the ones who depend of you and with an entire clan that for the sake of your ancestors you should try to repair."

Kouga growled and turned his face abruptly, avoiding the cold and penetrating golden gaze, his long dark hair, loose as many times Inuyasha had seen in covered one shoulder. Electric blues hidden he murmured.

"You love your mate."

Surprise tensed for a fraction of second Sesshomaru's body. Then he dramatically released the surprise from his muscles and raised an elegantly shaped brow.

"Indeed"

"Mates are supposed to love each other not to bond in convenience- that would result in a weak meaningless bond."

The wolf was well measured. One part of Inuyasha's brain acknowledged that Kouga was saying the truth, that he was offering good arguments against what Sesshomaru had proposed. The other part of his brain (of him, really) revolted against the thought of him sustaining an argument with the more powerful ruler in the world just to assure that he could indeed pursue and court Kagome should she let him. She was _his. _The oddity and wave of discomfort of an old feeling invading him assaulted him. He felt like this since he had first seen Kouga laying a hand on his precious lover. But Kouga _loved her too!_ That of course, didn't mean that she was his mate. There was no going around it. Kagome had been born to be mated with the youngest of the West. But he saw it all the time- People fooled destiny all the time. Who was to say though, that it wasn't fate way to fool them- tricking into thinking them they were the winners?

Surprising the rest of the attendants he kept quiet when his brother released a soft "hm".

"It is your choice Koga. As I said before, you can stay here- in fact I think that you should. There will be a council meeting this afternoon." His golden eyes traveled from blue to his similar again "and that is also why I wanted you to be here. I will give you a briefing. Listen too Koga." His eyes did not leave Inuyasha to address the prince of the wolves or, "Jaken."

"My lord," Bouncing on his two stubby green feet, the impish creature awkwardly- as anything else he did- walked to the royal dog and let a manila folder slip into an awaiting clawed hand. The Lord of the West didn't spare him the grace of his gaze, and the green imp stumbled away again. Sesshomaru retrieved the documents inside the folder and turned them for Inuyasha to read.

"It is my believe that the incident with the panthers were not an incident _per se."_ selecting one specific page he directed it to Inuyasha's gaze. It was a transcription of what it seemed a confession of one of the dismantled panther ex-clan, when Sesshomaru had chosen a new leader. He spoke, in the confession, of a deal made with the panther clan, power in change of loss of credit of the Western clan, by someone he'd never seen. The word _jyaki_ magnetized his eyes, and he read the passage with it – _"I don't really know him, I have never seen him- but he exuded jyaki, not normal youki. Toran was the one to make the deal with him. He said he wanted them to make tumult in Tokyo, she readily agreed… of course…"_ it continued but he didn't read more.

His brows furrowed. Then the panthers insurgence was planned by another that not Toran? And now Koga's tribe…

"You think there's someone behind the attacks, the one with the panthers and the one to Koga's tribe…" with a grimace he fought the bile-rising image of that young boy ripped and tattered from the outside in, his guts spilling on the floor. Koga's eyes turned sharp and attentive to the brothers conversation.

Sesshomaru nodded curtly and selected another document, putting it in front of Inuyasha. An image of a man in his late thirties, illustrated the left top corner of the page. He clearly wasn't a dog demon, and therefore not a moon soldier, but he clearly was in some kind of rank… _espionage. _Sanman Okumuro, a _spy_. The one spying on the panthers, the one who was in charge of informing them of the panthers movements. Vaguely he was aware he had the same information of the human and of his mission on his own laptop. He had been in charge of many military actions the days before he had found Kagome.

"Sanman…" Turning the page Inuyasha found an image as disgustingly explicit as the memory of the boy that Koga had brought on his torso from the mountains. He didn't know why he was aware that that person was indeed Sanman. He was tore.

"Our infiltrated man was found like that four days ago in the Panthers lair."

"They found he was working for us?"

"Yes. But he was one of the bests. He would not betray us. My suspicions grow towards a spy inside our household, Inuyasha. The panthers or whoever made that deal with them had to know who he was and why he was there, and his whole material was tampered, the panthers had to know before attacking, that was also why they attacked later. This will be discussed today in council. However… We must be careful so that this doesn't get out- the western house cannot lose credibility near the humans or any other clan characterized by social tension. Diplomatic relations will gain …_tension_"

"What will you propose in the council, then?"

"To conduct an investigation… who knows what more confidential information does the spy possess?"

"Will they think it is enough?"

Sesshomaru seemed slightly offended by that. His nose twitched slightly and he almost thrust it in the air, affirming coldly and regally

"The last word in the council in mine. Besides, there is really not much more they can do."

"Borislav wouldn't be above proposing exterminating all the humans from our ranks, as well as eliminating all associations with the taijiya. You know that." His brows furrowed and he snorted arrogantly "You arrogant Bastard. Don't go thinking they'll just listen and accept. Well maybe _Awiti_, but-"

"Shut up whelp!" the older Taisho barked out the order and the younger snorted again. Rising to his two feet again, Inuyasha announced his leaving. Sesshomaru rose too, giving quiet indications to Kigatsuku on how install Koga and on having him ready at lunch, which would be held at Izayoi's garden. Since it was an inner garden it would not have the problem of the defrosting interfering with more important matters.

"My lord, is Lady Rin to attend?"

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow, and turned his head (since he was already leaving), to look, slightly amused, at his servant.

"And since when does Lady Rin not attend some important matter like that? Make sure Mayu-san warns her too."

Kigatsuku nodded. Before Sesshomaru left however he remembered to make another crucial question, that if not done, could result in chaos.

"And miko-sama?"

Sesshomaru frowned slightly when he faced his servant again- he looked annoyed.

"That question should have been made to my brother, not to me. But if she wishes too… Yes she can attend.

* * *

I'm sorry for the delay, but I've been troubled by a variety of factors. Economic crisis, the death of democracy, the Egyptian liberation, my own pathetic studies and getting some cheap pot and free alcohol.

Keep reviewing, if you want to.

I don't remember what's written in there to the detail, this chapter was already on the 23rd page, and now almost 5 months after I last updated I divided it and now I'm posting it. Which means that the 12th chapter is already started.

-Chino


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